Where do they get the audacity!?

[Zucker]

There's a group of threads on here recently and my God the audacity of these men treating their partners like this. What's going on? I know we only read on here the awful men and people tend not to post when times are good but I can't get over the general lack of respect.

1.Husband wanted a break, slept with coworker, now wants to fix things...

2.Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

3.DH Affair. How do I cope with family holiday?

4.Husband left at New Years and just turned up like nothing happened

5.Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

Male privilege
upbringing
entitlement
pattern of being indulged by women eg mum, girlfriend ,wife
…All reinforcing sense of entitlement and fuckery

Oh look a thread about ALL the threads, that will go down well.

I blame the parents

I know

And it can't all be trolls, let's face it

It's just so depressing.

Jesus I didn't realise I was doing an ultimate TAAT, forgive me mumsnet for I have sinned......

You have missed the absolute gem in this, the thread where the OP's unemployed partner is carrying out a long distance affair with a woman he met online, all the while living in the Op's house without contributing

You should really look for it, it beggared belief

I am more inclined to think that the problem lies with the women who will put up with ANYTHING to stay in a relationship

I understand breaking up a family unit its hard when you have kids, but honestly.

I agree - I think women generally putting up with and indulging crap men makes them feel they can get away with anything and it doesn't matter.

ETA: and I count myself in this, I did exactly that for a long while before I finally acted

I know one woman who's 29 yr old son lives at home rent free and he still borrows money for drugs every month from the bank of mum and dad!
They went on a family holiday recently and paid for everything for him.
The dad is sick of it and wants to boot him out to fend for himself but mummy dearest won't allow it.
Can you imagine what kind of boyfriend this man would make? Almost 30 years old and mum still does everything for him, if this doesn't breed entitlement into men I don't know what does.

I know a few relationships where the wife/gf is literally a surrogate mum. It’s no wonder he buggers off and does the dirty as the roles are just bloody weird. We are supposed to be equals, grow together but so many women seem happy to play a submissive support role. Allowing these men to get away with all sorts. We aren’t mummy!

I agree…. Being alone is hard and so women enable shit men toddlers to keep the relationship going. I had a relationship like this. I enabled for a while. As soon as I put up a boundary, when he went to far with shit toddler behaviour, he had an affair and left the family. His new women has just stepped into my shoes enabling him… she is like his personal assistant slave…. It’s insane watching it from the outside… she spends all her time making his life easier…it makes me feel angry, at her and me that we have so little self respect. As for the men… well if there was a man out there at the moment who was going to be lovely to me, be my PA and make my life better well I would probably jump at the chance….so I see the appeal .

I am more inclined to think that the problem lies with the women who will put up with ANYTHING to stay in a relationship

Yes. Crap people exist.

We don't have to live with them, marry them, or procreate with them though.

The problem is that as much as 'society' (made of both men and women) raises boys to he men like this, the same society raises girls to be women who accept it.

The difference is that men are expected to ignore and rise above their socialisation, to treat their partners better and to realise what they should be doing and to know what is 'right' but some people use the same argument of socialisation to absolve women of any responsibility at all when choosing a partner.

Either we're all victims of our socialisation and know no other way of being or we can all rise above it and take responsibility for our own choices.

I’m in my second serious relationship. The first I was a door mat, he treated me terribly but my MIL loved me. This time I’ve got boundaries and I don’t dote, he treats me well but his MIL doesn’t like me. MIL’s seem to want a women for their boy who will put him before herself. I’ve not been met well with my outlook, it’s hard to be a strong women with boundaries.

I agree with this. Men are definitely shit…but there’s nothing in the ‘rule book’ that says women have to put up with their utterly shit behaviour.

I have a ‘one strike and they’re out’ rule (it’s not ‘one chance’ and then let them prove themselves either, I literally just dump their shitty arse at the first sign of shitty behaviour!)

Unsurprisingly, I’m single 🤣💪 But rather this than be with an arsewipe of a man!

Yep.

And some women need to realise that if you're 'talking' to someone, 'seeing' or dating someone and you feel the need to start a thread on MN about them, don't. Just dump them.

Some women think being single is worse than putting up with shit men, so shit men get away with this kind of behaviour.

Quite.

A thread about men behaving terribly and not taking responsibility and it’s women’s fault??
Right.

I am a long term single parent and am single. It’s hard work and ultimately quite lonely. I don’t blame women who got into relationships with men expecting the men to be decent human beings for continuing to hope and expect that said men will actually be decent human beings. The men no doubt had and continue to have some decent qualities that attracted them in the first place and once children are involved, you are socially expected to try and make it work, and of course there are financial issues. But basically a husband having an affair is not the woman’s fault. A husband behaving like a prat on holiday is not the woman’s fault. A husband disappearing for several months and then turning up again is not the woman’s fault.

A couple of the ones I know got together in their late teens so don’t know any better and have literally been trained to be submissive.

Yes!! Absolutely this!
No-one should be “doubting themselves” or whatever, just dump them and move on.

appreciate it’s different if you’ve had xxx years happily together and something happens out of the blue, but if you’re not living together/don’t have kids etc, then save yourself the heartache and run a mile!!!

Do they have friends who can talk to them about how they deserve better?

Most people (including men) put up with shltty behaviour from others because they don’t value / respect themselves enough. Women typically have more issues with low confidence and low self-esteem, and societal expectations feed these (God only knows my father spent enough of my youth telling me how whenever I did anything he thought rude/ bad etc no man would ever want to marry me).

For me, it took a lot of building self-confidence and a few harsh life lessons including a shitty marriage before I got to a point where I had zero tolerance for any shitty behaviour.

I try and encourage my daughters to have absolutely zero tolerance from the outset, and to think of themselves as worthy, and to be very clear about what they want from someone and who won’t suit them.

It just beggars belief how many posts are blaming women for men’s poor behaviour! Talk about internalised misogyny and victim blaming!

How about it’s just men taking advantage when they see it.

No. One of them is in the family but she is kept away from members of the family like myself. One of them kind of likes the role as she doesn’t want to work so it happy (not sure that’s the right word) to take up all the flack. I think codependency comes into play a little.

I feel sorry for your family member (and you for being kept away, that's awful) Hopefully, she gets out eventually.