Trans Widows Support In The UK

[midlandhold]

Hey, I am a bit lost and looking for help/guidance.

My husband of 19 years admitted to me in March that he wants to transition and has started investigating surgeries etc.

I don't feel like i am capable of carrying on the relationship and have found that there just isn't really any 'real people' help for those of us who feel this way.

All I really want is to find someone I can actually talk to who can relate to what I am going through - is there anyone out there who could point me in the right direction?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4879982-trans-widows-escape-committee-6-the-next-generation?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi OP. Here is a link to the most recent trans widows thread although there hasn’t been much going on there for a while.

As you say, unfortunately Trans Widows Voices has never had the resources (mostly as it would be so time consuming) to set up a private forum even though it is desperately needed.

Thank you. It’s very difficult. I’m seeing a therapist weekly but would just like to speak to someone directly who has been or is going through the same thing xx

Thank you. I need all the help I can get at the moment x

Thank you I appreciate all the help and info I can get. Yes definitely. I’m not living like that. It’s not for me.

Thank you. I will take a look. Yes it’s desperately needed but I understand it’s a time consuming thing to run! It’s quite shocking to see how many women have been out through this.

He’s definitely AGP. From everything he’s done in the past and to his behaviour now. Dressing like a porn star. Long blonde wig and clothes someone in their twenties would wear not a woman in her 40s. He has mummy issues and I think all of this stems from childhood. Apparently he’s felt like this since he was 14. I think porn has helped him on his way with all of this. Starts with normal porn and then escalates and before you know it they are watching trans porn. He lies, gaslights and has narcissistic tendencies. I’m better off without him for sure. I just mourn the 19 years we were together. It’s such wasted time in my eyes with someone who clearly wasn’t deserving of me.

This is quite terrifying isn’t it?! I wonder what the hell the appeal of dressing like a 20 year old woman is, so what they get off on it? It’s gross and creepy. To think they wanted us to share bathrooms and changing facilities with these kinds of people?!
I understand it was a big chunk of time in your life, and you’ve every right to mourn it and feel disappointed that it feels wasted, but I’d try to focus on what you want from your future and start putting this person behind you. One step at a time. X

It’s vetting users that would take a long time, as well as moderating it.

I’ve had the bones of a forum set up behind the website for a while but never managed to solve that problem.

i have to deal with people fishing for my details all the time already. I think a forum would be subject to attempted infiltration by our actual exes, men like them, their supporters, and general nosy parkers. Weeding all that out would not be straight forward.

It’s a shame how many things I’ve not been able to do due to lack of time. That’s where our exes have the advantage though, they have all the time in the world while ours is taken up with keeping our children sane.

I should add there are support groups for women who stay or who are prepared to buy into gender ideology.

Yes it is. However he is on agreement with me that they do not belong in female sports or spaces. I blame porn for all this AGP business.

It’s going to take time I know. I mean I will never forgive or forget but I will get better xx

You know what, I agree with you. I think it escalates and now it’s a sickness.

And yes, you absolutely will heal from this x

I can imagine. I just find it so shocking that we can not have a safe space. These people are unhinged. I’m lucky in the fact that he is not like that well not yet anyway. He doesn’t agree with men using women spaces or being in women’s sports. He is a triathlete. He is aware and I make sure he is very aware of the struggle. I don’t have kids with him. I had 2 miscarriages. Which as awful as it may sound it seems it was just as well. I can’t imagine how awful it is for the children affected by these mentally ill men.

Ha there’s a surprise! (Not a surprise) makes me so angry.

Xx

Definitely a mental illness.

It won’t be much longer before he’s all in.

It might be possible to do a private space by requiring people to send a photo ID and then using AI to verify their identity. I have seen it on some sites where you turn your head slowly to the left and to the right.

The only issue would be if a stbx/ex passed really well but that doesn't happen very often. One thing they usually can't fake is the voice so that could come into play as well.

Also charging a bit would keep some people out as well.

There are private groups on FB for transwidows.

https://ourpath.org/ourpath_podcast/s2-ep-11-the-cis-spouse-bill-of-rights/

This is from 2019 I think.

I know her and she has since realized that her ex was insisting on being "just a cross dresser" but started taking low doses of testosterone blockers and estrogen after they moved in together. So was transing in secret for most of their time together.

Actually there are other ways to keep out spouses and stbxs and exes and people who just want to argue but I'm not going to go into detail about it.

I'm working on a project to maybe make an app for straight spouses and there is room to do a very tightly locked down, highly moderated private section for transwidows. There are some AI programs that could assist as well.

I don’t need tips on how to do it. I don’t have the time.

I'm thinking out loud, trying to see if people are interested pretty much.

Do you know the name of the closed Facebook groups? I have tried searching and found loads for people wanting to transition but not for women affected by it?

I PM'd you. They aren't searchable in order to keep TRAs, trolls, exes, stbxs, and the like out.

Oh my god how truly awful for her. Will give it a listen. thank you