My partner said it’s over after 15 years

[FlakyBrickTiger]

If you have seen any of my threads me and my partner have had issues for a while. Last night I lost it and blew it out of proportion and have no idea why. I have such a short fuse. It all stems back to alcohol and forgetting he has a family when he is out.
he walked out last night, blocked me, won’t speak to me. Says he hates me, he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t even want to look at me. We have 2 kids together and he said he will have to speak with me through legal channels now. How can he do this to me? I’ve said I’m sorry, I’ve said I’ll change but he is having none of it. I feel absolutely broken hearted. I don’t know what to do

Well he’s hoping you keep your mouth shut and not challenge him isn’t he. Soon as he gets in the pub it’s like he doesn’t have you and kids. No contact while you’re stuck at home. I lived it all years ago. We are only still together because he hasn’t had a drink for over 20 years. He chose us

And this ^

If you feel he does choose drinking over you, it would be be very difficult never to say it at some point in the relationship.

it is not your fault and you need to keep him dumped. Stop begging an alcoholic prick to stay with you.

Yes this.

I'm trying to be kind here, but you & your children don't need this loser.

I have no idea why you gave your job up, but you must have seen that this situation wasn't going to get any better while you were enabling his addiction & that you needed to protect yourself & your children for when it, inevitably, went wrong.

See a solicitor. Find out what benefits you can claim. Find out what maintence he has to pay you. Make moves to be independent and happy. He's not going to want the kids more than a few hours once a month.

Use this moment to re start your life

Can you not see his abusive this relationship is?
He acts like a cunt and you’re lying down like a doormat begging him to wipe his feet on you. You’re on this mess because he’s a piece of shit, not because you told him his behaviour is wrong.

Separating, getting your DC out of this toxic environment and finding some self respect is the change you need

Do you really think this is all you’re worth? And dk you want your DC growing up thinking this is normal - that men are entitled to treat their partners like absolute shit on their shoe?

Come on OP please see the reality of this shitshow before it’s too late

Its not your fault
You're not a beggar pleading at the feet of a king
You don't have to live this way and it's definitely not fair to make your kids live this way

he does choose booze over you. You need to choose yourself and your kids over suffering from him. Get a good solicitor and start planning. Good luck. Alcoholics are not nice people to be around.

If he didn't drink and treat you like something he's scraped off his shoe, you wouldn't be in this mess

He’s an alcoholic and his primary relationship is with drink, it’s not with you and it’s never been with you either.

Why is your relationship bar this low in the first place?. Did you also grow up with a parent who drank too much?.

It’s the children I feel sorry for in all this because their father is a drunkard. You as their mother are not doing yourself any favours to then either in being your man’s codependent enabler and now you’re further lowering yourself by blaming you for his leaving. He never had any intention of marrying you and has led you a merry dance.

what is the situation re the finances and property?. Are you named on a mortgage or tenancy agreement!. Now you need to go back to work.

He’s done a number on you over the years if he has you thinking like you are now.

This.

You are in an abusive relationship. He has done such a number on you that you can’t see that you are not the one at fault here. You need to get away from him.

Op please look into freedom programs. You really need one to break this cycle of thinking you're at fault for the behaviour of an abusive man. You're not. Please start learning your value and worth.

Also, your children deserve better. Stop thinking of your relationship with this man and start thinking about protecting your children from a drunk.

He just wants a day of drinking in peace, he will inblock you when he has had enough of that. He is horrid.

@FlakyBrickTiger as you’ve mentioned them I took a look at your previous posts:

• he’s an alcoholic
• a nasty drunk
• has a massive cocaine habit
• you have very good reason to suspect him of cheating
• you have no intimacy because of some undisclosed hurtful thing he did you are struggling to move past
• he goes out frequently, leaving you to care for your shared children
• calls you a nag for making any type of comment or wanting to address his appalling behaviour
• has managed to convince you that you are unreasonable/angry/out of order for having the most basic of expectations of him

Why oh why do you want this awful man in your life? He is causing you nothing but stress and unhappiness. He has worn you down so much as to make you think this is all you deserve from him and that you can’t live without him.

Let him go

You will soon find that you are much calmer, happier and content without the constant arguments, unpredictable behaviour and awful belittling that comes from him. Protect your children by showing them that this is not what a healthy relationship looks like, they shouldn’t be exposed to this. You cannot fix him, you do not need him, he will only cause you more pain.

just had a moan because I feel jealous that I’m not the thing or person that makes him happy. He said he hasn’t really liked me for 10 years so I don’t feel great about myself but hoping it was just said in the moment but I am not that lucky.

You are right. He’s told and shown you he doesn’t like you let alone love you.
So if you actually love him as much as you say , let him go. It’s what he wants.

Go to the council ask for help with housing. Look for work whilst that’s happening. Ask your friends and family with support. Take some control of your life but more importantly your poor kids.

Sorry you’re hurting OP. Sounds like he really could be done though. Not working can mean you have a helluva lot of time to ruminate and over think. There’s a lot to unpick. Sadly not being married means any break up not going to leave you very financially secure. You’ll likely need to get a job and juggle life as a working single Mum. Often a stay at home partner much happier about the situation than a DP is which can lead to resentment.
It’s interesting you say you are jealous of alcohol taking priority. He may or may not be an alcoholic, but could he be using it as an escape… and have you been a bit more needy lately and he’s been avoidant and pulling away compounding the cycle? If so, any apology or imploring him for another chance likely to push him further away. It’s horrible to hear hurtful things and to lose the future you hope for but situation not great as it is and just hoping whatever happens you find the strength to get through. Give him his space for now.

It's not all your fault, you will have a better life without your partner and the chances of his wanting to have the children with him even part of the time are very small.

You need to put the kids first.
They don't need to grow up seeing a toxic relationship.
He will probably choose drink over seeing his kids so i wouldn't worry about them being away from you much.
And if he has said he has not liked you for 10 years then nothing you say or do will change that.
He is not worth it.

I read your previous posts.Why are you still with him?

You have been damaged by your piece of shit partner for years and years. You cannot see what is normal anymore. Do not speak to him until you are stronger. If he wants to see the children, arrange for someone else to hand over. Do not be there. Do not read messages. Go see your doctor and tell her you need counselling.

I'm sorry, but how much money does it cost, if both people involved really want marriage, to have a simple registry office ceremony? I believe kids are allowed!
I deeply sympathize with you (and think your partner is, frankly, horrible) but there is such a thing as sticking one's head in the sand.
Do not waste one more tear on this man.

Go make an appointment to see a solicitor tomorrow.