First cousin marriage

[Sprinklewithsugar]

Trying to understand why this still happens in the UK between educated, intelligent people. Especially when the risks of genetic inbreeding are well known, not to mention the pressure it puts on the NHS.
Why do people opt to marry close cousins when there are surely other prospective spouses available?
Why do intelligent, educated people take part in such customs?
Genuinely curious.

Yes they are all in his home country. I think it would be blatantly obvious it’s me if I report it and just make things so much worse.
I would be tempted to report it to stop her entry into this country but I highly doubt it wouldn’t come out that’s it’s been reported. It’s a shame it couldn’t be kept anonymous and another reason given for denying entry.

In that case it’s either putting myself or someone else at risk.

It seems wrong almost like human trafficking to force someone to get married and ship them abroad but I’m not part of the same culture so what’s wrong to me is expected from her.

I feel so humiliated and powerless that I’m just forced to accept this and literally sit back and watch it happen. I feel like I’m having a complete breakdown and it all came completely out of the blue.

I'm so sorry @LiveLoveLaughQueef. I would start making plans to be apart. I will give him one thing, that he is being realistic about what is going to happen.

Having met dp at 51 and being very happy (my mum met the love of her life at 59) I don't think love has to be over for you. But clearly your p doesn't believe he can be with you.

How imminent is this wedding? When is she actually coming? Do you definitely not want children? If you actually do…. any chance you can try and get pregnant quickly?
If he won’t try, you have your answer.

In some cultures.

And Lincolnshire & The Fenlands !

@Supersimkin7 that hasn't been the case for a long time. And even if you go back centuries, first cousin marriage was still relatively rare, even amongst the aristocracy.

3rd cousins, IIRC. Which does make rather significant difference!

First cousins share about 12.5% of their genes. 3rd cousins share less than 1%…

Go back and look at my other posts

Single first cousin marriage is not really a problem, it is when, as someone up thread said, multiple generations marry cousins.

But it is not just cousin marriage, groups like the Amish who have a small gene pool are at risk.

Why do educated intelligent people do it? Well for some it is the norm. You might as well ask why some educated intelligent people are religious, scared of heights or enjoy hiking.

To answer your question, some have ended in divorce, some were miserable , some are very happy. The happiest and most well suited couple I have ever met (I mean EVER) are now elderly, had an arranged marriage but still very much in love. It’s a joy to watch them, but they are intellectually very well matched and they share an amazing sense of humour, they were very lucky. I can’t think of anyone in my family of my generation who has had an arranged marriage (I’m in my 40’s) but on DH’s side they have worked well but thats because the couples would have been introduced to many people and chose each other and basically did a short stint of “dating” before they got engaged.

Most people just rub along and focus on their kids.

I do think cross cultural marriages don’t work as well, the ones I know where one spouse is basically from a western culture and the other isn’t are a lot more rocky.

I would also suggest she probably very much does want to leave her family and move to the UK. She will be anticipating more freedom away from her family’s eyes but I feel very sorry for her, she will have no idea he’s in love with someone else. I was talking to a mum I know who had an arranged marriage (Egyptian not asian) and she had high hopes for romance, to fall in love etc when she got married. It’s always sold as “the love will come later”. She was very disappointed tbh, she’s an amazing person and I felt awful for her, she’d never dated etc so she was hoping very much to have that experience with her husband. Your partners wife will probably be the same.

Bit late at that point, unfortunately…

It's grim and incesty. Families that can look so close to home for sexual partners probably have higher rates of other incestuous behaviours as their boundaries are paper thin. The shared grandparents, uncles, aunts. I know it's a mechanism to keep wealth in a family, but the price is way to high.

There was a thing in a Matthew Syed article I read that suggested that there were higher rates of incestuous births as in the father or brother being the childs dad in Pakistani communities.

https://pakistanlink.org/Opinion/2024/Dec24/20/06.HTM

Theres a copy of the article here (the original is behind a paywell). I can’t vouch for the website it’s been replicated on so apologies if it’s awful.

I honestly think cousin marriage should be banned because I believe it’s harmful to women and children. It’s as simple as that for me.

Out of curiosity does anyone know what happens if someone turns up and is pregnant by their sibling?

I can’t imagine many people would admit it, I imagine if they did there would be a lot of genetic testing offered.

@User37482 Thanks for the article. I have previously steered a rape crisis service, and in assessing internal data noted that interfamilial sexual abuse was disproportionately high in a particular community of the city we were based.

This data was neutralised by merging ethnicities to reduce what was blazingly obvious to me.

Consanguinuity is a lot better than likening certain groups to cattle.

Yeah, let's hide the horror behind a bit of Latin and french, that'll tidy up the grotty-ness.

Not outside minority groups. The OP is tiptoeing round the matter, not saying outright who she means. Where I am gypsies do it all the time. Outside this minority I have only met one set of married first cousins, the parents of a friend of mine, at it was a one off, there were no others in their family, and their offspring was perfectly healthy.

No they weren't...as has already been repeated several times! Do some basic reading.

Not true, my friends parents are first cousins and married for donkey´s years in the Catholic Church.

I have a few guesses (but not based on experiences from the UK. I do however practice family law in an other European country).

I would expect doctors to try to inform their patient of the potential risks and inform them about their options (abortion, adoption etc).

doctors are (where I’m at) required to report certain crimes and allowed to report certain crimes / categories of crime.

Reporting Consanguinity would be allowed but not required. So the doctor would have to make a judgement call. Report this and risk the patient-doctor relationship, potentially keep the expecting mother from informing other providers and accessing medical care?
Or try to support the mother without bringing this to the attention of law enforcement? I suspect that many doctors would choose the second option.

If the doctor suspects grievous risks to the wellbeing of the child (once born) or to the mother (and has cause to believe that the mother wouldn’t be capable of taking reasonable steps to protect herself) the doctor would (if the case is textbook, which I somehow doubt) inform the local social service branch / protection for children and vulnerable adults.

No need to be rude - I've already corrected that old post from yesterday.

@LiveLoveLaughQueef - you stated in an earlier post that your partner is autistic and definitely doesn’t want children.

Perhaps you could suggest that he quietly has a vasectomy. It’s a very quick procedure and his family don’t need to know.

I don’t know if the new bride back in his home country will be allowed residency in the UK unless she has a sufficient proficiency of the English language? You might want to check on that.

Shit situation though,