Am I ‘horrible’

[user1463599631]

Hi, so a bit of back story I work full time, my boyfriend stays at my house 4 nights a week (I don’t want to live with another man full time ever again) I have 3 children. He contributes £200 a month for them 4 nights a week this isn’t including food although I do get the odd dinner in, he sometimes gets dinner stuff in for us but mainly we eat separate food as I eat in a calorie deficit so he buys his own dinner stuff most of the time. My household bills (gas, electric, rent, council tax, water etc) come to around £1600 that’s not including other expenses like car, food shops etc.. anyway now to our argument earlier seems petty but it’s got me thinking am I horrible?

tonight I heard him going through the freezer so I asked him what he’s doing he said he’s getting an ice cream (he helped himself to an ice cream the previous 2 nights to) I said ‘please don’t have another ice cream as I have no money until payday to buy more and I have brought enough to cover my 3 children’s dessert until payday’ I’ve literally planned the food shop down to a T to cover each day/night of food for the kids until payday. He starts getting annoyed said ‘I’m being horrible and it’s a dig at him and kept going on and on and he can’t even have any dessert’

was I being horrible/petty????
I didn’t say this to him, but he’s a grown adult with his own money he was just at the shop buying himself beers so he could of brought himself dessert. I am literally skint for another 4 days and not much in apart from the kids breakfast, lunch, dinner and desserts x 4.

thanks for reading, I’m hoping I get some replies 😊

Yep. He sounds like a complete loser. You’re debasing yourself being with him.

What a Prince.

How did you come to this arrangement for £200 per month for x4 nights a week, when he pays his aunt £300 for x3 nights a week?
He's living very cheaply!!

@user1463599631 tread carefully here with how much time he lives with you and what he’s paying for. Do you get a single adult discount for your council tax? You could lose that if he doesn’t pay council tax on his own property.

(If. Why did I write ‘if’ - of course he doesn’t.)

As far as the ice cream was concerned, he could easily have averted the entire drama by promising to replace the ice cream before it would be missed by the children (and, of course, following through). The fact that he's being nasty to you for no reason and making everything about him (at the expense not only of you but of the children) would seem to be a bit of a red flag.

He doesn't sound like the right man for you tbh

His outgoings aren't your problem. It's not a partnership.

You are struggling to feed your kids and living hand to mouth while subsidising this leech. Just why? I bet your costs would go down if you dumped him and you'd have more to actually spend on your children. It beggars belief you'd see your own children go without to 'keep' this appalling man.

This. You are prioritising this man rather than your own children. I cannot understand why

Well, hes got it all worked out, the cheeky fucker, hes probably got loads of spends since you and his aunt are so nicely subsidising his life.
Are you doing his laundry, OP?
I'd LTB in your shoes, and raise your standards. He thinks you're a mug.

Who the hell lives with their auntie? Is he a teenager? You need to get rid of this waster.

Exactly. Plus he has 3 children. I don't know how women can bring themselves to feel attraction towards these losers. I couldn't. Maybe I'm a fussy idiot. No wonder I'm single. But better to be alone than badly accompanied and being taken advantage of.

Yes he sounds like a fine upstanding man who knows how to take care of a woman and their family....not.
I really don't know why women have men like this around. in my house its pay your way or get out. Well they wouldn't be in my house in the first place.

Deadbeat dad cocklodger taking food from your kids - what a fucking prize!

Stop putting him before your kids, tell him to jog the fuck on and raise your bar off of the floor.

He's taking you for a mug but you’re facilitating him. Surely you realise it’s better to be single than with a complete twat?

That’s not the same scenario at all.

If he sees his DC eow does that mean they come to your place Op? I hope not because that's even more of your money out the window.

He was eating your children's ice creams and somehow you're the horrible one?

So he’s paying you less than he pays his aunt for more nights, and he gets to have sex with you.

Kick him out OP, he’s taking the piss.

He's done a right number on you and he now has two women feeding and otherwise looking after him. Nasty cocklodgers also they tend to target single mothers because they think they are so desperate for male company that they'd put up with any old shit.

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

You weren't being horrid. I'm married to my kids dad and I'd still tell him not to eat something I'd specifically brought for the kids. And he pays his full share of that! But if I said don't eat X please cos I brought them puddings he'd not.

I bet he thinks he’s being reeaaalllly generous giving you the pittance he is!

OP he’s using you and obviously doesn’t have a clue about living independently, nor any care or interest in your or your kids’ welfare.

Break down the bills with him
4 nights a week is the majority of the week.
Hea basically lodging very cheaply.
Cheapskate.
Urgh. This is why if i ever get to break up I will remain single and happy.

Agree with this. Abusive cocklodging wankers target so the parents and vulnerable women because they know no one else would tolerate their freeloading.

Sadly they can sniff out desperation at a million paces and home in on getting their feet under the table and having their lifestyle bankrolled

Please OP find that self respect and kick his scrounging arse to the kerb.

My gosh. So I’m 52 and single, my last relationship was 2 years ago. I would love to be with someone particularly as I have no friends or family at all. Wfh mainly and it gets awful lonely. But that said….never ever would I entertain entering a relationship with such a person. I like you will never understand how there are seemingly so many women willing to accommodate such man-children! 😬

Totally agree. It does seem no matter how low rent a man is and how many red flags they blatantly wave, there’s always a string of women willing to not only enter into a relationship with them but, more often than not, drag them into their kids lives and homes

I have been single 5 years and would rather stay that way for the rest of my life than entertain one of these cretins.

Do you love him? Does he love you? I would reduce his status from boyfriend to FWB every so often, put an end to the 4 nights a week business. He sounds like an aimless teenager with no understanding of the costs associated with running a home. Tell him to live with his auntie full time and maybe stay over at yours 1 or 2 nights a month. Or dump him completely - surely being single is better than this ridiculous charade of a relationship.