Giving in too early - update

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

So. The guy I met at the gym who said “he wants me to get worn in by his dick” saw me on Monday. Was peacocking all over the gym and trying to be near me. I had a chat with him outside. Smacked his bum and jokingly said nice arse outside and walked off.

Honesly he couldn’t have got closer to me on Monday if he tried. Then yesterday he wasn’t there. So I didn’t bother messaging or texting him because I couldn’t see the point I just saw him.

today was much less performative. Didn’t really do as much. Still tested the proximity with me and came closer. Quite a few times.

so we left together and I tried to have the convo with him about what this was. He just said “I don’t see much serious coming from this but that could change” so I kept trying to understand what exactly his point was here but he just wouldn’t talk to me and repeatedly walked off.

he asked me to call him. I did. He didn’t answer. I just ended it all unfollowed him.

BTW he said my red flags were: getting annoyed that he chucked a receipt at me and putting in a boundary saying can you not. On a level don’t throw things at me. Then also he kept calling women bitches and I smacked his mouth because he said I’ll be his bitch. (I said sorry immediately as violence is never okay)

I tried decoding all the signals of him coming closer on my way home. I cried to my mum. She said block delete and move on. So I did. And I’ll never hear from him again I suppose.

Via text the day after. And I said don’t speak to me that way and he just said I sound grumpy over text. Came over to me at the gym, had a chat and acted normal, then yesterday still did a bit more coming over to me but he felt colder then the conversation happened.

Yeah I get it. I know I have. I’ve made myself look desperate which is worse.

I said it jokingly. Just to clarify that during intimacy he smacked my behind so firmly it bruised.

Although im well aware I should have never raised my hand at him.

OP you need to try and forget about this creep. Don’t change gyms, I don’t see why you should have to do that. Just tell him you don’t want anything more to do with him, block him, and blank him at the gym. Chalk it down to experience. You had sex with him and you enjoyed the sex, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. But don’t do it again!

i feel stupid and pathetic. I’m just very confused at how:

he can move me from the back of my neck on date 1, and I put a boundary in and say no

yet I smack him (wrongly and I know that but as a woman who’s short and not strong it wouldn’t hurt and it wasn’t in public) and I’m wrong and a red flag for that even though I immediately said I’m sorry

he can throw a receipt at me and maybe I was too harsh when I stopped and said “no. Don’t. Don’t throw anything at me ever again” I got a patronising sorry. But I know in that moment I felt a lack of respect. But he doesn’t see it as a red flag.

He made a vile comment. Then on volume 10 on Monday kept talking about sex at the gym too. I kept saying stop. Again. He doesn’t see the red flags in himself. Just me.

Aw lovey no you didn’t screw up- if he wanted more then he would be pursuing more with you whether or not you already had sex.

I think we all have a tendency to romanticise people when we fancy them, so we want to think they are these lovely perfect men /women so when they start going off the script we have written then we start ascribing all these reasons for their behaviour rather than admit the reality which is they aren’t the person you thought they were .

When you are getting to know/dating a guy you shouldn’t need to chase them or play games to win them over , if you find yourself agonising over if he is really into you or analysing messages etc in order to figure out what they really mean then it’s time to bow out gracefully , game players are not decent guys.

OMG. You need so much help. Please go out and find a good therapist.

Literally everything you say about him makes your subsequent behaviour more concerning. He pushed you by your neck in your first date and you saw him again, and appeared still to be primarily concerned with what he thought of you?

Jesus Christ. While you’re doing these things, do they seem like rational adult behaviour to you? Or do you just literally have no self control?

AI still has some way to go before it sounds convincing.

Why on earth would you even speak to someone who said he wanted you to get worn in with his dick ?!

Is there something wrong with you that you think this sort of thing is normal ?

You need some self esteem.

I keep quoting my Mother but realise what she used to say is how I feel. To what he said to you she would have remarked ‘ he is the kind of man that is so low he would not even be worthy to wipe the shit off my shoe on’.

He is a nasty man and you feel bad because he used you for sex. Find another gym and block him. He will try it on with plenty others.

Also this.

Also is he on steroids or something? Aggressive idiot.

Stop worrying about what he wants, what he thought, what he meant, what he said.

Think only of your own standards. They are way too low. As a minimum you deserve to be treated with respect and care.

Entertain men who meet those standards then assess if there could be more (chemistry, fun, shared interests). Never try to change another person's mind or compromise your own standards. Don't worry if you're not good enough for them. If they behave poorly THEY are not good enough for YOU and you waste no more time with them.

Put this loser out of your head, enjoy getting fitter and get on with your life.

So, the very first time he did the very first one of those things, you should have gone ‘nope’ and left. Nothing he did or said is okay, and nobody is saying it is. However, your reactions (literally all of them, for a range of different reasons) were problematic.

Because OP is a poor victim with low self esteem who deserves better.. I see this crap all the time on here.
Bollocks.
She's as bad as he is. Not all women are with shit men because they're victims, plenty are with shit nen because they are also shit women.

Are you sure it’s not me? Am I doing something wrong?

Continuing to entertain, engage with and chase men who treat you disrespectfully. You’re doing yourself a disservice.

Yes OP, it is you. For some strange reason you are allowing, hell - you are even chasing, abusive and volatile men. Stop dating and find yourself a good therapist.

This sounds like a Shameless / Love Island crossover episode.

OP please stop with all the navel gazing.

You met a few times, had sex, end of story. Any other thoughts about this man are irrelevant.

Don't you have anything else in your life? Work? Family? Friends? Hobbies?

Yes. You are not listening. This guy was appalling throughout. His behaviour towards you was inappropriate. He is not a safe man to be around.

do not acknowledge him if you see him at the gym again. Treat him like any other stranger.

and get some counselling for relationship boundaries.

He 'playfully' pushes you around when 1 on 1.
He asks to you phone, knows it's you, and then chooses not to pick up, yet, "you sound grumpy over text."
You clearly say “no that’s not okay don’t do it. It’s rude. I mean it”, and he reacts to that that as you being negative and not responding the way he expects with "oh, how amusing, what hilarious company you are..."

Why would this all be building something good for you? Would you take this even in a relationship with any other family member or person you don't know that well?

Mind-blowing, truly.

OP, you do know that if you cave in and sleep with this personality vacuum he's then going to back off so far as to be inconspicuous to the naked eye?

Run. Now.