To fart or not to fart?

[ConfusedMiddleAgedDater]

I’m about a month into seeing a guy, who is head over heels with me (and backs that up with actions). I like him a lot but am cautious in early days, don’t like to rush things.

Last night, I can’t remember how it came up but he said farting in a relationship is completely natural. I said maybe after 10 years but if he did it now he’d be straight out that door. He thought this was hilarious and said he’d dutch oven me. You’d be forgiven for thinking he’s 5 years old, he’s actually 40! He did say he’d never fart infront of my mum if he met her, so clearly he does have some boundaries, but apparently his family and friends all regularly do infront of each other.

I honestly would end things if he did that with me. I’m talking intentionally not accidental. fwiw we’re both very into kink (not farting related, but definitely not a prude, just think its disgusting).

Am asking here to understand which of us is living in a parallel universe!

Sorry about your DP. I suppose it’s just what we can handle as individuals … I’d really struggle with it.

I won’t tell you about a game we play then? It’s called ‘guess my fart’ when youve got one brewing you’ announce guess my fart’ then everyone has to make the noise they think the fart will make. Closest wins.

My dad used to play 'was that me or the dog'

Ive been married for 20 years this year I can count on one hand the times Ive heard my DH fart. Sadly I fart when I cough or sneeze, its not deliberate and I always apologise, my DD and DH now just laugh! I may need to work on my pelvic floor muscles....

Of course if someone can't help it, then you make allowances.

But if they can help it, I expect them to respect my airspace 😂

We're all allowed to have our own preferences. I wouldn't be suited to some bloke who lets rip or finds it hilarious to Dutch oven someone. I'm OK with that.

Have a think about your reaction towards a natural function everyone does. When I say have a think I mean think about what caused you to see it as disgusting. Assuming that none of us are born thinking farts are disgusting, could this be someone else's view pushed onto you at an early age? As an example some people think sex is disgusting. I remember our mum calling our brother dirty when she caught him touching himself. He didn't think he was dirty before she said that.

I don't see it as particularly disgusting, I just think it's more polite to avoid doing it in front of people. It is how I was brought up. Our family were not farters. 😂

I think it has little relation to shaming people for sexual behaviour.

Although people do joke about "accidentally following through" so that can be pretty disgusting. We're taught disgust about poo as children cos it's unhealthy to touch or ingest in the same way as we're taught about rotten food.

You are allowed your boundaries and are not alone in feeling like this but I don’t think you are compatible with him. I and my husband and some of my friends and family are more in your boyfriends camp and will pass wind in front of each other for comfort and for some, laughs.

i personally couldn’t be in a relationship where stomach pain and trapped wind was expected but each to their own. My DH kept his wind under wrapped for only a short time until I let him know he pumped in his sleep and that was it, he didn’t keep them in anymore 😂

I don't see farts as disgusting, I experience them as disgusting. They make a disgusting smell, that makes me feel disgusted, because it not only smells disgusting, but emanates from someone else's colon and arises from fermentation of the waste products in their bowel and bacteria. That's all disgusting. Shit, bowels, fermenting gas, all disgusting aspects of life that I prefer to avoid where possible.

Exactly. There are bathrooms for a reason

@ConfusedMiddleAgedDater 4 weeks op and he is already wanting to do this. You know what he’s all about now so best not get any further involved if it’s not for you.

Carts are hilarious. We’re all about them in our house. Our 3 year old can fart on command so he often gets sent to detonate next to my husband like a little stealth bomber.

😂😂
I love farting on my own, the odd accidental one makes me laugh, but if my kids and partner were pushing them out around me it would be gross. I couldn’t be intimate with someone after smelling their shit all day 😩😂

I’d implode if I couldn’t fart freely. I’m very windy as are all my family. Doesn’t make any difference how much fibre I eat or what changes I make to my diet, I just blow all the time. I really couldn’t get in a fizz about a fart. I don’t see it as disgusting, it’s got to come out! For those who can toot politely at will,
think yourself lucky!

It's a natural bodily function. I am a windbag from a family of windbags, as is DH. We fart in front of each other a lot, otherwise we'd be in agony. Thankfully we love a bit of immature humour and find it hilarious. But everyone is different, if you find it disgusting and he doesn't, maybe you're not that compatible.

Do you prefer Tesco or Sainsburys?

My partner and I never deliberately fart around eachother. If one slips out that's one thing and I can laugh it off as much as the next person but having grown up around men that found it humorous to deliberately fart around me and revelled in my disgust has left me with a low tolerance for intentional farters. Save it for the bathroom, or just leave the room or immediate area, but I don't want to smell your arse gases. It's disrespectful and it says a lot to me that once you'd voiced discomfort he doubled down on his desire to disrespect your boundaries.

It’s not uptight to try to not fart, burp etc in front of people 🤔 it’s just called polite surely? If you can’t help it/poorly fine. Nothing more nothing less. It’s not a competition on either side of the argument 🙄

You have not LIVED until you've farted mid-sex and he stops moving and asks, "Did you just fart on my balls?"

My husband keeps a small handheld electronic fan on the sofa so when I fart, he holds the fan to his nose to propel the smell in the opposite direction.

Honestly OP, he sounds like a juvenile twat.

If he feels a fart coming on, the least he could do is either go outside and fart or at least not to do it in your company, it's just basic manners., if he does it in bed, next to you, you may need to have a word with him.