Husbands sexual attraction to others

[Legallybrunette97]

Ladies, is your husband sexually attracted to other people? If so, are you bothered?
I take it personally, lots of people say he should only be attracted to me, which in honesty seems absurd. I just hate the thought he gets these primal feelings of sexual attraction to others.

Yes, I believe this is correct.

Finding someone attractive is being able to say “they’re good looking” but not actually being attracted to them, not having a desire to do anything.
whereas being attracted, specifically sexually attracted, is the desire to sleep with them/do something sexual with them.

Just depends on the person. I’m married, I can see if someone is attractive but that doesn’t make me sexually attracted to them. I’ve not been sexually attracted to anyone else since meeting my husband…. But I’m not blind and can see if someone is attractive

I think ti depends how you 'use' it. I met DH when I was 30, 22 years ago. He is still the most beautiful man I have ever met. But I do occasionally have a vague sexual attraction to others, which I have never acted on. I use that sort of momentum to - um- surprise- DH with renewed vigour.

I love DH and I am wholly faithful to him. But I am still a human being. Dh also had a bit of a crush on DS1's Year 3 teacher for a little while. Which I could see a mile away and gently teased him about by being 'jealous' and telling him 'isn't it good I am still jealous over you?'. It became a cementing thing if you see what I mean. He's human too. But, that all said- if he was using an attraction to try and make me insecure or try and manipulate me - I'd take a dim view entirely. I've been there in a previous relationship with a deeply nasty and controlling man. The vibe is totally different.

I really like this response. I agree completely, so thank you. It’s nice to see it in “reality”, rather than hypothetically knowing your partner is sexually attracted to others.

Actually I don’t think I’ve ever been sexually attracted to a person I’ve met in the real world since I’ve been with DH. It’s more like watching a Tom Hardy movie and thinking ’grrr’. 😆

Your friends are talking rubbish.

“men are visual” whereas women don’t have eyes and don’t care whether someone looks visually appealing or not!!

the amount of times this rubbish gets spouted on here… women are no different.

I do actually think biologically men are much more visual than women - it’s not just a stereotype. Women prefer rom coms and romantic literature, men prefer porn… (generally - there are always exceptions!)

There are plenty of people in the public eye and online who do look sexually appealing to the majority.
I'd argue it would be strange for people of either sex not to see that.
If someone was comparing you unfavourably to these people or using it as a way to put you down then that's not on.
Otherwise it's human nature to find attractive people, well, attractive!

I'm not sure I'd agree with those definitions.

There are plenty of people who I can see are good looking, but I'm not attracted to them.

Whereas someone who I find attractive, is someone I'd be interested in pursuing if I were single.

It may be that you and your partner are getting hung up on differing definitions. If my partner asked if I found other people attractive, I'd say yes. If she then asked me if I found them sexually attractive, then I'd still say yes, because that means the same thing to me. If she then asked me if I ever wanted to have sex with other people, I'd say No, because I'm happily in a monogamous relationship with her.

I understand you. My husband always says he doesn’t ever want to have sex with other people, because we’re monogamous and it would destroy us. But he is still sexually attracted to others and has a biological/physical response to those people, in which he knows he would like to sleep with them, if he were single.

This is evidence based though. Of course women enjoy visual elements too but there are generally differences in how mens and women's brains and bodies respond to visual stimuli

You don't think women are attracted to men because of their looks? Just read any thread admiring male celebrities. It's not their personalities that are being raved about! Girls are raised on romance and Disney princesses, but their princes don't tend to be ugly, do they?

Personally I would find it very odd if my husband was attracted to me and only me.
If he did anything about it, or was leering at women or heavily flirting then that would not be ok, but to simply find people attractive is quite normal.
Like TV stars, we can talk about tv stars we find attractive and those we do not. My DH really likes Michelle Pfeiffer very attractive, and he cant stand Julia Roberts. I find Charlie Hunnam attractive and Johnny Depp turns me off. We can talk openly about it.

Yeah, and thats a perfectly normal thing to feel, no matter whether you're in a relationship or not.

There's a woman who I pass most days on my morning commute who does funny things to me. I've never so much as spoken to her and yet every day we walk past each other and my day brightens almost imperceptibly.

Equally, DP is incapable of talking to our daughters karate teacher without blushing and giggling.

Does it mean either of us don't love the other, or would throw away a 20 year relationship if the opportunity arose to jump their bones? Of course not. It's just something about them setting off a hormonal reaction. Exactly the same reaction we got when we first met each other.

Can you honestly say you've never felt like that about anyone while you were in a relationship?

Do you mean he gets a hard on in the company of someone he fancies-that he can't control himself? Yuk!
What do you mean by a physical response?.

It depends what you mean. I expect my husband finds other people to be sexy to look at, but when you say 'primal feelings of sexual attraction' that sounds a bit more than just thinking someone is quite hot.

There are always going to be beautiful people out there. Most people arent always looking to keep upgrading partners to whoever they think wins at top sexiness.

No, he doesn’t get a hard on 😆 he said it’s literally just a feeling, probably a rush of one of the many hormones that seeing a good looking person makes you feel. He said he wasn’t a pervert and could control himself, it was merely a feeling which he knows means sexual desire/attraction.

Evidence carried out by men right? I don’t believe it. Sexist rubbish to say men are visual and women aren’t.

Well, I suppose when you think of it, what else is supposed to be the reaction when you see someone “sexy” or “attractive”. We’re made to procreate aren’t we, men more frequently than women. So getting primal feelings of sexual attraction is just that.

They’ve done scientific testing, measuring brain waves/activity, hormone levels etc when shown images. It definitely shows a very different biological experience between men and women.

Seeing and hearing what?

who? The same people that told you women prefer romantic romcoms & literature and men prefer porn? Riiiight.

Absolutely!!!!

I feel sexually attracted to other men beside my DH all the time. That certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it but sometimes when I see a really attractive and sexy guy I do feel a naughty urge and have some naughty thoughts 🤣

I’m pretty confident my husband is the same when it comes to meeting attractive women.

It’s just nature and women are just as “visual” as men when it comes to whether they find someone sexually attractive or not.