Page 2 | Dating advice - he is not getting physical with me (date 5)

Monicale · 2025-05-25T18:40:02+00:00

Hi everyone, I wanna ask for advice . I'm dating this amazing guy (he is 37). We had 5 dates . On first we got bit tipsy and kissed a lot (it was amazing. Since then we have been doing sober dates (cinema, walk, dinner, went concert). I am dreaming of kissing him every time we are together it really occupies my mind (I’m definitely very physical person with high sex drive)...I try to kiss him, but it ends up as small closed lips kiss. He is sweet - opens doors, pays, plans dates, but is not really physical . I asked him twice and he says he needs connection to be physical but says he is affectionate once in relationship . I'm 39 and never ever had to beg for affection and I always have sex by date 3. I'm just worried he is not into me. I suck at initiating, but tried with little success over last few weeks. I just don't know if this is normal . Should I talk about it more (I don't be pushy as I already mentioned it before?!), let him take a lead ? But by now he should surely if he wanted to. Is this normal, what should I do? I’m just worried he is generally not affectionate (otherwise I’m happy to wait of course). Anyone ever experienced this in man did they turn up affectionate with high sex drive ? I always had opposite kind of men where it was big flames in the beggining..

TwistedWonder · 25/05/2025 20:37

Init4thecatz · 25/05/2025 20:29

Lol... the classic MN double standards at play again.

If a man came on here saying its been 5 dates and was moaning why he hasn't gotten laid (sorry for the phrasing!), he'd be beaten to a pulp! "Why is it important to you, she wants to take her time, it's not all about sex, you're a sleeze, don't pressure her"... you know that's how it would be.

Can't he just actually mean what he said? He doesn't want to just jump into bed. He wants to feel a real connection before sleeping with someone. Sex is intimate and important to some people. For some, it's not something you just do on date 3 (sorry), it's a REAL connection. You wouldn't be be putting someone's name on your deeds without love, time, trust, and security, so why is something as important as sex any different?

But even if it's not the truth, there are hundreds of other reasons.

Not into you
Married
Insecurity
Asexual
Just not 'ready'
Not manscaped
Planning romance (rose petals on the bed...)
Dirty house (sh!t. I can't let her see it this way!)
Small penis (wanting you to love him so you'll be more likely to overlook it)

Hang in there.

💯- some of the comments because some people don’t want sex until they know someone a bit better are shocking.

Its like unless you’re jumping into bed after spending a few hours in contrived company, there must be something wrong

AtomicBlondeRose · 25/05/2025 21:31

But it’s not jumping into bed, he won’t even kiss her!

wrongthinker · 25/05/2025 21:34

It's not that there's anything wrong with wanting to go slowly. But the fact that he hasn't communicated his interest in OP suggests that he isn't interested. Any time you are wondering if a man you're dating actually likes you... he doesn't. Because men who like you don't leave you wondering, don't make you confused, and don't make you chase them while they run away.

The other issue is that even if he did like her but just wanted to take things slow, she wants to move fast, so they are mismatched.

wrongthinker · 25/05/2025 21:35

AtomicBlondeRose · 25/05/2025 21:31

But it’s not jumping into bed, he won’t even kiss her!

And he hasn't been pursuing her romantically. It seems like he just has no interest - or for some twisted reason wants her to think he has no interest.

OP just end it and find someone who likes you!

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 25/05/2025 21:40

Motheroffive999 · 25/05/2025 20:36

Go on one more date, wear a short skirt , tell him you have no knickers on .Ditch him if he doesn't make a move.

Definitely don't do this.

SpottedDonkey · 25/05/2025 21:42

Init4thecatz · 25/05/2025 20:29

Lol... the classic MN double standards at play again.

If a man came on here saying its been 5 dates and was moaning why he hasn't gotten laid (sorry for the phrasing!), he'd be beaten to a pulp! "Why is it important to you, she wants to take her time, it's not all about sex, you're a sleeze, don't pressure her"... you know that's how it would be.

Can't he just actually mean what he said? He doesn't want to just jump into bed. He wants to feel a real connection before sleeping with someone. Sex is intimate and important to some people. For some, it's not something you just do on date 3 (sorry), it's a REAL connection. You wouldn't be be putting someone's name on your deeds without love, time, trust, and security, so why is something as important as sex any different?

But even if it's not the truth, there are hundreds of other reasons.

Not into you
Married
Insecurity
Asexual
Just not 'ready'
Not manscaped
Planning romance (rose petals on the bed...)
Dirty house (sh!t. I can't let her see it this way!)
Small penis (wanting you to love him so you'll be more likely to overlook it)

Hang in there.

Spot on. The double standards on MN are pathetic.

Definitely invite him back to your place, OP, and make it clear that you’re up for sex. Then you will have your answer, one way or the other. Good luck!

AliasGraced · 25/05/2025 21:47

TipsyJoker · 25/05/2025 20:30

Is he autistic? The lack of touching and eye contact could be a sign that he’s autistic perhaps?

Edited

That’s what I would think.

AliasGraced · 25/05/2025 21:50

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 25/05/2025 21:40

Definitely don't do this.

Show quote history

Really bad idea.

GoodVibesHere · 25/05/2025 21:51

I couldn't be dealing with the lack of kissing, it would be a turn-off.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 25/05/2025 21:57

Monicale · 25/05/2025 19:52

yes I’m planning to invite him to mine next time (he temporarily moved to his parents - we live in expensive city he is saving for mortgage).

that’s a thing. He borrows me coat when I’m cold (he even brings spare blanket because I get cold often so he does super sweet things). However, no compliments, no long eye contacts, not much touching - I kind of have to really lean in with my short dress for him to touch me at least a little bit , no flirting over text …

Why does he take your coat??

SchrodingersTwat2 · 25/05/2025 21:58

Strangerthanfictions · 25/05/2025 20:21

I think she is using the borrow meaning lends

Show quote history

Eh?

Strangerthanfictions · 25/05/2025 22:03

SchrodingersTwat2 · 25/05/2025 21:58

Eh?

Show quote history

She means he lends me a coat

Original poster

Monicale · 25/05/2025 22:04

Btw one of you mentioned the small penis - that’s my worry at this point as when we were kissing the first night and it became very
passionate and when I reached down it seemed super small (obviously I was tipsy, maybe he wasn’t fully hard but still…)

OP posts:

WildestDreamsSunset · 25/05/2025 22:16

I had seven lovely, romantic dates with someone and it did not progress. Date six, he invited me over to his, meal at a nice restaurant, I thought something may happen but it didn’t! He delayed going back to his by going for drinks after the meal and then a walk around his small village. i was driving home so it was then too late, but I think this was his intention to delay things. He had a very small penis too , so although I know he fancied me, I think he had insecurities. By date seven, it just felt so platonic and I wanted a BF not a male friend.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 25/05/2025 22:19

He lives with his parents… are you expecting to go back there for sex? Invite him to yours and see what happens. But honestly? You’ve had 5 dates, he told you he needs a connection so what’s the rush?

Crushed23 · 25/05/2025 22:21

I had the exact same experience last year, OP. 4 dates, a quick kiss at the end of the date from date 2, but he didn’t seem to want to progress things. He suggested a mid-week dinner date for date 5 when we would have both had work the next morning, so I knew it was going to be the same nonsense as before so I pulled the plug on the whole thing.

I think how fast someone wants to progress in dating is a sign of (in)compatibility.

I would throw this one back.

SpunkySquid · 25/05/2025 22:21

He sounds sweet. You sound a bit desperate tbh.

BrendaSmall · 25/05/2025 22:24

Monicale · 25/05/2025 22:04

Btw one of you mentioned the small penis - that’s my worry at this point as when we were kissing the first night and it became very
passionate and when I reached down it seemed super small (obviously I was tipsy, maybe he wasn’t fully hard but still…)

Oh ffs!!

you’re sounding more and more desperate with every post you do!!!

HerosAreUs · 25/05/2025 22:29

Maybe he's autistic? Or super nervous/shy?
Surely if he wasn't into you he wouldn't be bothering with the dates and all the sweet gestures. He sounds a decent guy. I would invite him to yours and have a few drinks ... See what happens.

AliasGraced · 25/05/2025 22:31

What is the desperate urgency to have sex? It’s odd.

Matchalattetime · 25/05/2025 22:33

It could be any number of reasons that pp have suggested ranging from, he genuinely wants to take things slow or he is dating others to he just isn’t that into you!

I find it strange that some people expect sex “by date 3” though.

Personally I’d be fine with no sex at this stage but I’d be worried if it seems he may not be affectionate at all. I like hand holding, gentle touches on my shoulder, back, knee, waist etc and good eye contact.

In my experience if those things aren’t there early on they don’t appear later.

It may be different for this man though.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 25/05/2025 22:40

Monicale · 25/05/2025 22:04

Btw one of you mentioned the small penis - that’s my worry at this point as when we were kissing the first night and it became very
passionate and when I reached down it seemed super small (obviously I was tipsy, maybe he wasn’t fully hard but still…)

To be honest that’s a bit grim that you groped him the first time you kissed. If a man groped me the first time he kissed me he’d be dumped.

MidnightMeltdown · 25/05/2025 22:40

WildestDreamsSunset · 25/05/2025 22:16

I had seven lovely, romantic dates with someone and it did not progress. Date six, he invited me over to his, meal at a nice restaurant, I thought something may happen but it didn’t! He delayed going back to his by going for drinks after the meal and then a walk around his small village. i was driving home so it was then too late, but I think this was his intention to delay things. He had a very small penis too , so although I know he fancied me, I think he had insecurities. By date seven, it just felt so platonic and I wanted a BF not a male friend.

You mean like a micro penis? Poor guy, that must be so difficult.

I had the opposite problem once. Guy had an absolutely ginormous penis! I was horrified when I saw it. I thought that’s never gonna fit 🤣🤣

Hollyhedge · 25/05/2025 22:45

in my experience this has meant there is an issue: person is preoccupied with break up/ not sure and dragging it out etc. Might not be that but I’d trust your gut after a few more dates. If he has a low sex drive that would be a problem too, I presume…

Ginspiration · 25/05/2025 22:48

I have experienced this, very passionate first dates... then a completely platonic sleepover.. there were a few clues that suggested it might also be a small penis issue. It felt like he wanted me emotionally/romantically tied in before he revealed it. It would necessarily have been a problem.. but the rapid change in passion made me feel uncomfortable and trapped!