New man hasn’t asked about kids

[Lovehearts92]

Hello

am I over reacting? I feel it’s a red flag. Been dating someone for a couple of months now.

i have a young DD and he knows this. I’m very open when he asks what I’m doing, I make sure I say that I’m with my DD at the park, shopping, cinema etc.

however he hasn’t once asked me about DD. Doesn’t know name, age, anything.

he says he sees this going somewhere and he really likes me but I can’t help but feel it’s a red flag. My DD is my world and I expect someone to take an interest if they see this progressing into a long term relationship.

my friends have said maybe he feels uncomfortable asking as we’re still getting to know each other.

I haven’t been in the dating game for that long follow my split with EXH of 9 years so I’m a bit out of touch with everything. He’s been single for 12 years and hasn’t dated anyone with children before.

What do others think?

He may be completely uninterested in your daughter or he may feel nervous about talking about her in case you think he’s a pedo.

Why not start the conversation off with, ‘Have you dated anyone who has a child before?’ and see where it goes from there.

There’s a good chance he’s thinking:

”She’s very cagey about her daughter. She hasn’t even told me how old she is or even her name!… She clearly doesn’t want me to know.” Or

”I don’t know much about her daughter, but if I ask her questions about her, she might think I’m a paedo.”

Seriously OP, it seems like you’re playing a game here in not volunteering basic skill information… If the guy thinks you’re being cagey, he’s going to think there’s a reason, and wait for you to let him know when you feel ready to do so.

Eight weeks in you can start asking basic questions about his attitude to kids. Does he want any at some point in his life? How does he feel about the fact you have a daughter? See how he answers those questions and you’ll have your answer.

Exactly… It’s concerning how many people leap to conclusions on here that assume the worst, without thinking there may be very valid reasons for his behaviour.

I see it all the time on MN. Someone does something, and people default to assume it’s done with the worst possible motives.

theres a lot of comments regarding me being ‘weird’ not talking about my DD. quite frankly, if someone doesn’t ask then I won’t be willing telling you information about my child.

its usually a natural part of a conversation to tell someone that you have children and they ask how old are they, what’s their name etc.

I couldn’t be more upfront about being a mum, but I’d feel very uncomfortable talking about things that someone hasn’t asked.

I didn’t realise that most people think 2/3months is a relationship. I was with EXH for a long time so would say this is still the stage where we’re getting to know one another. I’m certainly taking it slow as I’m not the type to rush into anything and certainly not the type to introduce DD to someone before one year.

i agree with most PP’s that a serious conversation needs to be had and I will discuss next time we’re together.

Thanks to those who have commented and to those who have been kind.

It’s fine, you’ve only known him 2 months! You could start mentioning her a bit more if you want but for now it’s you he’s interested in! Slow down!

its usually a natural part of a conversation to tell someone that you have children and they ask how old are they, what’s their name etc

Between women, yes. Between men less so.

You want to talk about your DC but you're refusing to initiate it. That's not how conversation works.

If he wants to talk about the disappearance of the 9th legion in Germania he's likely going to need to kick that conversation off becaise I doubt it's at the forefront of your mind. If you want to talk about your DC that's likely going to need to come from you.

serious conversation

He's going to love that. 🤦‍♂️