Page 6 | First cousin marriage

Ifpicklesweretickles · 08/06/2025 22:23

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/06/2025 22:21

Yes I see.

Fairly sure you, as a third party, can report this to prevent it happening. https://www.gov.uk/stop-forced-marriage

Show quote history

The woman's (bride's) family is abroad and probably some of his if not all. Also he's 40. They can do absolutely nothing for fear of one or some of his being attacked, possibly abroad, most likely a female.

Bannedontherun · 08/06/2025 22:26

@LiveLoveLaughQueef hi despite it not being you in the forced marraige it is still something that you and your partner can (and IMO) must seek help about.

I know that it will involve alienating him from his family, and that there is potential danger.

Getting married out of fear for oneself or another family member is a forced marriage which is unlawful.

you can phone the forced marriage unit for help as an associated person and you can phone the agency, karma nivarna.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/06/2025 22:28

Ifpicklesweretickles · 08/06/2025 22:23

The woman's (bride's) family is abroad and probably some of his if not all. Also he's 40. They can do absolutely nothing for fear of one or some of his being attacked, possibly abroad, most likely a female.

Edited

Show quote history

Are they being married over there or over here?

ChocolateGanache · 08/06/2025 22:31

The only people I actually know personally, who I know to be first cousins and married are very posh, upper class white English people. Their child is now a grown up and seems fine to me.

Oh and of course the royal family!

I think of my first cousins as similar to siblings and would NEVER marry any of them! The thought is just disturbing.

Ifpicklesweretickles · 08/06/2025 22:32

Supersimkin7 · 08/06/2025 21:56

I’m sick of people saying it’s a Pakistan thing, cousin marriage is a practice beloved by every aristocracy in every skin colour you can think of, indeed everywhere there’s money on the table.

It’s not a good idea anywhere. We know this.

I can’t see how it’s remotely ethical to have children you know you might gift disabilities to as a result of your life choices, but that’s another question.

It’s legal, along with similar such as alcoholics having children with fetal alcohol syndrome.

No one’s baying for the drunks’ blood, one notes. Maybe they should be.

Most of us aren't key members of the royal family living hundreds of years ago, so would it be fair to say we don't practice this now, if there ever was anyone marrying that close (taking your word for it) as a generalisation? Or is it inaccurate in your view?

Bannedontherun · 08/06/2025 22:37

@LiveLoveLaughQueef It is a common tactic to threaten the life of a third party, as in this and human trafficking.

You could call the forced marriage unit yourself, as far as i am aware they can block the potential wife’s entry in to the country.

i strongly advise that you call anonymously at first see how it goes.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/06/2025 22:37

Sprinklewithsugar · 08/06/2025 18:01

Trying to understand why this still happens in the UK between educated, intelligent people. Especially when the risks of genetic inbreeding are well known, not to mention the pressure it puts on the NHS.
Why do people opt to marry close cousins when there are surely other prospective spouses available?
Why do intelligent, educated people take part in such customs?
Genuinely curious.

I don't think it does happen that much with educated intelligent people?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/06/2025 22:39

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 08/06/2025 19:37

And it is hard to write legislation which would allow something a bit, but not too much of it

Banning first cousin marriages is the only way you can legislate for this and it seems a small price to avoid the cascade of pain and suffering when inbreeding is endemic.

Would you also reclassify incest so that sex is illegal? Or just marriages ? So I married cousins could have babies?

DeborahVancesBeehive · 08/06/2025 22:42

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 08/06/2025 21:36

It's common in cultures where daughters are supposed to have a dowry. If you marry your daughter to your siblings son, the money stays within the wider family.

The daughters rarely have a say in this.

I used to work in an area with a high number of people from Pakistan. The level of first cousin marriage was very high. There was a good BBC documentary about this a few years ago.

Show quote history

In Redbridge, East London, 1 in 5 children who died between 2008-16 did so because they were the offspring of cosanguinous marriage. It's absolutely horrifying. I believe there are strenuous efforts to educate the Asian communities, where it mostly happens, but I don't think uptake is great.

INeverSeeYou · 08/06/2025 22:53

DifficultEggs · 08/06/2025 20:04

This again? Mn seems weirdly obsessed with it. Having children with your first cousin when neither of you come from a line of previous cousin marriages involves a tiny increased risk, the same as if a woman has a child when she’s over 35.

It’s when there is endogamy within a small social group and hence a small genepool that more significant problems arise.

If that stat is correct, that explains it to me. You might know of a cousin marriage with healthy offspring so think it's ok.

Years ago I briefly met an older couple who were first cousins and I recall they were doctors. So they would have been aware of the risks.

I didn't know the risk with repeated cousin marriages so I suspect it's an issue of education.

The instinct to ban is natural, but if that means the practice will go underground, there needs to be a better way to protect children.

User37482 · 08/06/2025 22:54

LiveLoveLaughQueef · 08/06/2025 21:59

It’s complicated but I’m not the woman being married off, It’s my long term partner of 11 years being forced into marriage. He is absolutely desperate to get out of it but he genuinely believes the woman’s family will commit violence against his own family if he goes against it.

This was on the cards for years with an expected marriage between the families, he got to 40 and suddenly was told papers had been signed and it was going ahead. He doesn’t know the woman properly but she’s younger and he’s been told that after marriage there needs to be kids. My partner is autistic and won’t cope with having kids, he struggles with a cat.

I feel for this woman terribly, she’s going to be brought to this country away from everything she knows and doesn’t speak the language. I know she’s also too scared to go against it. It does seem she’s not quite as against it as DP but I have no idea if that’s down to fear, I’ve been kept in the dark a lot.

It’s a mess and I’m on the outside unable to do a single thing but it’s my life that’s going to change as well. It’s hurtful that I’m classed as absolutely nothing, like a piece of rubbish to be tossed aside.
After 11 years, a home together and a very happy relationship where we were more than happy with our decision not to have kids its utterly heartbreaking it meant nothing.

Both me and DP are ND, it’s been us against the world and we are a huge support to each other, if this goes ahead it’s going to cause chaos and devastation to multiple lives in the name of a religion that 2 out of the 3 don’t follow.

I have been trying to cope for weeks but I’m struggling now, I can’t tell anyone as it’s so humiliating. My DP wants to stay in the same place to be near me but it means everyone in my small town will find out and I’m so humiliated and I’ll be a joke. How can I ever explain?

Show quote history

I’m really sorry, I don’t have much experience of this (some arranged marriages in my family but no forced ones like this, and tbh arranged started dying a death in my mums generation). The best advice I can give you (and I have heard of partners being dumped for the “right” religion etc, not in my family, people just marry whoever they want thank fuck but I’ve met many a white woman who was dumped for a girl with the “right” background) is to start from the basis that the relationship is over.

None of this is your fault but absolutely do not live a half life because of your partners circumstances. For your own sanity you need to start writing this off. I don’t say this to be cruel but he’s going to get married and you will be his little escape. His life will move on while you wait for him. Don’t do it to yourself. Just don’t.

Stressmode · 08/06/2025 23:04

It used to be common practice until the Industrial Revolution. It is said that the invention of the bicycle saved the gene pools of many Wiltshire villages….

MeTooOverHere · 08/06/2025 23:10

Sprinklewithsugar · 08/06/2025 18:01

Trying to understand why this still happens in the UK between educated, intelligent people. Especially when the risks of genetic inbreeding are well known, not to mention the pressure it puts on the NHS.
Why do people opt to marry close cousins when there are surely other prospective spouses available?
Why do intelligent, educated people take part in such customs?
Genuinely curious.

A single one-off cousin marriage doesn't cause problems. Repeated ongoing cousin marriages generation after generation can, because deleterious alleles get locked in.
It has little to do with being raised together or being/not being educated or even being wealthy. I know of one daughter of a well off family in Australia who went to the UK to meet some of her family for the first time, fell in love with 1 of the cousins and married one of them. Been together decades now.
If you have a specific example, put it up for discussion.

SquashedMallow · 08/06/2025 23:16

It's usually to keep wealth within the same family within certain cultures.

I don't really think you'll stop that. Although from what I hear from colleagues that originate from some of the cultures that practice this, it seems to be now less common.

I don't believe breeding as it were with cousins is that genetically risky. I'm willing to be corrected on that.

OneFineDay13 · 08/06/2025 23:20

Gall10 · 08/06/2025 20:00

First cousin parents have around a 6% rate of genetic problems in their children compared to around 3% in non-related couples.
The major cause of first cousins having children is when they come from parents who were also cousins…and their parents were cousins…and so on and so on and so on.
There have been major studies in this in the Bradford area where first cousin marriages are more common.

I watched a documentary on it filmed there it was shocking . Should definitely be a law to stop it

HonoriaBulstrode · 08/06/2025 23:59

Should definitely be a law to stop it

How would you prevent people from going abroad to get married somewhere it isn't illegal?

WalkingaroundJardine · 09/06/2025 00:17

CantStopMoving · 08/06/2025 21:50

Well then surely being banned from marrying your sibling impinges on personal rights. Are you suggesting that should be legalised? They are pretty close to being the same thing.

Edited

Show quote history

It’s never been legal in the UK or most countries of the world to marry your sibling. Having said that, in the Bible half siblings married each other (Abraham and Sarah) without any condemnation!

Until comparatively recently it was common in most parts of the world to marry a cousin of some kind, as we used to live in close knit tribes or family groups with little interaction with outsiders. Marrying someone outside of your local community is a more modern development worldwide speaking.

Are geneticists now recommending a ban in light of new scientific information? That’s a good starting point. I don’t think a 6% rate of genetic defects vs 3% for the general population is that massive and cousin marriages are only 3% of all UK marriages. And cousin marriages are declining anyway, so why the fuss and a big long thread about it? Why not just put more scientific information out there and let them keep declining?

caringcarer · 09/06/2025 00:24

When I had my second DC the lady in the next bed to me had married her first cousin and they had the same grandparents. She proudly told me her Aunty was now her MiL. The baby they had only had a tiny head and the consultant spoke with her and told her it was likely due to her close genetic relationship with her husband and said baby would be sent for genetic testing. This lady had another DC who had SEN too. If first cousins marry through many generations it has a very detrimental effect on general pool and outcome for their babies. They are warned of this yet still choose to have DC and marry their cousins. There should be a law against first cousins marrying in UK.

Boreded · 09/06/2025 00:30

Bannedontherun · 08/06/2025 20:35

The queen and Philip were first cousins.

Show quote history

Might already have been said, but no they weren’t. His dad and her grandad were first cousins, that makes them second cousins once removed. Not even close to being first cousins

Midsummernightsdreaming · 09/06/2025 00:34

Any other teachers on here had the “pleasure” of teaching the children of first cousins? Not an experience you quickly or easily forget.

Hagr1d · 09/06/2025 00:35

yourefreetodowhatyouwanttodo · 08/06/2025 19:11

I think it’s more to do with culture, religion and these people choosing religion and not wanting people to judge/ feel ashamed by what other people think

there doesn’t seem to be much care, maternal instinct for the possible high risk.

again, religion is chosen above all.

I may get slammed, but it appears to be a religion where people use it as and excuse to do wrong, and have control

sorry to say.

Do you realise that culture and religion are two different things?

Which religion mandates that you must marry your first cousin?

LiveLoveLaughQueef · 09/06/2025 03:21

Bannedontherun · 08/06/2025 22:37

@LiveLoveLaughQueef It is a common tactic to threaten the life of a third party, as in this and human trafficking.

You could call the forced marriage unit yourself, as far as i am aware they can block the potential wife’s entry in to the country.

i strongly advise that you call anonymously at first see how it goes.

Thank you, I actually wasn’t aware of this but surely it would be obvious it was me? All his and her family are in his home country but he said now it’s done there is no going back.
I’m terrified of the repercussions if I interfere.

I’ve asked a few more questions tonight and the woman seems to be ok about it, I’m guessing she’s just relieved it might have been someone worse chosen for her.

I don’t know what to do, as you can imagine it’s absolutely devastated me and like a grenade has been thrown into our lives.

My DP has British citizenship so seems to think if he gets married then it’ll be easy enough for her to come to this country. He said they could just live separate lives once she’s here but I know the pressure will be for kids next.

I am not racist in any way, shape or form but it’s very hard right now not to be angry about a culture where women can just be given away without their consent, men can marry literal children and it seems all this time his family have seen me as completely irrelevant because I’m not from the same culture. My DP isn’t religious at all and turned his back on the Muslim religion a long time ago, it’s a different matter when it comes to family though.

MeTooOverHere · 09/06/2025 03:38

The Queen and Prince Philip were second cousins once removed through Christian IX of Denmark and ALSO third cousins as they were both the great-great-grandchildren of Queen Victoria.

LiveLoveLaughQueef · 09/06/2025 03:44

User37482 · 08/06/2025 22:54

I’m really sorry, I don’t have much experience of this (some arranged marriages in my family but no forced ones like this, and tbh arranged started dying a death in my mums generation). The best advice I can give you (and I have heard of partners being dumped for the “right” religion etc, not in my family, people just marry whoever they want thank fuck but I’ve met many a white woman who was dumped for a girl with the “right” background) is to start from the basis that the relationship is over.

None of this is your fault but absolutely do not live a half life because of your partners circumstances. For your own sanity you need to start writing this off. I don’t say this to be cruel but he’s going to get married and you will be his little escape. His life will move on while you wait for him. Don’t do it to yourself. Just don’t.

Show quote history

Thank you, I think this is something I’m just facing up to.

I believed he was going to go against it but I can’t see it happening anymore, I posted earlier tonight and that spurred me on to ask him more questions.
He has basically said it’s now done and it’s not going to be possible to change it.

I know he loves me I’ve not doubted that for a second and what you have written is absolutely the last thing I wanted to hear but unfortunately it’s what I needed to hear because you are spot on.

He said that he will get married and she can move here but we can carry on in a relationship.
I know full well that I would be just a sideline to his actual life and he’ll likely have kids and settle down. It’s sad because it’s duty not love but he has gone alone with this to a degree and it would be crazy for me to just sit and wait around for any scraps he can give me.

I wasn’t going to post about it but I’m glad I did. I just don’t know how to cope now because I’m so angry and heartbroken and feel so worthless. I will also have the humiliation of everyone knowing I’ve just been cast aside in the worst possible way. He said it would have been different if we’d had children and that would have forced his family to accept me, for 11 years though we both agreed it’s not what we wanted.

Have all the arranged marriages in your family lasted? Were they happy? They obviously consented to it but what happens if it doesn’t work?

I can’t even ask questions because my partner just breaks done crying, I’ve had a few questions answered tonight but then he just keeps saying it’s done and he can’t change it.

I’m 41 and have wasted so many years on him. As he’s a man he’ll move on with his life, have his family and kids and I’m just being realistic but my best years have gone. It will be very hard for me to meet anyone else and find someone I love this much again. I think men find it a lot easier to just settle in a relationship as well and I can’t imagine meeting someone else when I’ve been so happy and thought we were settled together.

BooneyBeautiful · 09/06/2025 03:51

kittenkipping · 08/06/2025 19:37

Perhaps I am sheltered but I’ve never met any married cousins to my knowledge. Is it common place?

I knew a married couple who were cousins (white British). They had two DSs who, to my knowledge, are healthy (in their early sixties now), apart from both having trouble with their ears, which may or not be genetic. This was a single generation though, so not something that had happened in previous generations.