New man hasn’t asked about kids

[Lovehearts92]

Hello

am I over reacting? I feel it’s a red flag. Been dating someone for a couple of months now.

i have a young DD and he knows this. I’m very open when he asks what I’m doing, I make sure I say that I’m with my DD at the park, shopping, cinema etc.

however he hasn’t once asked me about DD. Doesn’t know name, age, anything.

he says he sees this going somewhere and he really likes me but I can’t help but feel it’s a red flag. My DD is my world and I expect someone to take an interest if they see this progressing into a long term relationship.

my friends have said maybe he feels uncomfortable asking as we’re still getting to know each other.

I haven’t been in the dating game for that long follow my split with EXH of 9 years so I’m a bit out of touch with everything. He’s been single for 12 years and hasn’t dated anyone with children before.

What do others think?

Yeah I'd be put off by this. He doesn't have to pretend he's going to be the next best daddy, but he does need to demonstrate that he understands that he'll never be the no. 1 priority in your life. If he's not even asking how she is then he's going to struggle with the reality of you living together if it gets that far.

That’s very strange. He’s never ever asked about her? Didn’t he ask you about your life in the first dates? How did she not come into the conversation?

Just ask him why he hasn’t asked.

Well another way of looking at it would be that it would be a red flag if he expressed too much interest in your child

I think it's entirely natural that he wouldn't be interested in your DC. Why would he be?

From a point of view of the relationship developing further it might be a problem. Does he want a ready made family? Probably not.

So not remotely a red flag, but possibly makes him of less interest to you as a potential LTR.

I think it's safe to assume that if you feel the needntonask if somethings a red flag, it's a red flag.

However, if it's worrying you, why don't you ask him about it? Or would that be awkward? If it is, I think that's another red flag.

Two month; eight weeks; eight weekends; forty days.

DH and I didn't stop talking on our first date. On our second I knew how many children he wanted, his ambitions, his music, his dreams, his exes.

"doesn't know name, age, anything"

Maybe if you haven't mentioned these facts to him he feels you are being guarded?!

I have dated as a single mum, I can't imagine talking about being a mum and it not falling into conversation that my child is X years old, or use their name when I'm talking about them?!

Does he asks lots of questions generally about your life/feelings/experiences?? If he doesn't fair enough but if he does maybe he feels like on the topic of your child he's following your lead?

I expect he doesn't want to come across as too keen to meet your young daughter.

Couple of months in and showing no interest. No, it's going nowhere, especially when he's not interested in the basic information.

Next time you mention that you’re with your daughter or whatever, I’d also say ‘she’s 5, her names Evie and she’s a delight BTW just in case you were wondering’ sarcastic af but that’s just me.

If you’re always updating him that you’ve been with DD at the park, shopping, cinema etc then he probably doesn’t feel any need to ask anything - you’ve already told him. If it’s been a couple of months, surely by this point you’d just naturally say “I took Lily swimming” or whatever, rather than “I took my daughter swimming.” If you’re still doing the latter, perhaps he thinks you’re being cagey and isn’t interested in prying.

I have this amusing image in my head of a guy crying into his beer in a pub somewhere saying to his mates "I've been seeing her for a couple of months and she hasn't once asked if my car is the 1.8ltr with turbo or the normally aspirated 3ltr. She doesn't even know if it has passenger air bags." and them all nodding along, "It's definitely a red flag, mate, there's something wrong with her."

Off course it’s a red flag. Come on. He never asked how is X? So he doesn’t even care to ask her name? This is a man who wants to be with a woman, her child is the inconvenience. If you can’t see this as a big red flag then I’m not sure what will.

How old are you both OP?

I have a friend who was put off by a guy she started seeing because he told her once that he loved her DD (and he never had met her). That was just weird.

Well, yes, I expect that's exactly how he sees it, he doesn't have children of his own so presumably he isn't wild about children. Some people aren't. And yes, I'm sure he's very keen on the OP and far less keen on her DD. That's totally normal, it would be really odd if it were different

That’s bizarre. I would be concerned he’s trying to forget you have kids/ he isn’t really wanting to be with someone with children. Id be having an honest conversation about whether being with someone with kids is what he really wants.

how does he respond when you talk to him about your child?

I mean they’ve been seeing each other two months. He knew she had kids from the start. It’s odd to not even ask how they are. But it’s odd that OP hasn’t brought the subject of her child up even once too.

I was thinking this.

There are people out there that get with others with children for sick reasons.

You can’t take anything for granted but I wonder if this is him being respectful of your dc’s privacy.

Ask him.

He could be in it for casual sex. They normally say they are looking for a LTR, while waiting for the sex Just because he's been single for 12 years, doesn't mean he hasn't played the field. Or, he could be just waiting for the right woman.

Maybe, but not really a red flag.

If he doesn't know her name, age etc then I'm guessing you've not brought these things up in conversation either? He may be following your lead and not asking any questions until you're ready to share yourself?

I have to say I find it a little strange that you've been dating for two months and you've never mentioned her name.

Unless it’s a casual thing it’s normal to be upfront you have children, especially two months in

This is the first thing I thought of, especially if he knows she has kids and they slept together quickly

Well she's told him she has DD. Is a two month relationship casual? I'd say no.