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Original poster

Should I lend my boyfriend money?

97 replies

DAISYBELLAxx · 27/05/2025 13:19

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we are currently in the process of buying a house together (should be moving in anytime in the next month or so!)

We currently both live in his flat.

I have 100K in savings and he has 80K equity in his house. We are both putting down £35,000 each as a deposit and it is costing is around £6,000 each to move (solicitors and stamp duty).

My boyfriend has always loved motorbikes, but he had to sell his in order to help with moving into his flat 5 years ago. He was planning on buying a bike out of his equity when we had exchanged and completed on the house. However, his dream bike has come along (his friend owns a bike shop and has given my boyfriend first refusal, plus knocked £500 off the asking price).

I have offered to lend my boyfriend the money for the bike (£6,500) until his equity is released from the flat. We have both been very clear that this is ofcourse a loan and I trust him to pay me back.

It is no skin off my nose as my money will just be sitting there and I do not plan to spend it.

However, I can't help but feel a bit wobbly about lending this much. I have sat on my savings for years. I trust my boyfriend and it brings me joy to see him happy , but I still feel strange about it.

Is it normal to be feeling like this? Is it unreasonable?

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 13:20

Why not buy it in your name and let him use it?

nahthatsnotforme · 27/05/2025 13:23

If I was happy enough to buy a house with someone I’d be happy enough to lend them the money

lovehearts88 · 27/05/2025 13:24

Your buying a house together so must be very serious with this person. So I would do it, but others may not.

MounjaroMounjaro · 27/05/2025 13:26

You say you trust him. Why wouldn't you lend him the money?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/05/2025 13:26

As per PP, is this you realising you're not as comfortable as you thought?

Or is it that its quite hard to see a chunk of money disappear out of your account? Takes ages to build up, then whoosh gone 😆 I've definitely had that last minute wobble.

Lmnop22 · 27/05/2025 13:28

Boyfriend or not, put it in writing

TheFlis · 27/05/2025 13:29

In your circumstances I would, but make sure you get it in writing that it is a loan.

goldtaps · 27/05/2025 13:30

nahthatsnotforme · 27/05/2025 13:23

If I was happy enough to buy a house with someone I’d be happy enough to lend them the money

This.

can’t imagine not saying yes to this if I was buying a house with someone

Original poster
DAISYBELLAxx · 27/05/2025 13:31

Thanks everyone! I'm not sure what is making me feel like this. I come from a family of people who tend to worry a lot about things and are sceptical of everything.

I know I trust him! I have just never loaned this amount before and it feels quite significant.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 27/05/2025 13:32

but there are other ways - credit card for example would be a short term solution here - he has a good credit history one assumes as has a flat and a mortgage and buying another - he could easily get one and pay it back before interest kicked in.

yiu are moving in the next month or so so the equity released could even be before the credit card needs paying!

it is a friend as well wouldn’t he maybe accept a down payment knowing the money is coming through soon.

so why are you fixing it?

rainbowstardrops · 27/05/2025 13:43

If your money will just be sitting there than I can’t think why I wouldn’t, seeing as you’re buying a house together, so presumably very serious. I’d also wonder why he wouldn’t just put it on a credit card though and wait for his equity to pay it off.

Tiswa · 27/05/2025 13:51

Or asked his friend if he could put down a holding deposit and pay the rest when the equity comes through

For me it isn’t the lending the money it is that the OP has to come in and fix something that given the money is coming he could easily do himself

LeavesofBrass · 27/05/2025 13:52

Nah I wouldn't.

It's a want not a need.

I think it will change the dynamics of your relationship a bit.

I don't think men deep down like it when women do big gestures or stuff like this for them...they prefer to problem solve for themselves and stay independent. Unless they're cocklodger types.

Did he ask or did you offer?

mindutopia · 27/05/2025 13:56

I wouldn’t be buying a house with a boyfriend of 3 years. But as you are, I can’t see why you wouldn’t loan him money. You’re essentially loaning him £35k to help him buy a house. So £6k is small change.

LightCameraBitchSmile · 27/05/2025 13:56

I would, for reasons others have said.

but why, if you have £180k between you, are you only using £70k on the house and therefore taking a bigger mortgage than you need?

HenDoNot · 27/05/2025 14:01

His equity will be released in the next month. He can buy a bike then.

Buying a bike is not really a priority or a necessity when you’re in the process of buying a house.

He obviously has no savings, only the equity in his flat. Bit of a red flag there.

If you weren’t around with the spare cash he’d have to wait. There’ll be other bikes available in a month. He can wait.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/05/2025 14:42

So he was never able to save

to save for a new bike once he had moved into his flat

not saved anything since you moved into his flat

and out of a potential 80,000 equity he is only putting a 35,000 deposit on the new property

is the new joint property perfect ?
otherwise I can see your savings paying for this that and the next thing...

Thursday5pmisginoclock · 27/05/2025 14:56

If I was in your situation with 100k I would buy the house in your name, so he can keep his to rent out. This way you are getting an investment too. He can turn his into a B2L and release equity if needed. You can officially make it joint (or shared % equity) if you need to share the mortgage with a deed of trust.

why leave yourself with £65k? Or buy a bigger house. If you do have that much money sitting around make sure it’s invested in S&S ISAs.

but why worry about lending him money, you’re buying a house together!!! That is commitment enough.

the legal sound expensive if that is £6k each!!

Ganthanga · 27/05/2025 14:57

I agree with others. Why is your deposit on your new home so low when you have more in savings. It doesn't make financial sense.
And yes I would lend him the money. Least you can do when you have been living in his flat.

Pherian · 27/05/2025 14:59

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 13:20

Why not buy it in your name and let him use it?

This - the ownership can change once he’s paid off the loan.

babystarsandmoon · 27/05/2025 14:59

I wouldn’t as I would want to focus on the house move.

I wouldn’t be lending it to anyone that had no savings either. Just because you’re buying a house together does mean they’ll pay you back.

Original poster
DAISYBELLAxx · 27/05/2025 15:01

Just to confirm - the joint property isn't perfect and needs work. We will be putting £20,000 each into renovations.

Thank you for your responses. I feel like I trust him in order to lend him the money. After all, I have been living with him and only paying £300 per month towards bills (his choice even though I insist more, but he sends it back).

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2025 15:02

Pherian · 27/05/2025 14:59

This - the ownership can change once he’s paid off the loan.

Show quote history

This. Much cleaner than a loan.

Original poster
DAISYBELLAxx · 27/05/2025 15:02

I offered to put down more as a deposit than him on the property, as long as it was written up that I would get more equity if it were to be sold.

He said he is happy for it to be 50/50, which I think is easier and so much less hassle for me too!

OP posts:
britnay · 27/05/2025 15:04

Does he have life insurance, and are you the beneficiary?