Husbands sexual attraction to others

[Legallybrunette97]

Ladies, is your husband sexually attracted to other people? If so, are you bothered?
I take it personally, lots of people say he should only be attracted to me, which in honesty seems absurd. I just hate the thought he gets these primal feelings of sexual attraction to others.

I'm afraid that's all very natural. Men and women find others attractive. Men are visual creatures so yes I accept my partner finds other women attractive. Do I like it? Not really but I accept it. Nothing I can do to change it. Now if he made it obvious for example staring when we are out or making comments that would be a whole different matter.

Thank you for such a nice and honest response. I appreciate it. Lots of friends telling me it’s not normal and to leave him, so making me very anxious. All my research suggests it’s completely normal too. 🙂

Whether he is or not is not really the issue. It’s the fact that he either tells you about it (incredible insensitive and hurtful) or is being obvious about it when he’s around attractive women (gross).

In his defence, he isn’t doing either. I asked and asked and asked, after seeing and hearing things. He has always been so good and I honestly never would have known before. (Other than the occasional porn use!)

After seeing and hearing what?

What have you seen and heard?

oh, nothing specific to do with him. Just things online, about people being sexually attracted to others whilst in relationships. Naive me never realised that was a thing.

What ’ things’ you see and hear?

Are you honest to God never sexually attracted to any other man, ever? Not even someone on TV or whatever?

Of course he is attracted to other people - that is just human nature. Everyone notices other people who are attractive. The problem comes if they are obvious about it!

Also to add to this, a lot of people see “attracted to” the same as feeling “sexually attracted to”, and my husband has clarified that he does have an uncontrollable sexual feeling towards people. He would never in a million years do anything and says what should matter is whether he acts on these.

In that case yes you are being unreasonable and extremely naive. Maybe in a few years you’ll notice someone attractive and realise it means nothing unless you act on it, or go looking for it. If he’s not doing that you really need to let it go.

You sound anxious OP. All you can do is draw your boundaries. My partner knows if he ever cheats on me that will be the end of us. He will never have access to me again. It will be the end forever. He knows I mean it so it's his choice. I refuse to live my life worrying about it. If he he's not rubbing it in your face then try and put it out of your mind. I do wondywhy your friends are saying this unless there's more to it

You know, it’s funny because a few years ago, I’d honestly say no. I do think I require a strong connection with someone to sleep with them. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with like that! But as time has gone on, I can definitely look at someone and get a little feeling and acknowledge I would sleep with them (if I were single!)

I mean, he's not dead, so of course he's sexually attracted to other people. I'm sexually attracted to other people all the time. Aren't you? It just means you have eyes.
And no, I'm not bothered. We both talk about people we find hot all the time.

No honestly - ask my friends and their response is “if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be attracted to anyone else” and basically to be sexually attracted to someone is like cheating… crazy

This. of course once married you still find other people attractive.

Acting on it- no. Sleazing over others - no. Using it as a way to make your actual spouse feel insecure - hell no.

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty!

He would never intentionally do any of those things. He wishes he never told me the truth now, otherwise I’d have been none the wiser!

Everyone fancies other people from time to time, it’s completely normal. You don’t turn off being human when you get married.

That just doesn't make sense. You can't possibly have thought that being in a relationship literally and automatically prevented someone from being attracted to anyone else? Like flipping a switch?

And this is one way to look at it. Personally, I don’t want to hear about it and neither does DH so we never discuss this. Some people do, some don’t. But regardless of whether you keep it to yourself or not, it’s 100 percent normal to sometimes find people other than your partner sexy.

so I genuinely thought (I was 19 when we met, first relationship) that when you’re with others, you would find others attractive, but not be sexually attracted to them, and potentially feel a sexual desire.
obviously, naive and incorrect.

That was meant to say “when you’re with someone/in a relationship”

I’m not entirely sure what the difference is between finding someone attractive and being sexually attracted to someone. To me that seems like the same thing.

Isn’t it being Demi sexual or something, to only fancy people you are connected to/in a relationship with? Otherwise known as ‘considered totally normal 40yrs ago’.

Some people can have recreational sex because they separate sexual attraction from relationships.
Others can’t. Because without relationship there’s no sexual attraction.

We are all different.