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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner said it’s over after 15 years

75 replies

FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 16:55

If you have seen any of my threads me and my partner have had issues for a while. Last night I lost it and blew it out of proportion and have no idea why. I have such a short fuse. It all stems back to alcohol and forgetting he has a family when he is out.
he walked out last night, blocked me, won’t speak to me. Says he hates me, he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t even want to look at me. We have 2 kids together and he said he will have to speak with me through legal channels now. How can he do this to me? I’ve said I’m sorry, I’ve said I’ll change but he is having none of it. I feel absolutely broken hearted. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 16:55

I don’t want to loose my kids or share them. I want a second chance to make things right but he said I’ve had multiple chances and he is done.

OP posts:
something2say · 26/05/2025 16:57

Alcohol how? Forgetting he has a family? But you need a second chance?

Be careful what you wish for....xx

Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:00

He drinks a lot, he doesn’t communicate when he is out. I just ask for the odd message while he is out but he never does. He said I nag him too much and he isn’t allowed to do anything. I don’t want to be without him. How can I make him give me a chance

OP posts:
Idratherreadabookthanks · 26/05/2025 17:01

As they are also a parent of the children you shared them when you chose to have babies with your partner & will continue to do so should you separate unless there are serious abuse issues. The courts won't consider alcohol problems a reason not to allow contact as this can be done in a Contact Centre if necessary.

Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:02

I don’t drink so it’s not me.
when I say share, I can’t go a day when I don’t see my kids. They are my world. I just want some advice how to stop this nightmare happening but he won’t even talk to me

OP posts:
Blackbookofsmiles1 · 26/05/2025 17:03

Your bar is so low, you think you’re the one who needs a second chance. Pick your standards up off the floor.

BoredZelda · 26/05/2025 17:03

You can’t make him do anything. Only you can know if you are nagging him or whether you are being reasonable about when he goes out. You either do it with good reason, or you are controlling. Either way, he doesn’t agree with you doing in and has decided he doesn’t want to be with you any more.

Linked · 26/05/2025 17:04

What do you mean by you lost it and blew it out of proportion?

S0j0urn4r · 26/05/2025 17:05

It's him that should be asking for another chance, not you.

CorneliaCupp · 26/05/2025 17:05

So he is an alcoholic and you have anger issues?
This sounds like a really u healthy relationship op. I'd seriously consider whether staying together is really in the best interests of your children.

babystarsandmoon · 26/05/2025 17:06

It sounds like an awful combination for the kids.

Hatty65 · 26/05/2025 17:08

No decent man blocks his partner of 15 years and the mother of his DC because she objects to his drinking.

He's a spiteful, controlling prick who thinks he can do as he likes and you'll take it - which you clearly will. Stop doing the 'pick me' dance and put your DC FIRST for once.

Ignore him til he comes crawling back and then tell him calmly he's right, the relationship is over and that you'll look forward to hearing from him through the legal channels he insisted on. In the meantime, put in a claim with the CSA and sort yourself out financially if you need to by seeing if you are entitled to any UC or other support.

Stop blubbing and begging this loser for another chance.

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:08

Why have YOU had multiple chances when he is the one out drinking in excess while you are at home parenting?

how much solo parenting does he do so you can go out and enjoy yourself without a care?

why are you not married after 15 years and before two children and do you still work full time? Or have you given up your career and pension contributions on promises and are now fucked, and this is him showing you that and reinforcing that you dont have a say?

Idratherreadabookthanks · 26/05/2025 17:08

Linked · 26/05/2025 17:04

What do you mean by you lost it and blew it out of proportion?

This ☝

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:10

CorneliaCupp · 26/05/2025 17:05

So he is an alcoholic and you have anger issues?
This sounds like a really u healthy relationship op. I'd seriously consider whether staying together is really in the best interests of your children.

She doesnt have anger issues. She has a dickhead partner who refuses to communicate and calls her a nag when she asks him perfectly reasonable things. He makes out that she has an anger issue to deflect from his shitty behaviour.

Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:11

Idratherreadabookthanks · 26/05/2025 17:08

This ☝

Show quote history

I just told him how I felt that he always chooses booze over me. I should have just kept my mouth shut and I wouldn’t be in this mess.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:11

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:08

Why have YOU had multiple chances when he is the one out drinking in excess while you are at home parenting?

how much solo parenting does he do so you can go out and enjoy yourself without a care?

why are you not married after 15 years and before two children and do you still work full time? Or have you given up your career and pension contributions on promises and are now fucked, and this is him showing you that and reinforcing that you dont have a say?

I gave up my job 2 years ago.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:12

Linked · 26/05/2025 17:04

What do you mean by you lost it and blew it out of proportion?

I expect normally she silently puts up with his shitty behaviour and this time she didnt.

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:12

FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:11

I gave up my job 2 years ago.

Show quote history

and no marriage? What is the living situation?

OchreRaven · 26/05/2025 17:13

How often does he go out? If he’s going out once every few weeks and you want him to be in contact all the time I can see why he is frustrated. If he’s going out a couple of times a week and expecting you to look after the kids with no communication I can see why you got angry. Maybe you didn’t deal with it in the best way but that doesn’t mean you are wrong to call him out on his behaviour. He’s now claiming the moral high ground.

I would call his bluff. I’m sure he wants you to beg him to come home and tell him how wrong you are and how sorry. But that’s totally unfair.

Tell him you have thought about it and he is right you shouldn’t be together as you want a partner who respects and communicates with you. Say you know you didn’t deal with it in the right way but the fact that he can’t take accountability for his part in this doesn’t mean he’s blameless. Tell him you will be in touch with a lawyer about childcare arrangements.

If he is serious then nothing you will say will change his mind. And if he does come back I assume he will expect to do whatever he wants without a thought for you. Is that how you want to live?

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:14

FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:11

I just told him how I felt that he always chooses booze over me. I should have just kept my mouth shut and I wouldn’t be in this mess.

Show quote history

This needs highlighting as i know this site and women willl come on here and say your gobshite alcoholic selfish dp was right because they imagined you screaming like a banshee and being violent, rather than speaking up for yourself which he doesnt tolerate.

Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:14

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:12

and no marriage? What is the living situation?

Show quote history

We got engaged 11 years ago but kids and money stopped a wedding. We have a joint mortgage but since giving up my job I don’t contribute financially. I am a full time stay at home mom.

OP posts:
LoveTheLake525 · 26/05/2025 17:16

Hatty65 · 26/05/2025 17:08

No decent man blocks his partner of 15 years and the mother of his DC because she objects to his drinking.

He's a spiteful, controlling prick who thinks he can do as he likes and you'll take it - which you clearly will. Stop doing the 'pick me' dance and put your DC FIRST for once.

Ignore him til he comes crawling back and then tell him calmly he's right, the relationship is over and that you'll look forward to hearing from him through the legal channels he insisted on. In the meantime, put in a claim with the CSA and sort yourself out financially if you need to by seeing if you are entitled to any UC or other support.

Stop blubbing and begging this loser for another chance.

This ^

Original poster
FlakyBrickTiger · 26/05/2025 17:16

DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 17:14

This needs highlighting as i know this site and women willl come on here and say your gobshite alcoholic selfish dp was right because they imagined you screaming like a banshee and being violent, rather than speaking up for yourself which he doesnt tolerate.

Show quote history

I just had a moan because I feel jealous that I’m not the thing or person that makes him happy. He said he hasn’t really liked me for 10 years so I don’t feel great about myself but hoping it was just said in the moment but I am not that lucky.
it’s all my fault, I just want to put it right.

OP posts:
Idratherreadabookthanks · 26/05/2025 17:16

I just told him how I felt that he always chooses booze over me. I should have just kept my mouth shut and I wouldn’t be in this mess.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has a problem is alcohol I would say that you were already in a mess. Someone with an addiction problem can only have a relationship with their addiction, all other relationships take second place.

You are better off without this & need to take steps to get a job & move on.