WIBU to tell SIL to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

[CarrOnRegardless]

She’s dropped her two off again with just a “can you just take them with DD, ta xx” text. No please, no warning, just assumed I’d be fine with it. One of them threw up in the bloody ball pit last time and I had to do the explaining and apologising while she swanned off “shopping”.

I get it’s always easy with kids but this is every other weekend now and I’m getting properly fed up. DD loves her cousins and I don’t want to cause drama but I’m not a free babysitting service. WIBU to say no next time, or at least tell her to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

And you just agreed? Why wouldn’t you just reiterate it’s a no?

Get in now and say, on the group chat 'are you taking all the kids next week SIL? I've done it a few times now'.

She'll probably make an excuse but then you can in future say 'No, because you don't ever return the favour'. Next week say you're not going as you've got other things on. Break the pattern.

Also, do any of the kids' dads take them anywhere at the weekends, or is it all on the mums?

This requires the most rudimentary of a spine

“no can do, we have plans”

can you take them too?” but it’s never really a question, more like an assumption.

you see the “?” At the end of that text Op? That’s the clue it’s a question

SIL = your DH's sister or
SIL = your brothers wife?

I'm not entirely sure what that matters. If it was DH's sister I'd probably tell him to take all the kids
If it's your brothers wife tell him he'll need to have them cause you're not taking them to soft play

I’ve made excuses a couple of times but she either ignores it or drops them anyway

Drops them where OP?

Message her on a Friday pm!! “Dear CF, as I have had your kids for the last 4 weeks on the trot, I think it’s my turn for some me-time! I’ll drop dd off with you at 10 on Saturday. Many thanks”

Just stop sharing information regarding what you’re going to be doing…….it’s not rocket science……..STOP telling her your plans and get on with your own social plans with your own child.

say NO

When she turns up with them, open the door and tell her that it doesn't work for you to have them today. Block the door with your foot if you have to.

Don't give her any excuses as that just opens an opportunity for her to argue. Say no and shut the door.

Locate your back bone and say no.

You know you're not BU to say no, OP.

A breezy 'Sorry, no - that doesn't work for us today' will suffice.

If she's a cheeky enough cow to ask why just say you're busy. If she pushes again just say 'Do I really need to give you a full run-down of my plans for the day?' and if she's an enormous twat enough to say 'Yes' then reply 'Well I'm not going to'.

She will rip the piss as long as you allow her to.

Defo a good idea to hold your cards a little closer to your chest re plans on the group chat.

Excellent. Put in the group chat that it's her turn next week and you'll drop yours in. She'll swerve you for a bit.

She is a CF extraordinaire.
Texting is your friend.

Please think about why you are worried about "keeping the peace" does this mean if you say no to her she will kick off? Your DH or Brother will kick off?
Why do you feel you cannot say no to her? Have a think about this.
Luckily for you I think she's now pushed her luck a step too far and you are mad enough to stand up for yourself.
You are going to have to say no. No excuses, or apologies.. Just
I can't do that. /I don't want to do that./ I'm not your unpaid, unappreciated babysitter/ Sorry but I've already made it clear I'm not going to do it... you are taking advantage of my good nature. / You know you are taking the p**s don't you?

And she WILL kick off. but LET HER..
You are quite within your rights so ( in the words of Bob)stand up for your rights.
You are not her personal servant.. but she will make you one until you say no and shrug off the consequences of saying no and learn not to care about her extreme disappointment that she can't have her own way and boss you around.

She is the one at fault here and anyone who doesn't back you up on this is also in the wrong.

As your children grow older your are going to have to advocate for them and stand up for them so start practicing now.
Do not allow "Oh but they are cousins" emotional appeals. "Yes they are cousins.. and I am happy for them to see each other.. but not to have them dumped on me without even asking"

Dear CF SIL.

I've looked after your children at the weekends for X weeks in a row now.
You ignore me when I say I have other plans.
You seem to think its OK to just drop them off anyway without even asking.
It is not. Please stop doing this. I am not an unpaid childcare service and I have my own plans at weekends.

Let her kick off. (She should be worried about you kicking off!)
Don't let her suggest looking after yours either because she'll do it once and then carry on imposing on you.
And if anyone else weighs in... tell them you are well within your rights and she is taking advantage of you. You simply asked her to stop doing that. You don't see what the fuss is about. etc. on repeat.

Hope it works out.
Best of luck.

CFs are like sharks. Blood in the water and they come in. Got to say no. Keep quiet about trips, prearranged things. I presume this CF doesn't go anywhere or just stays quiet so no one knows she is out doing things

You need to write back and say 'I had your kids the last two Saturday mornings, can you take mine out for a treat this weekend please'

And then if she says no and asks again say

No it's your turn not mine

Maybe the Op doesn’t want this woman looking after her children. I know I wouldn’t

I don’t think that will do the trick at all

You definitely are a free babysitting service. But it’s your choice to be one.

Put that you are going to soft play that afternoon on the family chat, say 'no' when she text, usually in the morning

from the car when you are leaving the house for the day.

You won't even be there when she tries to drop. I know I am petty, but I would totally do that.

that's such a bizarre suggestion, how would that have any effect in any way?

She sounds like such a cf, I bet she’d then drop them at soft play!

Absolutely. I don't think OP has been entirely honest on this thread because she has clearly agreed to babysit SIL's children for free. SIL isn't a mind reader and OP hasn't actually said No.

What!?

So weird. 😂