Work wife

[Cheshirecatz]

My husband has been working with a younger colleague for about 18 months or so. At first I didn't even know she existed, until she called him when we were in the car taking the children on a day out. He forwarded her call to voicemail. He then said 'oh its just so and so my boss'. I didn't know anything about so and so! I didn't even know his old boss had left.

Anyway it turns out she's about 15 years younger than us. Is single, attractive and they have great 'banter'. Apparently she's known as his work wife.

Without sounding biased, my husband is what I class as attractive, he gets female attention on nights out, works out etc. I however used to be a bit of alright too, but two kids later and perimenopause hasn't left me as desirable. I suppose I'm feeling threatened.

My senses are tingling, but I have no proof that anything has happened, and it might not have..... But I can't shake this feeling of insecurity and how to manage things going forward.

Any advice please?💗

I know! Ladies do get a cut and blow and get your nails done or else your dh may lie to you and have a potentially inappropriate relationship at work.

Here's a better idea, men pull your weight at home and stop sniffing round women at work.

Agreed, even cheryl cole did.

Exactly..!

@Cheshirecatz I don’t think a haircut and facial will save your marriage. He maybe too far gone and I think he is. However a haircut and facial will do wonders for how you are feeling right now. It’s shit being a woman as we are expected to sacrifice so much however also get the pressure or feeling we’ve let ourselves go. While you work out what the hell is going on, keep your H busy, go to gym on a Saturday morning for yourself! We’ve all been there when having little kids, workings ect but we expect some loyalty. Don’t listen to the negativity!

BrilliantBriony
You’re not too clever with words , so infact you’re not very brilliant at all ..
You sound like a bitch actually..
Be kind ….
Zero need there of that speech to OP , infact Shame on you ..
You weren’t being cruel to be kind , you were just being cruel ..

Brilliant Briony could be work wife.

Exactly what i thought 🧐 🤭🤣

Thoughts are with you @Cheshirecatz I hope you can navigate this. Keep strong.💐

Tbh my ex cheated on me when I was at my absolute prime, no kids, I was in shape and was what my older daughter said was a solid 9. There’s simply no excuse for cheating and I am really suprised how women like to kick other women down with blame shifting. I’d rather be smart, funny, caring and a wonderful mother and person than a solid 9 btw ( which I’ve been told I am not anymore lol again by my older dd).

Thank you so much.

I'm going to bide my time, and see what happens. Definitely on my guard though, more than ever. And that talk needs to happen. I'm not sure when though?

I've shown my sister this thread, and we've both been blown away by the support and advice I've been given. It means so much. She had a gut feeling something was off, and she was right.

Thank you all ladies 🌸💗 Well nearly all🙄🤣

You are really lucky you have support in real life, it will keep you strong ❤️

I think it's more of a reflection of the woman doing the kicking down than us to be fair. Maybe they should look in the mirror themselves?

There's never an excuse you're right 💗

Daughters are always hypercritical lol 🙄

Thank you. I feel like I am. I knew I was, but today has really backed that up.

I'm looking at you sis 🥸💗

But I'm really grateful to all you ladies too. I've felt like I've had a village behind me today, and to be honest it's been such a wonderful support. So thank you all.

Good luck OP 💕

The only thing I will say about waiting is it does leave it to come what may without taking any control of the situation. I always think it is best to just be up front and say it makes you uncomfortable and if others are calling her his work wife it looks bad for his professional image. He should be told. I know the MN way is to wait and lurk in the shadows trying to catch them stepping out, but that is not always the best way. Honesty is best with your partner. I see this allot and often the partner is shocked and says they had no idea it bugged them because they let it fester instead of speaking up. That seed of doubt spreads and plants in your mind and often makes little things worse and starts to poison your marriage. It is another perspective but if you trust your husband overall and want your marriage to work and be open and honest then why not just have a chat with him.

You need a private detective. Job done.

A lot of similarities with what I went thru
Found out husband has been having a full on 5 year affair with work colleague
In all that time, Her name was only ever mentioned once, shortly after she started working there.
They had adjoining desks and their roles involved working very closely together, yet he never mentioned her name !!!
I too found out when she tried to Face Time him while he was in the car with our daughter. He declined the call.
Did you check phone for “hidden” or archived messages and photos?

How are things going now, @Cheshirecatz?

Hopes things are going better

I know it’s a few months since this thread started but it popped up again today, I’m wondering if it all settled down or if you actually hired a private detective?

Asking for a friend 😁

I would nip that in the bud right away. Work wife is fine for single people but for married people it is an affront

How are things OP? Hope you're okay.

I have been in your position twice.

The first time my suspicions were proved right unfortunately and my DH wad having an affair. Several years passed and he also suddenly had a work wife. Lots of online chats, him picking her up on his way to a meeting, texts deleted etc. I thought here we go again but I was wrong on this occasion. Someone else told me she was into him and a another guy in the office.

If I found myself in that position again here is what I would do:

• act deliberately vague-don’t let him know u suspect
• gather as much information as you can about her and their ‘friendship’
• get your finances sorted (check his accounts if separate). See if he has changed anything recently.
• look after yourself: treat yourself, if u need to loose weight then do-you will feel a lot better about yourself
• Make an appointment with your GP and get some counselling for yourself

Good luck-from what you have said, I don’t blame you having your suspicions.💐