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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to move abroad but husband does

57 replies

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 00:25

Has anyone else been through this? In the early days of our relationship, my husband was very pro living in England. Since being an older teenager, I've always been open to the idea of moving abroad should a decent work opportunity crop up, but never actively sought it out. In the last year he's said he wants to sell our business and emigrate. as the UK is fucked. I'm on board with the idea of selling the business, as it was always something that was his passion rather than mine. We now have the funds for me to retrain to pursue a career that's more aligned with my interests, which he fully supports, and he can financially support himself for a while.

He's spoken about moving to the US, despite neither of us having ever even travelled over there or knowing anyone who lives there. Neither of us have qualifications which would make us especially desirable to get a job/visa. We're not that rich that we can get in by throwing money at another country. I feel like it's ultimately a dealbreaker in the relationship as I really don't want to move abroad and he still isn't keen on staying in the UK.

OP posts:
goldenretrieverenergy · 22/06/2025 12:57

I’d not be worried. Your chance of legally moving to the US is practically 0 unless you win a green card lottery.
Let him talk and live in his little fantasy world.

anxietytty · 22/06/2025 17:10

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 10:10

To be fair Labour have totally shafted small businesses, but we were planning on selling up before they came to power. I feel like most countries are facing similar difficulties to the UK and I don't see where the grass would be significantly greener to uproot our lives. He's not set on the US, but hasn't suggested any other viable options. I'm not sure of any countries where it's that easy to get a visa unless you're extremely rich or have qualifications/work experience which are sought after. I think the US want you to invest a million dollars into an American business which isn't something we're in a position to do.

To me, moving to the US would have been a reasonable option to consider a couple of decades ago, but I think he's off his rocker to think life is significantly better over there right now. Despite the issues the NHS has, I'd rather have some free at the point of use healthcare options, as I head into midlife.

It's frustrating that he's still digging his heels in, as we were planning on moving house and now would have been the ideal time to do it as it will be easier to get a mortgage whilst we still have the business and a steady income.

The thing is, he can dig his heels in all he wants but it sounds like it isn’t an option for him no matter now much he wants it. So I wouldn’t worry about it.

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 17:38

I'm not worried about it actually happening, as others have pointed out, it wouldn't be possible to just get visas and if he somehow managed it, I just wouldn't go. I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how you handled the conversations? It feels like I'm wasting time for him to go through the motions of trying it and him finding out it's not possible even though it's glaringly obvious to me.

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 22/06/2025 17:40

Have you got kids and if not do you plan to have them? Do not have children or take your children anywhere else to live. You'll never be able to bring them home without his permission if you split up.

Notemigrating · 22/06/2025 17:53

No kids and no plans to have them, so there's that positive in this situation!

OP posts:
localnotail · 22/06/2025 19:23

Just tell him to go ahead and sort it out - but only for himself.

Edited: tell him you will join him later once he settled down.

Munchyseeds2 · 22/06/2025 19:50

Just let him look into it and come to his own conclusions..

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