Starting a relationship with a recent widower

[IslaSkywalker]

What would you think about starting a relationship with a man whose wife died giving birth to their stillborn baby six months earlier?

I’d think it was a terrible idea. He’s either still grieving or simply incapable of being alone. Neither of those are green flags.

Edited to remove reference to baby! I misread, which is completely my error. Thanks to those who pointed it out.

He lost and wife and his child

Did you understand the stillborn part? FGS

I dont think I woild as I would feel he stoll needed a lot of processing. However I slo know of a couple who did get together after 8 months of wife passing away car crash here snd it did workout. However husband in this case went to councelling tl digest stuff and I ssupect that helped

No way.

I wouldn’t go there if you paid me. His emotions will be far too raw and you risk being his rebound fling/unpaid therapist/ comfort blanket.

I think you’d be setting yourself up for heartbreak

I think you’d be his comfort woman.

I don't think this would be a great idea. I'm a widow myself. I lost him a year ago in march and I'm nowhere near ready to date.

If you just want a casual fling or some fun then go ahead but if you are looking for something serious it's very unlikely to work out.

I’d think it was deeply unwise.

I don’t think it would be an easy relationship, for either party.

I’d hope that they’d take it very, very slowly and keep it light rather than intense.

I’d hope that they don’t start referring to themselves as partners for several years.

all of this is on the presumption that there aren’t other children involved. If there are, then they’re both stupid and selfish.

i’d also be concerned that the deceased wife’s family will be extremely hurt.

if I were then, I’d keep it to friendship for a long time.

The fact is that in the event of a partners death men move on so quickly.
I met my husband 15 months after he lost his partner … no children involved.
it does not mean he is wrong to date but you need to be open and honest with each other and I would take it very very slowly.

No. I met mine 4 years after the death of his wife (never mind a child) and he was still raw at times

Nope.

Met my husband 8 years after his wife died and he was still devastated. So can you ever put s timeline on these things? Im going to go against the grain and say why not start with friendship and see where it goes? He deserves some comfort and a chance of some happiness

I’ve read the faster a man moves on the happier he was in the relationship. Idk if that is true. I think if you do proceed, I would take it gently and slowly and expect him to need to lean on you at times to process his feelings. It’s normal and natural to grieve a deceased partner even when dating a new one. This is how some people move on. Other people work further through their grief first before moving on. Some never move on. Others never date again.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer really. I’d certainly be wary but never say never.

No. Just no.

Jeez no way & he's gotta be very messed up or a proper fruitcake to even consider it.

That's trauma that will be with him for a long time.

No way. Besides you'd just be a rebound, you could be anybody. It's not a relationship I'd want to be in.

It’s a difficult one. My DSis is marrying her ex SIL widower this year. I know, complicated but they have known each other for 40yrs and her SIL was also her best friend. They quietly supported each other through the bereavement and a relationship developed. My DF did the same after my DM died, and my BIL is very tentatively in a new relationship with a very old friend who was widowed. It is 10 months since my DSis died. I think because all these relationships are firmly based on pre existing friendships then it just seems right. I was so pleased that my BIL has been able to move on, he is quite introverted, possibly neurodiverse, and I think he would have happily stayed single, but deserves happiness after the last few years.

I think that I would proceed with great caution and possibly not at all if you didn’t know him before hand. Not all families will be happy and since he’s probably a young man it may be just support that he needs. But it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out. Bereavement makes us do some strange things.

I always think that if you have experienced a happy successful marriage and lost your spouse you are much more likely to remarry/enter a new relationship quickly.

No darling. Don't go near it.

Likelihood is he's looking for distraction from his grief and not really dealing with it.

Although some people do move on quickly, as if getting another hamster.

Are you both of childbearing age OP and are you interested in having children? I have never dated a widow but it’s 50/50 as far as I can tell. Some definetly date early but date casually while others seem to date and remarry quickly. I have seen this from age 40 to 80s!!. I have never known a young widow or had a friend date a young widow. I think I tend to be negative…they can’t manage on their own (have seen this with both sexes) so remarry quickly and I have had friends date widows and it’s an endless storyline of the beloved much grieved wife even the he is dating /having sex with /being cared for by another woman. It didn’t work out for either of my female friends.

Way too soon. He’s not passed the ‘firsts’ yet - first birthday, Christmas, anniversary of death etc. Also, the nature of this death is even more emotive.

Realistically I wouldn’t expect it to last long, it might just be a distraction for him while he grieves.

if there are children in the mix, ie he has other kids who are still alive, don’t go there.

if not, and you’re not bothered about being in it for the long haul, crack on.