Husbands sexual attraction to others

[Legallybrunette97]

Ladies, is your husband sexually attracted to other people? If so, are you bothered?
I take it personally, lots of people say he should only be attracted to me, which in honesty seems absurd. I just hate the thought he gets these primal feelings of sexual attraction to others.

Normal to be sexually attracted to others even when in a committed relationship. But that of course doesn’t mean you should actually want to act on it, or make it known that you find whoever sexually attractive. There’s a couple of guys I see when I swim who I think, wow, but doesn’t mean I’d ever in a million years want to actually act on it and cheat on my partner!

This is basically how my husband explains it. He would never want to act on it, and never has in the 9 years we’ve been together. I’ve never even seen him flirt with another women 😆 I’m very unfortunate and whilst I can look at something and think “you’re very attractive” I don’t have any other feelings or anything.
whereas my husband knows he would sleep with them. I need a connection to want to do that.

Are you the man in question OP?

Nope, most definitely the wife. Why?

Do you mind me asking, are you a guy?

I think maybe your partner isnt really making you feel secure of his affection for you.
Does he make you feel sexy and wanted?
Is he always mentioning women he fancies?

I could find someone more physically beautiful than my husband, but it doesn't mean i give it any real thought. Its nice for people to be physically attractive, but thats not what makes you want to partner up with someone.

I am indeed.

Because you sound like a man trying to justify himself 😀

So you're sexually attracted to others but it never occured to you anyone else ever felt this way?

Well, the thing is, I’ve only recently started “allowing” myself to feel this way, to acknowledge attractive people and that I would, theoretically, sleep with them if I were single.
I hadn’t allowed myself to do that before (no I’m not religious at all!)

I am definitely just the wife, but also protective and want to make sure people get the right picture of my husband.

Well, if he will not act on the attraction, then the attraction isn't "uncontrollable" .

And you would genuinely say my husbands comment about knowing when you’re sexually attracted to someone and getting that feeling, which you know means you’d want to sleep with them if you were single, is similar to how you and other men experience it?

My DH and I have been together over 20 years and we’ve def. both been attracted to other people and been pursued by other people. It’s the not acting on it part that’s important.

Not quite, I’m not sure you understand. An attraction can be uncontrollable. Whether you ACT on said attraction is what you can control.

Sexual attraction is part of our biological make-up as human beings.
It’s one of the involuntary, animal aspects of the brain that is driven to ensure the continuation and survival of the species. That part of the brain doesn’t just switch off when you decide to be in a monogamous relationship.
It’s totally normal to look at a person, and all those sexual attraction bingo lights to start pinging in your brain. That’s completely out of our control. What we do control is what we chose to do with that sexual attraction.
The sexual attraction in itself is a totally normal, biological response. Choosing to act on that attraction is a conscious decision.
So yeah, I’m sure my husband does feel sexual attraction to other people, so do I 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd say it's similar to how most people feel it, male or female isn't it?

When DP talks to DDs karate teacher, she gets what she calls the "fanny gallops". (A phrase I've since seen on Mumsnet, most disturbingly about the effect Mr. Tumble has on some women)

So it's not just a male phenomenon, it's just a feeling in the base of your abdomen that goes along with a sudden hormonal surge.

Love that description. I am also equally disturbed about those getting the feeling from mr tumble.
my DD isn’t old enough for it yet. When she is, ill be sure to report back as to whether Mr T has the same effect on me!

You are being unreasonable. Humans are not designed to be monogamous, its a choice and a social norm. Doesn't really matter where you get your appetite as long as you dine at home. As long as he is respectful of you and your feelings.

What you say is true, and just what I thought about 15seconds after I posted 🤐

I accept that he must be attracted to other women but I'm grateful he doesn't let on that this is the case!

He can look all he wants...but he comes home to me,
I can see a good looking man...and think he's good looking, but wouldn't make any sort of moves,
The issue is, that you need more self confidence in yourself.

That sounds insane to me, though I suspect you're all a lot younger than I am!

I absolutely get attracted to other guys, as I'm sure my dh does, because we're not dead and appreciate good looks/whatever qualities we find attractive. However, as others have said, neither of us would ever act on this and that's what matters.

Your friends are being naive and unreasonable and taking that line, imho, is just going to train partners to lie that they don't ever find anyone attractive.

Of course leering/comments/comparisons/
dickish behaviour of any kind including actual cheating is not remotely OK. But quietly feeling attraction to someone else just proves you're human.

Well humans are not robots, my husband must but he is very discreet if he is so i have no idea but the idea it switches off when you are married automatically is weird

Exactly. So if he ever does find someone attractive he might as well shag them any way! They must also be either lying to themselves or seriously repressing themselves if they honestly say they've never found another person attractive since the day they got with their partners!!