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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel Unappreciated buy my husband

96 replies

Pen875 · 14/06/2025 07:50

Has anyone ever left a marriage because they have felt unappreciated from their husband's and in their marriage and when your husband asks you to do something it's not good enough for him

OP posts:
Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 09:43

TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 09:34

Does your Mum do the school pick up, make the children’s teas and put them to bed too?..if you’re out till 9 or 10 at night and he won’t do it then she must be..

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 09:45

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/06/2025 09:35

What does your mother think of your H exactly?.

She does not like him

OP posts:
Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 09:46

Chiconbelge · 14/06/2025 09:39

So your Mum is coming to yours at 6.00am every day to look after your children while he’s lying in bed?

Yes

OP posts:
TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 09:46

is your Mum married?

Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 09:49

TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 09:46

is your Mum married?

Yes she is

OP posts:
TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 09:52

Does your Dad think this is a normal situation, where his wife is looking after your children? If he refuses to move out you may as well take the children and go and live with them..it would be a healthier family set up for your children.

Anon765898 · 14/06/2025 09:57

What the fucking hell am I reading?!

You leave the house weekdays at 6am, get back at 9, work weekends too.
Pay all the bills.
Do all the cooking/ cleaning.
Your mum comes to your house everyday to care for your 4 kids.
Your husband quit his job and sits around the house all day doing feck all but has the absolute audacity to moan about YOU!!!

I don’t even have the words….

BuckChuckets · 14/06/2025 10:16

Pen875 · 14/06/2025 08:11

No he is not retired he chose to stop working he used to be a builder but he gave work up to make sure that I was doing the house work right and getting his dinner on the table for him but apparently when I get dinner on the table for him it's not good enough or he doesn't like it

Show quote history

Well then this is not him not appreciating you, this is abuse.

TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 10:17

Are your parents listed as the emergency contact at the children’s schools? Would your husband go and collect the children from school if they were ill? I am trying to build a picture of his day to day involvement.

Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 10:24

TicketyBoo11 · 14/06/2025 09:52

Does your Dad think this is a normal situation, where his wife is looking after your children? If he refuses to move out you may as well take the children and go and live with them..it would be a healthier family set up for your children.

They only have a 2 bed house

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/06/2025 10:25

Pen875 · 14/06/2025 08:11

No he is not retired he chose to stop working he used to be a builder but he gave work up to make sure that I was doing the house work right and getting his dinner on the table for him but apparently when I get dinner on the table for him it's not good enough or he doesn't like it

Show quote history

Get rid of him and get your life back.

howshouldibehave · 14/06/2025 10:27

She does not like him

Why on earth would she facilitate him doing nothing then whilst she does it all?

This thread is bizarre!

rainbowstardrops · 14/06/2025 10:31

Anon765898 · 14/06/2025 09:57

What the fucking hell am I reading?!

You leave the house weekdays at 6am, get back at 9, work weekends too.
Pay all the bills.
Do all the cooking/ cleaning.
Your mum comes to your house everyday to care for your 4 kids.
Your husband quit his job and sits around the house all day doing feck all but has the absolute audacity to moan about YOU!!!

I don’t even have the words….

Absolutely!
@Pen875why the fuck are you tolerating this?!!! You do it all now with your mum, so what exactly would you lose if you weren’t with this waste of space?

ShrankLastWinter · 14/06/2025 10:32

Divorce him.

There are laws against you and your mother popping him under the patio.

Jamfirstest · 14/06/2025 10:33

ltb. Honestly I can’t give any better advice. Op you are clearly a capable adult you will be fine alone!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 14/06/2025 11:27

What is with this weird passivity? This man is a waste of space. Instead of telling him to get the fuck out, you’re moping about complaining that he doesn’t appreciate you. What’s wrong with you?

Anon765898 · 14/06/2025 11:45

ShrankLastWinter · 14/06/2025 10:32

Divorce him.

There are laws against you and your mother popping him under the patio.

I was about to suggest the OP starts growing belladonna but was worried MN might report me for inciting violence🤣

Gyozas · 14/06/2025 11:59

Pen875 · 14/06/2025 08:48

Yes he does take my money and when you say physically abusive what do you mean

Show quote history

I mean, does he physically hurt you, push you, hit you, pinch or burn you? Does he smash the house? Partially use his size and strength to frighten you or fear for your safety? Does he hit things near you in order to make you fear that he’ll progress to hitting you? Does he prevent you from sleeping, eating or drinking? Does he use any forms of abuse towards the children?

This is an unbelievable situation. Your mum is an angel by the sound of it. She must wonder what the fuck is happening that she’s having to parent your children because he refuses.

DaisyChain505 · 14/06/2025 13:09

What is he actually bringing/adding to your life in a positive way?

Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 13:09

Gyozas · 14/06/2025 11:59

I mean, does he physically hurt you, push you, hit you, pinch or burn you? Does he smash the house? Partially use his size and strength to frighten you or fear for your safety? Does he hit things near you in order to make you fear that he’ll progress to hitting you? Does he prevent you from sleeping, eating or drinking? Does he use any forms of abuse towards the children?

This is an unbelievable situation. Your mum is an angel by the sound of it. She must wonder what the fuck is happening that she’s having to parent your children because he refuses.

Show quote history

Yes there has been physically abuse towards me nothing towards the children

OP posts:
Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 13:13

Pen875 · 14/06/2025 13:09

Yes there has been physically abuse towards me nothing towards the children

Show quote history

The physical abuse happens when the kids are in bed

OP posts:
BonaidMhoir · 14/06/2025 13:21

@Pen875 you have to get out of this, it’s not even a relationship. You only have one life and this is an awful way to spend it.

You have your mum’s support and are clearly able to provide for your kids. Don’t have someone stealing your money, time, energy and headspace, especially someone who lifts his hands.

Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 13:23

BonaidMhoir · 14/06/2025 13:21

@Pen875 you have to get out of this, it’s not even a relationship. You only have one life and this is an awful way to spend it.

You have your mum’s support and are clearly able to provide for your kids. Don’t have someone stealing your money, time, energy and headspace, especially someone who lifts his hands.

My mum has got a 2 bed so I can not move in there

OP posts:
Original poster
Pen875 · 14/06/2025 13:24

BonaidMhoir · 14/06/2025 13:21

@Pen875 you have to get out of this, it’s not even a relationship. You only have one life and this is an awful way to spend it.

You have your mum’s support and are clearly able to provide for your kids. Don’t have someone stealing your money, time, energy and headspace, especially someone who lifts his hands.

And he has even thrown things at me during the plates and cups and glasses

OP posts:
BonaidMhoir · 14/06/2025 13:28

I understand the accommodation, but to have a supportive person in your mum who will step up to help you and the kids as you leave/have left is gold.

Not saying any of this is easy, especially if you have been worn down by relentless criticism, but with everything you’ve been carrying imagine what you could do without him.

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