I’ve been in a relationship 5 years on and off at times throughout, I know it isn’t right and I know I need to leave but I’m massively struggling with it.
I have 2 children 17, 10 (10 yo has ASD) we have a 3 yo together also on the pathway to ASD diagnosis so as you can imagine times are tough for me. My previous marriage ended due to DV and now I just feel like a huge failure for another failed relationship
I haven’t told anyone apart from my closest friend today who told me to leave.
basically he doesn’t help out at all at home comes home from work sits on phone watching tik tok all night, he never does household jobs everything is on me solely, he keeps all of his wages to himself gives me £150 a week to top up what I get in CM from ex, CB and my Sons DLA, does not go far I pay all the bills! Luckily my house is my house my mother gifted it to me only, so this isn’t an issue no mortgage rent etc but obviously all other bills included with running a house are all on me alone.
what’s difficult is he is buying himself designer trainers, tops etc £1k+ another 2 pairs of trainers for himself this month alone, gym clothes etc.
I haven’t bought myself a thing in forever every penny goes on my children it’s obviously caused a lot of resentment on my part and feels really unfair.
he’s definitely controlling, he can go to the gym every morning before work, weekends too I’m not allowed at all, in fact I’m petrified to tell him I’m going to the local shopping centre with my son because I’ll get silent treatment off him for this alone!
I have major trust issues due to cheating EXH
and I’ve been really paranoid he’s cheating with someone at the gym as apparently he’s too tired to even have a conversation with me in an evening due to work but never missed a 5.45am gym trip, this with all the new gym clothes has only added fuel to my feelings which I understand are my issues and I need to address them myself but things blew up this week as I brought up again why I’m not allowed to the gym but he is and accused him of cheating. He says for his mental health but what about mine, I have no breaks at all, ex doesn’t have any contact with children and current partner never does anything with the children to give me a break EVER
I’m told im nothing, I have nothing going for me, I’d be nothing without him and his generous £150 a week, called a rat numerous times over the years more so the past few months numerous other things.
I do feel worthless, I feel empty, alone with nothing
writing this down it’s no wonder I need this to end but why am I finding it so hard, I’ve been in tears all weekend, I feel like a failure, how will I cope alone which is ridiculous because I do everything alone now.
please can anyone help me or just reassure me
he messaged today saying cancel the summer holiday we had planned, we’re done and I’m in bits about it even though I know he’s absolutely controlling, emotionally abusive etc
please help