Giving in too early - update

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

So. The guy I met at the gym who said “he wants me to get worn in by his dick” saw me on Monday. Was peacocking all over the gym and trying to be near me. I had a chat with him outside. Smacked his bum and jokingly said nice arse outside and walked off.

Honesly he couldn’t have got closer to me on Monday if he tried. Then yesterday he wasn’t there. So I didn’t bother messaging or texting him because I couldn’t see the point I just saw him.

today was much less performative. Didn’t really do as much. Still tested the proximity with me and came closer. Quite a few times.

so we left together and I tried to have the convo with him about what this was. He just said “I don’t see much serious coming from this but that could change” so I kept trying to understand what exactly his point was here but he just wouldn’t talk to me and repeatedly walked off.

he asked me to call him. I did. He didn’t answer. I just ended it all unfollowed him.

BTW he said my red flags were: getting annoyed that he chucked a receipt at me and putting in a boundary saying can you not. On a level don’t throw things at me. Then also he kept calling women bitches and I smacked his mouth because he said I’ll be his bitch. (I said sorry immediately as violence is never okay)

I tried decoding all the signals of him coming closer on my way home. I cried to my mum. She said block delete and move on. So I did. And I’ll never hear from him again I suppose.

Crikey

I think the PP was being sarcastic? 😄 They’re clearly not in their 50s 😬

OP, please raise your bar - this man sounds truly vile.

‘So. The guy I met at the gym who said “he wants me to get worn in by his dick”’

Well he sounds like a prince among men! What an absolute charmer.

Why is this even drawing you in? Seriously, raise your bar!

Yes, obvious sarcasm!

No I know. Silly of me to even bother.

What upset me most was whan I was trying to speak to hiM After the gym and he just said I see nothing serious coming of it. I think tried to talk and he just kept saying well I said what I said

Good grief..

I think it’s silly of me to have wasted my time. I just mixed everything up in my head. We went for some nice dinners, we would speak all the time at the gym, I assumed he liked me. he then just told me “I don’t want anything serious with you but it could change” in my head I just heard we had sex. You keep setting a boundary that you won’t let me use you for that and you want to be treated well so what’s the point.

I wasn’t sure if that was the case or if it was also an element of my own behaviour. He kept calling women “bitches” and made a shitty comment toward me and I did smack him (yes this my red flag if I’ve had a drink I don’t think through what I’m doing) but I immediately said “look I’m sorry I don’t know why the hell I just did that”

He told me that was an issue. But, him throwing a receipt in my direction and me saying “no that’s not okay don’t do it. It’s rude. I mean it” is unacceptable and a red flag. Apparently shows I have no sense of humour.

Do you like him? Have you been on any dates?

To me it sounds like he just wants to have sex… doesn’t want a relationship…

I think you need some distance and to focus on your self esteem too.

I cannot imagine getting remotely invested in anyone who calls women bitches. It would reset my brain and I would just walk away mid conversation.

I did like him. And honestly, I thought he liked me too with the dinners, effort to make plans, conversation being extremely polite. The second we had sex the convo became more casual, mannerisms relaxed.

Like I said. I admitted to smacking him, I immediately said I’m so sorry the second I did it. I actually don’t know why I thought that was the right thing to do at the time but apparently I did.

I just felt like yesterday made me feel worse. Being stood there listening to him say “I don’t want anything serious”

I wonder whether his ego was bruised because I ignored him and didn’t text him. Or if actually none of that is true and he just wanted the validation

He did/does just want sex and he’s led you on. I think they call it breadcrumbing, these days. Just paying you enough attention to keep you tying yourself in knots for him.

either way, he sounds like his personality and demeanour is a bunch of shit so just ignore him, delete his messages and find a different gym.

I went this morning. But part of me feels like that would make him feel he’s won. He did win. He got me in knots over what he said to his face. Made me stop him at least 3 times to finish talking to me rather than walking off. Then eventually when he did say no look I’m going ring me later. I tried. He ignored the call.. Then ripped all my self control away and texted him saying “let’s cut the nonsense. It’s clear you’re not into me. Won’t phone me back so at this point. Good luck and take care” blocked and deleted. But it’s still my lack of self worth being shown.

Im feeling semi okay. It’s just the rejection feels a bit of a sting

Stop over analysing things and stop with the therapy speak it’s really not helping!

You started to get to know each other a little, had sex and now it’s fizzled out , it happens and it doesn’t mean either of you are bad people.

It sounds like you need to work on your self esteem, forget blokes for now and focus on yourself.

Grow the fuck up

I get it but I just don’t get whether it was all he wanted or if I entirely screwed it up.

An MA in Social Contact between human sexes and preliminary mating rituals. Specialising in the difficulties caused by sharing 3 brain cells between them.
How dare they suggest MN is deteriorating!

All this talk about boundaries, yet you have none.

You are the person with a house who has her doors and windows wide open, and thinks telling burglars not to enter is keeping her house secure. Maybe you even 'smack a burglar in the mouth' - but you still don't close your means of entry, so there is still no real boundary between the thieves and your possessions.

Shut your doors and windows, and check who people are before letting them in. If someone turns up on your doorstep in a stripy jumper/facemask combo with a bag marked 'swag' (like this guy did), do not let them in.

That's what boundaries are. They don't involve telling people what your boundaries are, or making them change their behaviour. They involve you taking action to restore your boundaries if they are crossed, which will often involve leaving the situation.

In this situation, you have been focussing on how you feel (validated/ego-boosted etc), rather than on whether you want someone in your life who treats you like this man treats you.

He made it blatantly clear that he only wanted sex, then tried to get you to hang on in there (knowing you wanted more), by indicating that that may change. Trying to get you to 'prove' yourself worthy of more.

whereas more of him is not something any sane woman would consider.

Fuck’s sake quit with all this “boundaries” shit, and stop fucking ASSAULTING people.

If a man came on here and said he’d smacked a woman in the face (or on the arse for that matter) he would be obliterated, and I don’t understand why you aren’t being.

OP please tell us the context around him saying "he wants me to get worn in by his dick”. I need to know! When? Where?

I mean there's a place for this type of chat. But the gym it is not!

And...."worn in"....you're not a new sofa!

OP, don’t even contemplate dating anyone for several years until you’ve sorted out your boundaries, self-esteem, communication, and propensity for random violence when you’ve been drinking.

I can’t believe you were still hanging around this repulsive idiot after he told you you needed to be worn in by his dick.

And your drinking! Stop drinking!

In all truthfulness, smacking was a very very stupid thing for me to have done. I have to entirely agree with you. However, I think my body fuelled with rage at the comment, he also pushed me by my neck on date 1. Not in a violent way but I’ve been in volatile relationships before so I hate being touched that way.

Maybe the smack was the red flag to him and I am also the issue here. I’m not unwilling to see my own faults. But I said sorry to him the second I did it. Him on the other hand, he didn’t apologise and when he did it was patronising and much later.

You have made a fool of yourself OP. Have some dignity and change Gyms .

Nice arse is a red flag. I doubt he’ll mind you blocked him.