Feeling stuck- Unsure About My relationship and Burned Out from Life.

[angelpa]

I’m in a fairly new relationship. We knew each other online for years but only met in person a few months ago. After some on-and-off periods, he moved in with me and my daughter. He left his family to do that — they’ve cut him off for it — so I know that means something. But I keep having thoughts like, “Should he really live here?” and “Am I better off alone so I can focus on myself and my child?”

I love him, but I’m also constantly overwhelmed.

Right now:

My daughter is out of school due to special needs and issues with her school’s safeguarding

I’m mentally and physically burned out, trying to hold everything together

I feel like I never get proper alone time or space to reset

I’m often irritated around him for no clear reason, even if he’s not doing anything wrong

I only feel physically close during ovulation — the rest of the time I’m emotionally shut down

He helps with the house when I ask, but I carry most of the mental load

We both have trust issues due to things that happened between us before

He says he has doubts too, but he came back because he wanted to build something with me and my daughter. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel disconnected, and I don’t know how to tell what’s burnout vs. what’s a sign that this isn’t working.

Has anyone else been in this in-between place — loving someone, but not sure if being together is helping or hurting right now?

How do you figure out what you actually need when everything feels too full to think clearly?

When you say he left his family, do you mean his partner and kids?

Sorry no, he lived with his mum and very close to his auntie and cousin, in his culture, they don't believe he should be living with anyone before marriage , especially outside of there culture and he should be at home taking care of them

You shouldn't be moving someone you barely know in with your DC. Even if your DC wasn't in the picture though, it's a new relationship, you have enough on your plate. Ask him to leave.

You've only known him a few months, too soon to move in. How does your DD feel about him living in her safe space. Why can't you have a relationship without living together.

So you've moved in someone you barely know. People can pretend to be anything they like online.🙄. You are so irresponsible.

No I don't think he should be living with you. You've only known him in person very briefly and already broken up in that space of time. You're clearly not comfortable or happy with him living with you. Did you even ask him to move in? This doesn't sound like it is working.

How old is your daughter?

What possessed you to move a man in to her home with such urgency?

To clarify we met online and had been talking facetiming for two years we then met in person alone in very ealrly november and things progressed quickly. I think his background culture added pressure definatly, but now he has no where to live, he's dead to his family in there words, my daughters 8 and loves him being here she seems really stable and as for our ups and does we got pregnant in later December accidently, I lost the baby at 3 months and then had to have surgery due to this and we didn't cope very well especially me, he's great, it seems like it's just me and my feelings, hence me asking for advice here

Oh you have gone about this completely the wrong way I'm afraid. Your relationship has alienated him from his family which is going to put immense pressure on you both. You moved in him in with you almost straight away. Please don't say that this is what your daughter wanted. You know very well that children have to be protected from men in their mother's life. Now he has moved in with you there are problems, which quite frankly anyone could've predicted.

I think you should tell him that he needs to go back into his family and end the relationship with you.

I honestly don't understand the mentality behind moving a male partner in so quickly when you have a female child.
Your poor little girl.

You've found out you're not compatible. Time for him to move on. Him being ostracised by his family could be bullshit but either way it's not your problem.

I also think you’ve gone about all this the wrong way too. You’ve spent two years on FaceTime so you hardly know each other as well as you think. This short relationship has been full of ups and downs along with pregnancy and a break up. Nothing makes a man fall in love quicker than a man without a home -which you provided.

Put your daughter first and now rather then your love life and cease teaching her so many damaging lessons about relationships.

@AttilaTheMeerkati understand what you're saying but we broke up due to my feelings after the surgery, he was amazing, did everything he could yes we both told stupid lies and messed up but we both held ourselves accountable, he had a home until he told them about me and chose to come back to me , and move in and I understand it's quick but if he's amazing, helps alot, does alot and is very compassionate so why should time matter in that. Genuine question

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage, that sounds really hard.

I think time matters because you didn't make the decision to move in together on your own timeline. Circumstances kind of pushed you into living together. It wasn't as simple as living separately and then deciding "we both feel ready to take the next step". So it wasn't a totally free choice and has left you in an uncomfortable situation. Plus you have also been through something very traumatic quite recently and all this is an awful lot of change.

As above
How old are you both?
Why can't he move into,his own place?
Moving from his mother to a girlfriend is a very "particular" thing to do that sets up a very particular dynamic. Is he able to take Carr of himself, financially, at home in terms of all the jobs that are required for living
Your child doesn't know him and may love him being there but it's not her decision ...its your decision that matters. 2 years facetiming is not a relationship.. what stops you from taking things slowly and whats the rush?
Did you get pregnant because he wants a child or uou both do?

Come on... think, think, get your act together and think. What's going on..what are you doing...why are you letting him call the shots?

@Toohardtofindaproperusername
We both want children at some point but I suffer from issues preventing me to carry full term currently so would rather sooner than later however he wants to wait. The previous pregnancy that we lost was not planned. I am 26, he is 22. He was 19 when we met and became friends as part of a group we would ft alot and, 21 when we met irl.

He needs to move out. Where he goes is not your problem to fix.
You need to concentrate on you and your daughter, you know that too, so do it.

I was more so here asking for advice to make it work whilst he lives here.

You have moved him in too fast. He needs to live by himself.
So many red flags.

Well, as people are telling you, this is the wrong question. You made a poor decision by moving him in. It’s not working, so you need to tell him he needs to move out. Where he lives after that is his issue.

A child cannot decide when to move a man in. Of course she will say yes.

It won't work, hence the advice about moving him out.

The more you add OP, the worse this sounds. You met him when he was a teenager. After a very short period he wants to live with and build something with you and your 8 year old daughter. You're already talking about more children, with this now 22 year old. Your daughter is currently out of school and this barely adult is your main focus. Your daughter is so low down the list of your priorities at a time when she really needs you.

What culture? His family will accept him back if he wants to return, I don't really believe that, sorry. And also, this isn’t your problem, he’s a grown man, he can rent.

You moved him in way too soon obviously.

All this!