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Original poster

I don't want to move abroad but husband does

57 replies

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 00:25

Has anyone else been through this? In the early days of our relationship, my husband was very pro living in England. Since being an older teenager, I've always been open to the idea of moving abroad should a decent work opportunity crop up, but never actively sought it out. In the last year he's said he wants to sell our business and emigrate. as the UK is fucked. I'm on board with the idea of selling the business, as it was always something that was his passion rather than mine. We now have the funds for me to retrain to pursue a career that's more aligned with my interests, which he fully supports, and he can financially support himself for a while.

He's spoken about moving to the US, despite neither of us having ever even travelled over there or knowing anyone who lives there. Neither of us have qualifications which would make us especially desirable to get a job/visa. We're not that rich that we can get in by throwing money at another country. I feel like it's ultimately a dealbreaker in the relationship as I really don't want to move abroad and he still isn't keen on staying in the UK.

OP posts:
Theyreeatingthedogs · 22/06/2025 08:08

I think your husband needs to visit his GP. He wants to go to live in the land of the orange monster???? He is not well.

Greenartywitch · 22/06/2025 08:11

Moving to the US is not easy due to their immigration rules.

Unless he has a job offer/sponsor for a green card/visa or has the funds to start a business there I don't see how it would work.

The US under Trump is not a place to move to either!

I lived in the US for two years and always have had a soft spot for the country but would never live there while Trump/MAGA are in power.

BountifulPantry · 22/06/2025 08:15

It’s really simple. You say no that doesn’t work for you and you want to remain in the UK.

He is a grown adult and is perfectly capable of making up his own mind.

AgentJohnson · 22/06/2025 08:15

You cannot just move to a country and apply for jobs. Firstly because your visa status may not allow work and secondly because you will spend a lot of money while looking for jobs.

This

Be honest with him and if you don’t want to move, say so.

anxietytty · 22/06/2025 08:19

I know this isn’t the point but he thinks the UK is fucked so he wants to move to… the US?! OP, read the news! The US is extremely fucked! (Or does he love Trump and hate woman and a stable economy?)

Also, it’s very hard to move there now. Ten years ago, a friend of mine did by opening a business and putting £250k into it. I have know idea if that’s a possibility anymore. I think now you’d need a company to sponsor you or put a lot more than £250k in, but unsure and worth some research.

ShanghaiDiva · 22/06/2025 08:20

Moving to the US is highly unlikely in your current situation. I have lived in four different countries and wouldn’t move anywhere that I hadn’t visited to thoroughly researched.
moving overseas sounds great, but having lived overseas for 25 years a lot of the time it’s same shit, different bucket.

Vivienne1000 · 22/06/2025 08:33

We have lived abroad, including the U.S. However everything was organised and paid for by my husbands company, so it was a lot easier. We had some amazing experiences, but I was glad to come home in the end. Living abroad taught me there are plenty of things which are positive about the UK.

tara66 · 22/06/2025 08:43

He's a few decades too late. Even foreign students at university there are being told to leave.

Richiewoo · 22/06/2025 08:52

America is even worse than the UK. Tell him to rethink his plans.

deismevav · 22/06/2025 09:00

Bizarre to consider moving to a country you’ve never visited. Like others have said, the likelihood of getting a visa is miniscule.

MaisieMacabe · 22/06/2025 09:06

Richiewoo · 22/06/2025 08:52

America is even worse than the UK. Tell him to rethink his plans.

Perhaps there are things about it that he really likes, and prefers to the UK?

TheGrimSmile · 22/06/2025 09:18

USA is far more fucked than the UK! You also have no hope of getting a visa to live there so don't give it any more headspace

TheGrimSmile · 22/06/2025 09:19

And of he likes the current US leader, it's time to LTB

Original poster
Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 10:10

To be fair Labour have totally shafted small businesses, but we were planning on selling up before they came to power. I feel like most countries are facing similar difficulties to the UK and I don't see where the grass would be significantly greener to uproot our lives. He's not set on the US, but hasn't suggested any other viable options. I'm not sure of any countries where it's that easy to get a visa unless you're extremely rich or have qualifications/work experience which are sought after. I think the US want you to invest a million dollars into an American business which isn't something we're in a position to do.

To me, moving to the US would have been a reasonable option to consider a couple of decades ago, but I think he's off his rocker to think life is significantly better over there right now. Despite the issues the NHS has, I'd rather have some free at the point of use healthcare options, as I head into midlife.

It's frustrating that he's still digging his heels in, as we were planning on moving house and now would have been the ideal time to do it as it will be easier to get a mortgage whilst we still have the business and a steady income.

OP posts:
MadamCholetsbonnet · 22/06/2025 10:15

Do you have children or plans to have them? If so, you need to take Hague Convention into account. Plenty of people stuck in a country they hate because they don’t want to leave their kids and can’t leave with them unless other parent agrees.

Tell him you are staying put. Don’t be bullied.

Daisyvodka · 22/06/2025 10:27

Um, I dont know how to put this but is he... okay? As I'd genuinely be a bit concerned that he could have seen the news this year and still think the US is a good option. Is he well in himself otherwise, or I suppose another question, is he a man who does his research?

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 22/06/2025 10:53

outerspacepotato · 22/06/2025 00:55

Hahahahahahahaha

If he thinks the UK is fucked, wait until he sees the US......

We literally have people getting kidnapped by goons off the street and disappeared. Due process is a joke. We are not living under the rule of law.

Health insurance is costly, tied to your job, and doesn't cover everything. You get sick and you are fucked.

My sil wants to move to the US, and has been banging on about it for years.

She’s watched too many films, and far too much Kardashian shite, so she thinks that’s what her own life would be like.
I told my brother to stick a few episodes of Judge Judy on for her instead, cos that’s what life is like for regular working class Americans.

She’s deluded.

localnotail · 22/06/2025 11:14

America is not the country to move to at the moment. Even is a best of times, its very...special, and would only suit certain people. You need to live there for a bit to make your decision, understand the system otherwise you can fuck your life royally.

I have a family there and for me, health insurance is a biggest turn off, as well as gun violence. Health insurance - even if you have a best and most expensive one its still a constant battle for appointments, medication, procedures to be accepted, and you still pay a lot on top of the insurance - it never completely covers everything. Also, a lot of doctors offer procedures and meds that would get them best pay rather than what you actually need (or even don't need).

Gun violence - shootings every day, shooter drills at schools, being in a position to be shot anywhere - literally, any argument or confrontation could end up with you being shot. I dont know that many people there but I still know of a few who died by gun violence.

Plus, fentanyl. Plus, opioids and strong prescription drugs for everything. And on top of it all, a superficial weird and very racists culture with odd unfunny sense of humour and incomprehensible class system.

But yep, you get a big house and a big car.

Crushed23 · 22/06/2025 11:24

I emigrated from the UK to the US last year due to stagnant wages. That’s it. I loved everything else about living in the UK. In what way does he (and a large chunk of MN, it seems) think the UK is “fucked”?

Vaxtable · 22/06/2025 11:27

I would tell him I am not interested. However if he is that keek. He can go ahead and find out the info. Then he will find that probably no country would give you a work visa and job done

localnotail · 22/06/2025 11:28

Crushed23 · 22/06/2025 11:24

I emigrated from the UK to the US last year due to stagnant wages. That’s it. I loved everything else about living in the UK. In what way does he (and a large chunk of MN, it seems) think the UK is “fucked”?

I think people who say that simply like to moan. "UK is fucked" has been going on forever, I've heard it for at least 20 years.

Its either "grass is greener" situation or actually people who prefer much more conservative society (much more conservative that what our Conservative party has to offer).

MaisieMacabe · 22/06/2025 12:27

localnotail · 22/06/2025 11:28

I think people who say that simply like to moan. "UK is fucked" has been going on forever, I've heard it for at least 20 years.

Its either "grass is greener" situation or actually people who prefer much more conservative society (much more conservative that what our Conservative party has to offer).

Show quote history

Oh, I heard it back in the 70s!
Mind you, inflation was running at 30%, there was a 3 day week, strikes and power cuts!

Mumdiva99 · 22/06/2025 12:44

Let him go. I've always told my husband he can retire abroad/move away when the kids are older if he wants. I would never stop him or trap him here. (He equally can't expect to have 2 homes. If he moves abroad he can come back and visit but it will be staying in my home/my rules. I know he won't ever actually do it. But he can never say that I stopped him.)

PermanentTemporary · 22/06/2025 12:54

I’d want a lot more detail to the ‘UK is fucked’ conversation before I would be convinced that the problems would be improved by moving somewhere else. Also I’d want a big pull as in ‘I have fallen in love with Oregon/ North Carolina /New Mexico and I have a job offer and want to live there because of x, y and z’ rather than ‘let’s go to the US’.

I’m a total homebody so not going anywhere and despite life not being perfect I definitely don’t think the UK is fucked, it’s a great place to live. Sounds more as if he’s at a low point following sake of his business, which is fair enough. A bit of emotional intelligence required.

Harrysmummy246 · 22/06/2025 12:55

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 00:25

Has anyone else been through this? In the early days of our relationship, my husband was very pro living in England. Since being an older teenager, I've always been open to the idea of moving abroad should a decent work opportunity crop up, but never actively sought it out. In the last year he's said he wants to sell our business and emigrate. as the UK is fucked. I'm on board with the idea of selling the business, as it was always something that was his passion rather than mine. We now have the funds for me to retrain to pursue a career that's more aligned with my interests, which he fully supports, and he can financially support himself for a while.

He's spoken about moving to the US, despite neither of us having ever even travelled over there or knowing anyone who lives there. Neither of us have qualifications which would make us especially desirable to get a job/visa. We're not that rich that we can get in by throwing money at another country. I feel like it's ultimately a dealbreaker in the relationship as I really don't want to move abroad and he still isn't keen on staying in the UK.

UK is fucked but the USA isn't. He's delusional then eh