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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to move abroad but husband does

57 replies

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 00:25

Has anyone else been through this? In the early days of our relationship, my husband was very pro living in England. Since being an older teenager, I've always been open to the idea of moving abroad should a decent work opportunity crop up, but never actively sought it out. In the last year he's said he wants to sell our business and emigrate. as the UK is fucked. I'm on board with the idea of selling the business, as it was always something that was his passion rather than mine. We now have the funds for me to retrain to pursue a career that's more aligned with my interests, which he fully supports, and he can financially support himself for a while.

He's spoken about moving to the US, despite neither of us having ever even travelled over there or knowing anyone who lives there. Neither of us have qualifications which would make us especially desirable to get a job/visa. We're not that rich that we can get in by throwing money at another country. I feel like it's ultimately a dealbreaker in the relationship as I really don't want to move abroad and he still isn't keen on staying in the UK.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 22/06/2025 00:37

It’s barely worth bothering even discussing it as the chances of either of you being allowed to immigrate to the US for the foreseeable future are close to zero.

outerspacepotato · 22/06/2025 00:55

Hahahahahahahaha

If he thinks the UK is fucked, wait until he sees the US......

We literally have people getting kidnapped by goons off the street and disappeared. Due process is a joke. We are not living under the rule of law.

Health insurance is costly, tied to your job, and doesn't cover everything. You get sick and you are fucked.

Nothankyov · 22/06/2025 02:29

My DH and I have had this conversation for the duration of our marriage. For us it was about quality of life. He had several offers to work abroad such as Gibraltar, Australia and the US until the right offer came along at the right time and we decided to go for it. What I would say is if both of you don’t have a good job to go to with the appropriate health care provisions it’s very tricky. Especially as the winds are changing and immigration rules are tightening for non professionals.

Notmyrealname22 · 22/06/2025 02:36

Your husband wants to move to the US because the UK is fucked? 😂😂😂

the US is even more fucked. And good luck getting a visa! I don’t think you’ve got too much to worry about. Tell him to look into getting a visa, that should stop this crazy talk.

Bittenonce · 22/06/2025 06:02

My cousin is now moving back to the U.K. after 30 odd years in USA because it now feels FUBAR

TimeForATerf · 22/06/2025 06:13

Let him crack on with it. The UK is going through a difficult time but my life, family, home and friends, therefore happiness, is here. I’d rather be here alone than move to another country with DH, as my life and choices are just as important as his.

Anyway he hasn’t a cat in hells chance of going to the US.

PrepStarRunner · 22/06/2025 06:19

It's not that easy to just move to the US as others have said. Is he planning to go the investor route and that's why he wants to sell the business?

I wouldn't even contemplate going to the US without a relocation package and a platinum health care plan. And I wouldn't go there right now as an imminent. YANBU.

Jumpthewaves · 22/06/2025 06:29

It really isn't that bad here at all. I certainly wouldn't be moving somewhere with Trump in charge.

Gagamama2 · 22/06/2025 06:29

Agree with previous posters, moving to the US is probably a pipe dream due to immigration and visas being impossible unless you are super rich and can buy the gold card entry. Also it would be too much of a wild card for me in the sense of would it actually be better or would different problems mean it’s far worse??

If you want to immigrate somewhere like the US then I would highly recommend Canada. We lived there for 4 years when my kids were tiny. Very safe feeling, very community focused and friendly. Good healthcare. Good work / life balance. But again, you can’t just decide you want to live there. You can have satisfy visa entry requirement which are difficult, or be under 30 years old in which case you can apply for a two year working visa and go from there.

I found being away from family v hard even though I preferred canada as a country to the U.K.

No harm in trying it out for your partners sake - I mean it would be unreasonable not to and at least if you didn’t like it after a couple of years you could move back and chalk it up as an adventure you had. However I would let him crack on with trying to get the visa as it probably won’t happen and then can be avoided without it being you blocking the path so to speak

Meadowfinch · 22/06/2025 06:39

TimeForATerf · 22/06/2025 06:13

Let him crack on with it. The UK is going through a difficult time but my life, family, home and friends, therefore happiness, is here. I’d rather be here alone than move to another country with DH, as my life and choices are just as important as his.

Anyway he hasn’t a cat in hells chance of going to the US.

This.

Firstly, he probably won't get a visa. Secondly, moving to a new country and starting a business where you have no contacts and do not know the regulations or business norms is madness. He'd be putting himself at a huge disadvantage.

Thirdly, the UK is not that bad if you have money to retrain (which you have). London is fairly awful at the moment but some of the small cities are great.

I'd come up with an alternative proposition. Look at Bristol or Cardiff or Newcastle. Work out where you want to train, then go and have a look. Spend time there.

Maybe he just needs a change of scene.

Poopeepoopee · 22/06/2025 06:54

Just humour him. Every time he mentions it just say "yes you should definately look into that".

There's no free healthcare in America.

PersephoneParlormaid · 22/06/2025 06:56

Just say no, then ask him what he wants to do.

ShoutOutLucile · 22/06/2025 06:59

The US! That’s amazing.

I wouldn’t arse around. I’d just tell him that I wasn’t moving to America under any circumstances and then he can make his decisions with that information in mind.

Bitzee · 22/06/2025 07:09

Based on what you’ve said it’s a complete pipe dream. So I don’t see why it needs to be a dealbreaker. We’ve lived abroad before, DH is pretty keen for another stint, I’m not but my response is always that if there’s an offer on the table then I’ll give it due consideration. So far there’s only been 1 for Singapore through his current company and we mutually agreed the financials didn’t make sense. In your case this is just such a none issue I wouldn’t give it headspace. Just tell him to come back to you when he has a plan for visas, jobs, housing and healthcare, and say that then you’ll think about it. Based on what you’ve said above it’ll never happen.

Needlenardlenoo · 22/06/2025 07:16

It would be completely, utterly bonkers to move to the US without knowing anything about it. It is a very alien culture. Also different parts are extremely different to each other.

At the very least I question your husband's research skills!

Cucy · 22/06/2025 07:36

Well firstly, you need to take a trip to the USA to see if either of you even like it.

I’m not sure why this hasn’t been done yet.
You both seem to have your heads in the clouds.

InSpainTheRain · 22/06/2025 07:50

In your situation I'd tell him to carry on and come back with a plan (visas, work, health care, where in US, etc). It's almost impossible he will get an opportunity to move there but he can research. If he ends up finding a plan that works you dont have to go. Just carry on with your training in the UK.

MaisieMacabe · 22/06/2025 07:53

Does he feel that the USA currently fits in more with his political outlook? Is it the fact we have a Labour government troubling him?

Sherararara · 22/06/2025 07:53

Without an avenue to get a visa to whatever country the whole thing is a moot point. It’s nice to day dream but he needs to accept reality.

Twelftytwo · 22/06/2025 07:55

Well I wouldn't worry about it since it sounds like you have zero chance of getting a green card/visa.

Also I'd be seriously questioning his intelligence and his politics if he is thinks the US is a desirable place to live.

LoveSandbanks · 22/06/2025 07:57

Fuck me, I’d not be crossing the road with someone who thought moving to the US might be a good idea! Why? Why the hell does he want to move to America?

3luckystars · 22/06/2025 07:59

Sounds like he hasn’t done much research and is all talk.

Candlesandmatches · 22/06/2025 08:02

As someone who has moved abroad the process is as follows. Particularly if you don’t have a passport for the country you want to move to:
Apply for jobs abroad from your home country
Interview and get job
Then you apply for visas etc
Then you move over to the country

You cannot just move to a country and apply for jobs. Firstly because your visa status may not allow work and secondly because you will spend a lot of money while looking for jobs.
This is different if you have a passport for that country. Or are very rich and can afford to buy your way in. Even for self employment you need a think wedge of cash behind you.

whynotmereally · 22/06/2025 08:05

Surely out of the 197 countries in the world he can find a better one than the US

SamDeanCas · 22/06/2025 08:08

There’s no way I’d move to the US, it’s way worse than the UK

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