Partner in denial about his poor health caused by diet

[Eveninggin]

Just after some advice how to approach this with my partner as I don't want to push him away but am so worried for his health and our future. Sorry it's turned out a bit long but didn't want to drip feed.

Been with my partner 5 years, getting married in 2027, we are both mid 40s. We both want a long future together.
He's grown up on a childhood diet of beige sugary, fatty food and fizzy drinks. Was very overweight as a child and has since slimmed down a lot but still 18 stone now. Between leaving home and when I met him, he lived on the same ( he was previously married so not living as a typical single bloke eating convenience food, but they did live on convenience food). He doesnt eat fruit and veg if he has a choice but still just eats high calorie, high fat high sugar food and drink every day. We did a quick tally up once of a day's food and drink (which he said was a good day as he'd 'cut back'). He'd eaten no fruit and veg, had 3 cans of pop and overall the equivalent of 250g of sugar in 12 hours!!!!!

I can see him starting to get health issues and he's recently lost a few teeth due to the sugar and fizzy pop eroding his teeth. (I have finally got him to book a dentist appointment).

He says he enjoys his diet and it makes him happy and he's always eaten the same and been fine with his health. I've said it'll catch up with him now I to his later 40s.

I've tried to talk to him about healthy eating and he does eat what I cook him when he's with me and enjoys it (we dont live together yet for logistics reasons with work / kids schools) but he refuses to see there's a problem with his diet and the impact on his health.

I know he's an adult and it's up to him what he eats and how he looks after his body. I don't want to be a nag or controlling over his diet as it will push him away. But we have so many plans for the future we want to have together and I'm so worried he'll die young if he doesn't change. But he won't accept there's anything wrong with his diet. I just don't know what to do and I'm scared for my DP and our future.

Please don't tell me to leave him due to different outlook on health as everyone does on MN, he's an amazing kind wonderful man and the whole point of this is that I don't want to lose him either through poor health or by pushing him away.

For added context, my DC's dad died young at 49 due to bowel cancer from a very similar poor diet - so I've seen what can happen (My DP is aware of this fact but thinks he's different).

They are all super healthy now and look after their health. His sibling was very large as a child, now is super healthy. They occasionally have a nag at him too.
He said he still eats that food because it makes him happy (ive said which makes him more happy, the food or seeing the kids grow up and spending our future together. He said the latter. We've talked about how to swap in healthy alternative options the other day and he's open to that so it's a start eg cereal rather than danish pastries for breakfast)

Cereal is no healthier than a Danish pastry 😂

Unless it's meusli, which at least has a little fibre. Other than that, it's all carbs.

Eating a fair amount of sugar in itself shouldn't be the end of the world, though do you think he'd switch to diet pop

Sugar is addictive and really really bad, and artificial sweeteners also spike insulin levels.

@Eveninggin - check out The Blood Sugar Solution by Dr Mark Hyman, as well as Dr Becky Gillespie. Might he be prepared to read/watch some of these resources? dr Michael Mosley also has some very helpful books and talks. And then there’s Ultra-Processed People by Chris van Tulleken.

yes, I’m probably grasping at straws…

I know you said you didn’t want to hear advice on leaving him

please do go into this with your eyes open. You are planning to build a life with someone who damages their own health and wellbeing. It might be ok now but please consider what happens as he gets older. Wish I had

I don't think that's true.

This kind of attitude stops people from trying to make even small improvements to their diets. Most cereals at least contain some vitamins and fibre, whereas pastries do not.

Agree cereal is worse - loaded with sugar -

Agree - cereal is also worse because it’s shit in disguise. At least everyone knows a Danish is calorific and sugary etc etc. It’s hard to have multiple pastries in a sitting, but who has the “recommended serving size” of 35g of cereal? A Borrower, that’s who!

Does he know how to cook? I’m not suggesting you have to teach him before any jumps on me.
If he eats and likes the food you cook but doesn’t do it for himself, does he know how? Or does he think bung something in quick once he gets home from work?
Maybe get him cooking and better still batch cooking?

You might want to look into it. All cereals are UPFs that have had vitamins injected into them in an attempt to pass them off as "healthy".

Except muesli, as I said. But that is full of sugar too.

There might be some nutritional benefiit from the milk. But that's about it.

Spoken with true love and compassion. Yes, his diet might be bad but the most important thing is to make sure I'm aright.

Stay classy !

Not really, and says he can't be bothered at the end of a busy workday. I've tried to offer ideas of easy healthier options, eg chicken tray bake - super easy. But hes not keen when on his own. He cooks with me when he's here and I always cook healthy so try and teach him. He didn't even know how to cut veg when I met him (not because he left the cooking to others in his previous relationship, but they all ate beige all the time apparently). There's been a few times I've got him to fully cook a meal and decide on the meal himself and I've said it cannot be beige oven food as that makes me feel grim for hours when I eat it. He's done some of those simply cook meals - where you get the spices and add the rest. He did it well and enjoyed cooking it and eating it. He's brought round a few of those since to make of his own choice so I'm teaching him slowly to enjoy proper food! I think once he moves in with me I can convince him, but that's going to be a year or so yet and the damage is being done in the meantime.