I don't feel appreciated by my fiance

[togo1004]

Hello Forum,
I've been dating my fiance for 2 years now, we've gotten engaged 2 months ago. For the most part our relationship is incredible on all fronts. He recently sat me down and told me that he needs more from me.
He said "You are the best woman I can ever ask for, but I think you can show me love in different ways, and you can talk to me on what I can improve as well. I feel that our responsibilities are uneven, I don't want to sit and count what we do on a daily, but I feel you can do a few things that can make me feel alot more loved"
I don't handle criticism very well and I immediately became defensive and said "You don't think I do alot? I do so much here I take care of the whole house"
He says "It's not what I mean, I know you do alot but maybe you can shift your focus, and by the way you do not take care of the entire home, I don't want to list what we do but let's list it for this discussion sake"
Then he took a pen and paper and started writing things down
What he does

1. Pay all of the bills: Food, property tax, maintenance, dates, vacation, medical, anything to do $ he covers all of it. (which is true)
2. He does the dishes
3. He takes the dog out, cleans out his pads every morning, cleans up the dog mess.
4. He cleans the bathroom including drain and toilet
5. He handles the food disposal (It's separate in this country and has to be discarded into a specific area that day)
6. He helps with cleaning (mopping the floor)
7. He also takes the trash+recycling (in this country we have to separate everything and can only take them out monday to a designated location)
8. cooks his own food

What I do

1. Laundry: Machine wash, fold, and organize them into drawers and closets
2. Cook my own food
3. Clean the house, organize on a regular basis.
4. Organize cabinets and drawers
5. I also work but I don't contribute to our living, as I make less than him and I have debt from before we met and is actively paying that off.

He feels burned out that he has barely any time to rest as he also works from 3pm to 1am (He works from home but often goes to the office and admitted to me that he goes there because he feels too distracted at home).
He says that he wishes that I woke up earlier (I do sleep quite alot I wake up around 1pm everyday), and he feels that I should handle all of the cooking and wishes that I cater to him a bit more.
He gave examples, he said that he wishes he's made him coffee in the AM along with breakfast, so that he's not running all over in the morning from cleaning the dog mess, preparing the dogs food, and looking at his work to see what happened while he was sleeping.
He wishes that when he's at the gym that I prepare his lunch for him so when he comes back he can just pick it up shower and go straigh to his office instead of cooking, showering, and doing other chore all at once.
I got defensive and defended myself and he kept saying that he isnt attacking me and that I'm already amazing but he feels the responsibilities are unbalanced a bit and would like a little more from me. I started crying hysterically and he tried to calm me down.
I told him that I do alot especially pick up after him. He has a habit of knocking things down like tooth paste and other things and leaves it knocked down, I don't think he realizes and he leaves things open. I told him I'm also doing these things and is very tiring, he said he does the same after me and that I often leave things open, drop things, but if he sees it he just closes them and picks them up as it's not a big deal and we as humans sometimes don't realize that we've left things open and knocked things down, I got really defensive and said I don't do those things and he said he literally closed all my closet door and picked up my socks from the floor and put them in the laundry basket this morning and he said that he cant believe that I think this is difficult as I do the same thing and that we as partners look after one another.
I don't know if I can handle the extra responsibilities. I feel like he was cornering me and telling me that I don't do enough I feel really unappreciated. He said that he was in a situation before when he wasn't contributing financially and lived with a friend and he took care of the entire house, cleaning and cooking and even grocery shopping (with his friends money) and did it happily because he felt it was good to make his life a bit easier and it would be really nice if I can do the same.
He said ok, in the AM you don't have to wake up, but when I'm at the gym and have to goto office I have to pack 2 things, a fruit/protein shake, which I blend in the blender and a small lunch. He does eat exactly the same food daily, for lunch its 100g of lamb meat, 100g of veggies and 100g of rice. The meat and veggies are frozen and can be just cooked on frying pan while he showers.
The issue is I need alot of sleep, I sleep same time as he does around 230am and he wakes up at 1030 everyday to goto gym and does morning chores as bringing delivered groceries in, and i usually wake up around when he's back from the gym and starts cooking and showering to goto office.
How do I handle this? I feel so tired and need help so I can maintain this relationship because I love him.

You need to do more. You need to contribute to the household financially. You need to see a doctor about sleep issues

It does seem to me that your not doing very much. Why do you cook separately ? You can't be doing laundry every day. Basically all your doing is laundry and making yourself something to eat. Fiance is doing the rest. Make a list and divide it fairly between the both of you.
Why are you sleeping for 11hours each night ? If you really do, and not just lying in bed, then you need to see a Doctor. It could be your thyroid. Go to bed earlier and have 8 hours sleep then you could make his breakfast. I'm sure he would appreciate that. He seems like a decent man especially as he is paying for everything. Show him some respect instead of taking advantage of his good nature. It all seems very one sided just now and you should be a team working together.

I think he is right, for the most part.

I do general cleaning daily of vacuuming and etc. He rarely complains but I asked him recently what was wrong because he seemed a bit withdrawn and tired.

Then he mentioned this to me but I feel I do so much already, and he's using the fact that all bills are paid by him to do less house work.

I'm sorry but based on what you said I'm with your fiancée. Why do you sleep so much? What are your working hours if you're sleeping to 1pm everyday? It sounds like he does a lot more plus he has 100% financial responsibility for the both of you. Listen to what he's telling you.

Why don’t you contribute financially? What are your working hours?

can you pick up a few of his chores?
dishes and bathroom?

I agree with him. Youve listed organise cabinets and drawers i mean come on thats hardly a chore. Its not like youre doing it every week. There seems to be quite an imbalance

You sleep til 1pm?? And were crying hysterically at his criticism.

You sound lazy and spoiled and if he was a friend of mine id be encouraging him to run very fast in the opposite direction.

If you plan to have children in the future how will they fit into your pampered princess lifestyle or will that be more duties to add to his list

You're a walking (or sleeping) red flag

You’re being ridiculous. You absolutely do not ‘do everything’ around the house, that’s perfectly obvious, and the fact you’ve listed ‘organising cupboards’ on your list is so telling for how little you do and how much you’re scraping around for more to add to look busy.

He is right. You need to get up earlier and do more.

I can't contribute financially because I have debt before I met him and I'm actively trying to pay that off.

He's also quite traditional person and believes that he should take care of me financially. In return, he also thinks that I should look after him and to him that's saving him time.

But I feel overwhelmed already with work, and the things I already do.

I've always been this way since I was a kid, If I don't sleep atleast 10-12 hours I cannot function and wake up with a migraine. I work at home as a developer so I work from around 2 to 9.

I feel I'm already doing so much and so physically tired, he thinks that's because my diet is poor and I don't exercise. So he's been training me at night time as well, I can barely do 10 air squats lol

There's no need to be rude, but I really feel I do everything in the house. I clean up the floor and general cleaning.

He does more of the dirty work of cleaning up after the dog, cleaning the veranda because our dog pee and poo there on the pad, but often time misses so he has to clean the entire veranda. I do laundry, mopping, vacuume, and he does the dishes, takes the trash out, clean the veranda/bathroom.

And he still feels he's doing too much because he pays all of the bills.

am I really wrong here?

I don’t think you sound compatible. I think you both need some time apart and decide what you want.

You could start by getting to bed earlier. You'd have more energy for a start.

You don’t sound that compatible really. He is focused and works out and eats healthily. You sleep a lot and may care less about the regimented eating.
I always say it takes two years for the cracks to show. Irritation to set in. Are you young? Under 25? Young people can sleep a lot but grow out of it.? Do you plan to have children because don’t! You’ll need to manage on a few hours sometimes.

Well reading your post it certainly doesn’t sound like you do everything at all. His list looks longer than yours, but could be other stuff you’re doing not listed. But there’s plenty of women on these forums who do everything and a heck of a lot more to balance than your list. What would happen if you had kids? If you can’t cope with the chores you do and need to sleep until 1.30pm (which sounds excessive amount of sleep for an adult) then I think kids might be off your future plans. Have you seen a doctor? Maybe your iron is low. But yes I do think your partner does a lot more than you looking at the list.

Given he is paying all the bills, I probably would cook his lunch for him before work. Either way, he clearly feels you’re not pulling your weight.

You said in your OP he helps with the floor cleaning.
Either way, he’s right. You don’t contribute enough financially or domestically. There is a significant imbalance that sounds like it already is leading to resentment.

This.

Normally I’m Team Woman but it’s pretty clear he’s doing a lot and you’re… sleeping. And not paying your way.

I agree with him.

So if you weren’t with him you would have to still do your list
plus pay your bills
plus food/waste/recycling
plus dog
plus wash dishes
plus bathroom and drains

if he wasn’t with you he would have more cash
have to wash his clothes
and tidy up a bit

How often do you need to arrange a cupboard?

You have the much better deal OP

Unless you live an an enormous property I cannot see how you are doing so much.

Also, you refer to one dog, how much poo does one dog produce to be cleared up? It sounds like you are both keen to build up your parts somewhat.

What’s a developer?

You're lazy and ges called you out on it I wouldn't rush to marry you if I was him, you don't sound easy to love with.

He’s absolutely correct.

If this was the other way round, he’d be getting called a lazy freeloading cocklodger and every post would be saying LTB.

Sounds like you want a free ride and you’re just offering excuse after excuse.

Either step up or walk away and let the poor guy find an equal partner. You’re not a child and he’s not your patent so stop acting like it!

I don’t know how much clearer I, or anyone else, can be.. you don’t do everything, not even close, and yes, you’re in the wrong.