MIL cannot help being rude to me!

[ThisAmberShark]

Hi,

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with a MIL who makes a point of commenting on my body every time that I see her?

It's bad enough that she buys me clothes and says 'oh this will be too big on you' about something that is actually too small.

I have asked her politely to stop commenting on my body and/or buying me clothes, even before I had my DD, and it's driving me round the bend!

I'm half tempted to be petty and buy her something 2 sizes too small for her next birthday, and see how she likes it!

wheres your partner in all this? Ask thrm to speak to their mum and tell them to stop. Otherwise i would stop visiting mil if i were you

She can “help” it. She is being deliberately rude. Tell her to stop it or go no contact. Your partner better be backing you up on this one.

You're talking about a fully grown, capable, adult woman. Of course she can help it. She's actively choosing to behave this way.

Dealing with your MIL isn't your job. It's your husbands job to set clear boundaries towards his mother. If his mother can't behave like a decent human being, she has no job being around you or his children.

Don't stoop to her level. Don't continue being polite. Don't avoid confrontation. Having you and her grandchildren in her life is a privilege, one that can be taken away if she continues to act this way.

I know its not funny but it kind of is. Absolutely do the same back plus more. I would have so much fun with this 🤣🤣

Thanks for the replies! Any time my hubby speaks to her about how she acts towards me (this is literally just the tip of the iceberg) she says I'm "sensitive" and tries to turn everything into her victim complex.

It's exhausting, and I take some comfort in knowing she's like this to everyone! Next time I get given clothes, I'm asking my FIL to return for me 😂

“Did you mean to be so rude?” Every time until she gets bored

Don’t be childish, there’s nothing fun about this.

You need to address this directly or she will be doing this to your DD too. Please don't buy me clothes (on repeat); when she does, ask if she's got the receipt so you can take it back; call her every time she mentions your body -- or anyone else's. "You don't need to comment on other people's bodies" on repeat. My mother is like this and I have two DD. She will open her mouth (especially at mealtimes) about what a DD is eating and (because I know her) I can get in with "Please don't comment on what anyone is or isn't eating, because it's rude." (Also "please don't comment on my / her / their bodies, because your opinion is not welcome on this topic").

She can help it.

If she really can't, maybe she needs a medical evaluation for dementia.

Remind her you've asked her not to body shame multiple times, it's rude to comment on people's bodies, has she forgotten, then show concern that she seems to be forgetting things an awful lot and has lost her "filter" and she needs to make a doctor's appointment to have that checked.

@ThisAmberShark

Everytime "she says I'm "sensitive" your husband needs to re-iterate to her,

No Mum, you are being rude, stop!

I'd ask her again not to buy me clothes, as she doesn't know my taste or size.

Be polite but let her have the inconvenience. "Thank you for thinking of me. but this won't fit me as I'm a size 12 rather than a size 8. Could you swap it for the right size?"

If she is just Making A Point she won't bother to do this.

I would just not respond to the comments. If she pushes for a response, say "I have asked you not to discuss my body or clothing".

Oh I like this idea!

Bad news, she thinks she's being clever by buying clothes to "put away" as a get around for my request for no clothes.

Kind of hope she's on Mumsnet, sees this, and feels bad!

I'm not childish.

You can and should have nothing more to do with her. Her son i.e your H, can continue to see her if he wants to but that does not mean that you or your child have to do so. She could certainly wreck havoc upon your DD re body image. Ideally your H should not be seeing her either.

You would not tolerate this behaviour of hers from a friend so stop with at all tolerating it from his mother. Women like this cannot do relationships at all and I would assume here the FIL is her enabler and a bystander to you being mistreated.

Read Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward.

Such types are incapable of feeling bad Amber Shark. The only way to deal with someone like this is by not seeing her at all going forward. NC is precisely that, no contact. Drop the rope she holds out to you and get rid of any clothes she palms off onto you.

If she is too difficult or toxic for YOU to deal with its the SAME deal for your child also. It will do your child no good for she to keep on seeing her parents here being so disrespected by her nan.

I might use her “sensitive” excuse against her and say to her face something along the lines of “Why do you do this every time? You know I’m sensitive about this, you’ve told DH you know. It’s just so horrible of you.”

How about next time you open a gift of clothes from her, you respond by saying something along the lines of “this is quite old fashioned/ not my taste. Please can you return it?”, instead of mentioning size. If she doesn’t return it then just take it straight to the charity shop and don’t give it another moment’s thought. If she wants to waste her money on spite gifts, that’s up to her!

No law says you have to see her.. Going nc is very liberating ime. Tell dh why too.

Play her at her own game that's what I would do 👹

You'll be called sensitive again and she might dig deeper.

For gods sake, it’s just a bit of humour. I’d much rather know someone like the previous poster than someone uptight who can’t have a laugh.

Spot on 😁😁🤣🤣