Relationship after divorce. Is this healthy or weird?

[copernicus5]

I'm in the final stages of divorce. 30 year marriage, 2 years separated, two adult kids. I've been seeing a lovely man for the last six months. We have a lot in common, laugh a lot and have great sex. He's thoughtful and caring and I always look forward to seeing him.

There are two things that bug me.

1. He's been separated for four years but neither of them have even filed for divorce yet. They separated when his ex came out as lesbian. They didn't want their kids to go back and forth between homes so they bought some land with two houses. He lives in one with the kids (16 and 19). She lives in the other with her female partner. While I commend the set up and their ability to remain amicable for the kids, I do find it odd that they haven't progressed the divorce yet.

1. He comes from a culture where divorce is shameful and he hasn't told his parents that he and his wife have separated. He says that he will, but he dreads it because it will hurt them. He feels he already 'shamed' them by marrying outside his culture and the divorce will be another blow and will be seen as a failure. His ex goes along with the charade and, for example, is having dinner as a family with his parents this evening for Father's Day.

I know that I wasn't in a healthy relationship in my marriage and I don't fully trust my own judgement yet, but these two things bug me. Am I just looking for problems or would anyone else find these an issue?

Yes, that's what I said. Apparently the ex argued that the farm is hers (she's getting it in the divorce settlement) and what she says goes.

I feel like she can say whatever she wants, what matters to me is his response, which has been prioritising the Ex's feelings over mine and our relationship. He said he pushed back and they argued until one of the boys told him to drop it, that the Ex wasn't going to back down. That feels like giving in to a bully, which doesn't sit right with me.

I absolutely think you are being played here.
But if this is what you are prepared to accept, that is your decision.
How you could respect such a man, want to be with him and accept such a toxic dynamic is beyond me.

Do you really believe what he says? It all sounds very far fetched to me. He has loads of excuses never to fully commit.
Personally I think it sounds ludicrous.