Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why on EARTH do men do this? Online dating.

92 replies

Winniebagelton · 09/06/2025 21:19

Separated from my husband 18 months ago after 16 years together. It was a very difficult time and I truly thought I’d never want to find love again.
However about a month ago, after a couple of glasses of wine a friend convinced me to try a dating site and I did! And more or less straight away I matched with someone I liked the look of. The conversation absolutely flowed and we soon took it off app, swapping numbers. Due to work, childcare and me being away for half term we were texting/voice noting for nearly 3 weeks before we met which I guess fostered a false sense of intimacy because I felt when we met that I already knew him quite well. First date was great, a walk and a coffee with a peck on the lips at the end. The second date was even better. We went to a pub and had drinks and chatted all night and had a proper kiss at the end. He was saying all the right things and frequently mentioning future things. The date was Sat night, he messaged me when he got home saying what a great night and that he’d message in the morning. Yesterday…. Crickets. So I messaged him asking how his day was… no reply. Then I looked again last night and realised he’d blocked me! This was on WhatsApp so I can now see that it hadn’t delivered and I can’t see his profile pic!
Obviously, it was a couple of dates. I’m not going to cry myself to sleep over it but I will admit it’s stung a little and I don’t know why I’m so bothered about it. I think it feels really cruel to just ghost and block someone without giving a reason and I guess I’m just feeling horribly rejected. Plus, all the weeks chatting away and really getting to know one another feel like such a bloody waste of time!
Why would a man do that? I know he could’ve just been after a shag and ditched when he didn’t get it but he totally didn’t give off that vibe so I’m annoyed I miss read the situation so badly. Is this just a part of the online dating world?! From speaking to a friend she says it happens quite a lot?

OP posts:
Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 16:25

Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 16:13

Interesting! You see I wouldn’t think like that, I actually saw it as a green flag when after the first message he gave his insta! Can you tell I’m new to all this.
Urgh I just hate all the rules and game playing. My husband and I broke up because we’d drifted so far away from each other and it was purely a friendship in the end. But essentially he’s a great guy and treated me so well that I’m finding venturing into a world of dick heads a tricky one!

Sorry after the first DATE he gave his insta! Even if see him giving it after the first message a red flag 😂

OP posts:
StripyShirt · 12/06/2025 16:44

I had a number of dates from OLD. A big mistake is to chat for too long before meeting; several meetings after good text rapport were an instant 'no' from one or both sides. Nothing wrong with that.

Top tips:

Meet fairly soon
Keep it light, safe, and fun. No evening stuff or alcohol, just coffee, galleries etc
Forget any ideas of romance until you think you know them.

Good luck!

Sodthesystem · 12/06/2025 17:17

StripyShirt · 12/06/2025 16:44

I had a number of dates from OLD. A big mistake is to chat for too long before meeting; several meetings after good text rapport were an instant 'no' from one or both sides. Nothing wrong with that.

Top tips:

Meet fairly soon
Keep it light, safe, and fun. No evening stuff or alcohol, just coffee, galleries etc
Forget any ideas of romance until you think you know them.

Good luck!

I'll add, keep the early dates short. Never do all day dates. They foster a sense of intimacy too fast too.

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 17:17

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 17:24

StripyShirt · 12/06/2025 16:44

I had a number of dates from OLD. A big mistake is to chat for too long before meeting; several meetings after good text rapport were an instant 'no' from one or both sides. Nothing wrong with that.

Top tips:

Meet fairly soon
Keep it light, safe, and fun. No evening stuff or alcohol, just coffee, galleries etc
Forget any ideas of romance until you think you know them.

Good luck!

In complete contrast to this, I hated coffee dates or ‘going for a walk’. I think they’re low effort. An ideal first date for me was an evening date at a nice bar. Nothing wrong with getting tipsy on a date either, it can make it more fun. Just make sure you can get home safely (uber, but don’t let him order it for you if you don’t want him to have your address).

When I was OLD, I didn’t find it as horrendous as the experiences I read about on here, and I had a lot of fun overall. However now that I’m dating someone exclusively (met IRL), the thought of OLD again fills me with dread. So I hope this one sticks.

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 17:43

My post got hidden? 🤯

Greenfields20 · 12/06/2025 17:44

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 17:43

My post got hidden? 🤯

What did it say?

Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 17:45

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 17:43

My post got hidden? 🤯

What did you say 😂

OP posts:
NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 18:00

Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 17:45

What did you say 😂

I explained Ghosting from a male perspective from my own past. I can't imagine it broke any rules of any kind. It wasn't having a pop at anyone, no swearing, no links. Weird. Ironically MN haven't told me why. I'm being ghosted over a post about ghosting. 🤦‍♂️

Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 18:20

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 18:00

I explained Ghosting from a male perspective from my own past. I can't imagine it broke any rules of any kind. It wasn't having a pop at anyone, no swearing, no links. Weird. Ironically MN haven't told me why. I'm being ghosted over a post about ghosting. 🤦‍♂️

How annoying, I’d have liked to hear that!

OP posts:
Greenfields20 · 12/06/2025 18:25

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 18:00

I explained Ghosting from a male perspective from my own past. I can't imagine it broke any rules of any kind. It wasn't having a pop at anyone, no swearing, no links. Weird. Ironically MN haven't told me why. I'm being ghosted over a post about ghosting. 🤦‍♂️

Try again but with a few words changed and see if it works

NCForThatForumM · 12/06/2025 18:27

Winniebagelton · 12/06/2025 18:20

How annoying, I’d have liked to hear that!

You didn't miss that much, it was a lot of words to say "Too chicken". Even so, it's a weird post to remove, I'd be staggered if it broke any posting rules.

FluffyTradeswoman · 13/06/2025 00:16

Especially with busy working lives and children, the people who are most active on apps tend to be odd or lacking in social skills or after an ego boost or attention or immediate sex.

Much higher chance of meeting someone weird unfortunately - a lot of the more OK people will either have met someone or not find them comfortable to use....

There's a lot of folk who don't look as good as their photos, or who come across badly in person, or who just want to collect attention from cool people as an ego boost.

I'd say the "great 1/2 date" people are like that....they like role-playing the perfect man/date, but they don't actually want to incorporate someone new into their schedule.

And a friendly attractive woman all dressed up and paying them full attention is a good night out.

I went on a good 1st meet with someone who clearly had no intention of meeting me for a second.

We'd agreed to a second meet after a nice dinner. No sex.

Popped up every so often on WhatsApp. Not sexting but nothing organised so WHY?!!!

Left him on "read" the last time he messaged 🤷🏾‍♀️. I wasn't putting my life on hold, but actually wish he'd blocked me or been more direct.

You have to take it a social fixed cost if things fizzle out after a few good dates.

I'd say after 1 month of being intensely active on the apps I generally meet someone I'm interested in enough or get fed up so come off them there's no way I can cope with them any longer!

Others prefer to pace themselves over a longer period of time.

StripyShirt · 13/06/2025 00:30

Crushed23 · 12/06/2025 17:24

In complete contrast to this, I hated coffee dates or ‘going for a walk’. I think they’re low effort. An ideal first date for me was an evening date at a nice bar. Nothing wrong with getting tipsy on a date either, it can make it more fun. Just make sure you can get home safely (uber, but don’t let him order it for you if you don’t want him to have your address).

When I was OLD, I didn’t find it as horrendous as the experiences I read about on here, and I had a lot of fun overall. However now that I’m dating someone exclusively (met IRL), the thought of OLD again fills me with dread. So I hope this one sticks.

Going to a good gallery or museum and having a stimulating conversation about the things seen and issues raised isn't low effort, and drinking with a stranger is risky, but each to their own 🙂

Swirlythingy2025 · 13/06/2025 02:27

i had similar from a friend, texting regular and asked if they ok with texts etc then blocked

Disturbia81 · 13/06/2025 19:26

StripyShirt · 13/06/2025 00:30

Going to a good gallery or museum and having a stimulating conversation about the things seen and issues raised isn't low effort, and drinking with a stranger is risky, but each to their own 🙂

Yeah it’s not low effort at all, it’s safer and less committed.

HooSaidThat · 14/06/2025 14:47

I'm not keen on people putting up their Instagram accounts on OLD profiles, I do wonder whether they use OLD as advertising for their Instagram profiles.

I have seen other people promote their latest single on Spotify through Tinder and others advertise their OnlyFans.

They don't seem interested in dating.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread