I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I am 30 F, he is 33 M.
I have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship and we have 2 children 1 and 2.
My partner is hard working, self employed builder and works 6 days a week. He is a good father to the children. He always made me feel like he only had eyes for me and was supportive in helping me set my business up, he does have his good qualities.
I found out 6 months ago he was being blackmailed for leaving a prostitute waiting at a hotel.
This then unraveled a pattern of behaviour.
When I first met my partner I asked if he took drugs, he told me he had tried cocaine in his teenage years but hadn't since (then 23). There was a few occassions over the next 7 years I became aware he had used cocaine, such as festivals or nights out. It caused some arguments but he told me it was one off use with friends and wouldn't happen again. This wasn't often as far as I was aware.
When I was pregnant with our first child I found out at my baby shower he was using cocaine. He promised never to do it again. He sold his property and had £80k in the bank, he moved in with me to be a family ahead of the new baby arriving.
After our son was born his behaviour detioriated and he would sit with friends inside the house using cocaine after coming home from nights out until 6am, this was only about 4 times before I fell pregnant again but he was drinking quite a lot on weekends and going out.
3 months after giving birth I fell pregnant with our second son. He reduced the amount of times he went out and I'm not aware he took cocaine during the pregnancy.
4 months after our son was born his behaviour began to spiral, it would end in arguments due to feeling unsupported with two young children. This led to him staying in hotels on occassions. I have found out whilst staying in a hotel for 2 nights in November 2023 he drank and took cocaine, he drove 50 mins to a prostitutes house and had a blow job. The following day he visited another for sex.
He came back home, and I was none the wiser. In February 2024, an old friend of his had cancer and was holding a fundraiser, he traveled 3 hours away to newport to attend. I booked his hotel, packed his bags, brought him snacks for the journey etc and encouraged him to go and be supportive. That evening we had a minor argument whilst he was away but we resolved it quickly. He has now admitted to taking £200 worth of cocaine and booking a prostitute to his hotel room. When she arrived he said he couldn't go through with it and sent her away reimbursing her for travel. 2 hours later he received a message from another prostitute saying she was available and he drove his car 30 mins away to meet at her house. He has told me he sat outside the house and didn't go through with it and left. The reason he says he changed his mind and visited the second was because he was high on coke and wanted sex.
2 weeks later he went out with friends and returns home on cocaine (he denied this until now) and he kicked the living room door in breaking the door, he also gripped me around the neck and it ended in a scuffle.
2 weeks after he goes out with friends taking cocaine again returning home in the early hours. The following day he was snappy with me and the children, called me a fcking cnt and I asked him to leave. He spent 2 nights in a hotel but says he didn't contact prostitutes.
6 weeks later, the night before our sons second birthday he went out for a pint after work and didn't return home. He stayed at a hotel 5 minutes from our home rather than coming home and admitted he and his friend were looking at prostitutes in the hotel room but said they didn't go through with it.
June 2024 is when he booked a prostitute to a hotel after a fall out over a phone contract and he was blackmailed. He said he didn't have sex.
This all came to my attention in December 2024. He denied everything for a while, admitting to sending messages only and it has took 6 months to hear the truth. I asked him to go for a lie detector test with me, he refused but went for one without telling me and said he manipulated one of the questions to include sex in the hotel in Newport as he drove to Cardiff and had sex in her house.
I asked him to come to my house and tell me the truth as he needed to show remorse to work through this. I was unaware he had been for a lie detector test earlier that day and I recorded the conversation. He admitted to meeting four prostitutes and broke down saying he had been for a lie detector but knew he wouldn't pass it but did it to see if he could before he went for one with me. The next day the results came back that he passed the test which covered the two incidents from 2023 and he had not had sex or met any other prostitutes/ other women since our relationship started in 2015.
It has been a struggle to get the truth out of him. He said he told me he slept with more than he had because I wouldn't let it drop until he confessed to more so I would feel there was nothing left to hide and is saying the lie detector results are the truth. The test was £500 and conducted by a reputable company with examiner having the relevant qualifications.
The £80k from the house sale has gone, be admitted to gambling some, appears to have spent a lot on cocaine, and hotels but we did go to Florida and Egypt with that money too. He has took a £10k loan out from the bank, which he's brought a motorbike for £3k. As stated he works 6 days a week but I don't see tne money and it makes sense now ad I know what he's been spending it on.
He has been in therapy working on himself and says it's been a year since he has looked at prostitutes online. He has a tracker on his phone so I know where he is. I never denied sex with him, we would have sex 4 times a week if not more, even shortly after giving birth. He has threatened suicide repeatedly since we split and emotionally blackmailing me into giving it another try as he claims he's changed. I do see a difference in him but I don't hold much faith it will be long term. I do love him but I'm disgusted in how he's treated me. He is pushing the blame onto me saying I never loved him and was always kicking him out but that is not true.
Would you walk away or give him some time to prove he's changed? He no longer hangs around with the friendship group he says were bad influences not that they are to blame for his choices. I know he took coke the night we split in December 2024 and I drugs tested him in February 2025 and he failed on coke when he came to collect the children. He said he hasn't done it since.