WIBU to tell SIL to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

[CarrOnRegardless]

She’s dropped her two off again with just a “can you just take them with DD, ta xx” text. No please, no warning, just assumed I’d be fine with it. One of them threw up in the bloody ball pit last time and I had to do the explaining and apologising while she swanned off “shopping”.

I get it’s always easy with kids but this is every other weekend now and I’m getting properly fed up. DD loves her cousins and I don’t want to cause drama but I’m not a free babysitting service. WIBU to say no next time, or at least tell her to take her own bloody kids to soft play for once??

You need to get in first next Saturday and drop your dc off at 10 am...

is there a reason why don't say no?

How did she know you were off to soft play? Just tell her you aren't going for a while as you've a busy few weeks.

Stop telling her your plans and if she says she's dropping her kids off tell her no!

Dropped them off where?

Why didn't you just say no we have plans today

Why are you putting up with this bollocks?

Next time she texts, say funny i was going to ask you to take mine for a change as im busy...

Why didn’t you say no? You are going to have to be blunt here, since she’s clearly one of those ultra-CF types who have skin thicker than rhino hide. Tell her you’re not doing it any more! If she brings them again, say “no, I’m not taking them today. You would have known that if you’d asked.”

How is she doing this in such a way that you don't have time to say no? Presumably the text comes first? Are you agreeing at some point?

To do this, she must know the exact time you’re leaving the house? How?

How are they getting into your house and car? You must be answering the door to her?

Also, if this is your dhs sister, then his family being taken too, means it switches to his responsibility

I would tell all the children that you're tidying the house today, so they can help with that. And send photos to your SIL of her two dusting and scrubbing.

Kids like that sort of thing, strangely (at least for 10 minutes or so), but it will make her much less likely to leave them with you in future.

I would then get a round of Happy Meals, ice-cream and sweets in and send another photo "Reward for being such good little helpers!"

That should do the trick.

Thanks all - I know I need to say no, I really do. I think I’ve just been trying to keep the peace but it’s got silly now. Yes, she texts first, usually in the morning, and just says something like “can you take them too?” but it’s never really a question, more like an assumption. I’ve made excuses a couple of times but she either ignores it or drops them anyway and says “oh they’ll be fine, you won’t even notice the difference”.

She knew we were going to soft play because I mentioned it in the family group chat - won’t be doing that again.

and every time you fall in with her wishes you are reinforcing her view that mags doesn’t need to ask you.

surprise her. You can do it.

Yes, this. There’s no cheeky fucker without a wet lettuce to accommodate them. Find your voice.

No, she needs to just tell her no and nip this in the bud once and for all. She shouldn't be playing indirect games with SIL that just drags it longer than necessary.

@CarrOnRegardless the next time she texts tell her no you cannot take the kids. Keep it brief, straight to the point and firm. If she tried to push frankly I would just ignore her because I don't care if she gets upset or not but if you're not comfortable being that brash you can make up an excuse. Repeat for the next few weeks until she gets the point but if you want this resolved quickly you will need to be direct.

When you say SIL is she your brothers wife or your DH's brothers wife?

Why are you worried about keeping the peace when she clearly isn't. Strong boundaries and stick to them. Only way this will work

No

And to add, if she ignores your text and still shows up tell her NO she needs to take her kids. If you are firm with her once, twice she will get the message and look for someone else she can pawn her kids off to.

Stop telling her your plans in advance.

The ta alone would make me say no

Pile them in the car and take them home, every single time.

Wow kudos to your SIL - epic CF there - she should get an award!

How old are her kids? Do you need car seats?
Next time tell her it is her turn to take them all.

Nobody has done this to me once, let alone multiple times, no?! You need to stop telling people where you are going and start saying 'no' to things!