WIBU to tell SIL to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

[CarrOnRegardless]

She’s dropped her two off again with just a “can you just take them with DD, ta xx” text. No please, no warning, just assumed I’d be fine with it. One of them threw up in the bloody ball pit last time and I had to do the explaining and apologising while she swanned off “shopping”.

I get it’s always easy with kids but this is every other weekend now and I’m getting properly fed up. DD loves her cousins and I don’t want to cause drama but I’m not a free babysitting service. WIBU to say no next time, or at least tell her to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

Then don't actually go to soft play. Go to the park. Or a different soft play. I mean, you could have a lot of fun with this and let's face it, it would brighten up the boredom of soft play at least.

Just say you don’t have the energy for any extra children. Not up to it. Want some one on one time. No need to make up lies. And yes ask her to take yours one day.

No I can't so don't drop them off-

I wouldn't be at the soft play of course 😂

I would be well away and leave her to it. Last minute change of plans after saying you couldn't have her kids, it happens!

This.

This. Clear and concise.

that can't work if the CF is gone shopping or whatever she's doing making the most of her free childcare

Just tell her you weren't expecting her when she arrives, and that you've made plans for the day. 'It's lovely for the kids to spend time together but a quick message beforehand, to check what might work, would be great - maybe you'd like to take them all somewhere next time?'

In the group chat beginning on Monday:
”We’re leaving at 11am next Saturday. Any earlier and the kids can’t sleep in and get a good rest and meal before we leave.”
Make a point of letting everyone know you’re leaving at 11.
Then slip out without her knowledge at 9:30 or 10am.
If she confronts you, simply say “Oh, we changed our minds.”
If you throw her off the track each week, she might give up out of frustration.
Or you could simply tell her you don’t want to drag her kids around any more.

Yikes! You really need to learn to say No and mean it.

I'd swing this to your advantage. I would put in the group chat that its great being able to get out without the kids and so you two should work together. She has the kids one week and you take them the next for a few hours so you both get some "you" time as you struggle with it too?

She will either agree or run for cover.

You pussy! 😀

Learn to say no to cf requests.

Or put her in touch with me if you like. I'll tell her if you wont.

Don't open the door. Say no. Beat her at her own game, drop yours off at hers next weekend. She's definitely a cf but you're a wet lettuce.
If I were you I'd try to use it to my advantage and work out a reciprocal childcare arrangement.

My god, she’s cheeky as fuck but you really have to tell her no. No game playing or sneaking, just a firm no. It doesn’t need to be confrontational, just tell her no and carry on with your day.

This is entirely on you OP. You’re letting it happen by your lack of spine. She’s a cheeky fucker and will continue to be a cheeky fucker. Up to you whether or not you let her walk all over you.

She sent a text this morning asking
you appear to have said “sure”
if I’m wrong, what did you actually respond?

You don't want to cause trouble so you let her walk all over you. Say NO Op, it's easy, just say you want the day to yourself and your DC. The more often you let her get away with it, the more often she'll do it. What's she doing on the days she foists her DC on you?

I was wondering this too

Totally this! Just to see look on her face

Is it because you don’t dare to look bad in the family group chat?

Do you want your children to take after you and be doormats? Because they probably will, if their mother thinks using the word no is the same thing as causing drama.

I would definitely ask her to take them somewhere next time. If she refuses, just laugh if she ever asks again. If she says yes (and looks after yours reasonably well, which isn't a given) then you've got a mutual babysitting setup which could be a godsend one of these days.

OP said she wrote it in the family group chat?

I’d stop sharing your plans with her. She is being very rude.
I’d still have her DC over when it suits you as your DC enjoys their company.

Next time say look you come too as it is too much in my own.