should i cancel my operation?

[ohdearohdear]

M few days ago, i finally booked my breast reduction op. (see my other threads!) dh has arraanged to take 3 wks off This is the only time of year dh can take 3 weeks off . Then yesterday, his mum called to say his brother is getting married - on the same day as my op!!!! This was completely unexpected and dh has told his mum that i'm having an op that day so we won't be able to go. I feel really guilty about it but if i cancel my op, i'll have to wait another year (because of dh's time off work)Dh isn't close at all to his brother and can go only see him when we see his mum and dad. Never calls him and went years not seeing him at all. Not because they don't get on, just because they're very different and have nothing in common! Should i cancel my op??

I cannot believe that people are suggesting that the OP should be alone in the hospital!!! Of course her DH must be with her - i would have not had my gallbladder op if i couldn't have my DP with me when i had the op. He had to not be there when i woke up because he had to attend to dd (3m) and i was distraught.

I was put in an awful position actually as i had already booked my daughters christening, then THEY postponed my op. I didn;t want to be put in a position where i couldnt hold dd for her christening so i asked to change it - i was told in no uncertain terms that i would be back at the bottom of the list with a potential six month to a year wait. This was NHS mind. Not sure how it goes for private.

OK so the OP is havinga "boob job" but its a reduction, i would have thought most people only have this for health reasons. I am a BIG girl, but i love my boobies, so the only reason i would consider reducing was if they were giving me back ache etc.

I'm sure the brother will be disappointed, but the OP says they are not close - maybe they could put their wedding back or forward a week??? I would have thought this easier to arrange than changing surgery time. Maybe the brother should have consulted with the members of the family that were important to be there if it was that important. Or maybe the brother is OK with it and is sensible, kind and understanding.

It's okay to put youself first sometimes, ohdearohdear.

I have had - gall bladder surgery, two biopsies under general, 3 IVF egg colelction under general. Never had anyone there when I woke up - I can;t say it was that big a problme. All I wanted was pain-killers and nurses!

I was 18 and had an appendectomy, woke up alone, my mum dropped by in the afternoon during visitation hours. No big deal.

A breastreduction is not a lifesaving op where something can go wrong, etc. It is fine to wake up on your own, and your dh will be with you shortly after.

But I think this is the kind of situation where you have to talk to your BIL and the rest of the family and find out what they think, if it bothers him, or not, if your inlaws will be mortally defended for the next decade, etc. And you have time enough to find out.

lucyellensmum - calm down dear !

It really depends on the inidividual as to whether they could manage emotionally without their partner/whoever by their side when they are in hospital.

You clearly couldn't but believe me many others can and do, some in a very self-less way because their dh/dw is required to look after children/ keep things running smoothly at home.

The patient's physical needs should be attended to by medical/nursing staff and if the patient is fairly well balanced emotionally there really isn't a problem with just seeing family at visiting time.

dh is going to see if he can get special permission to have the time off later. we know that his brother probably won't be that bothered about us coming (he hasn't called after all!) but i feel so stressed about the probs it will cause with his mum and dad that i feel i should change the date of the op.

Maybe it's a bit much to rearrange my op just for his mum & dad - would be different if his brother had called, but we doubt he's be bothered

why not talk to brother directly and see how he reacts - then you can say to paretns - we have dicussed with Bro and he says fine...

There is no way you will cope at home with your ds on your own after a breast op (my dd1 had to stay with my mum for 2 weeks while dp looked after me) so if this is the only time your dh can have time off then you have no choice imo.

I would have it done and get it over with so you can start to recover and get back to normal (which takes a long time btw)

This is not so much about your DH's brother's wedding it is as about his Mum and Dad seemingly putting some pressure on your husband to attend it. Your parents seem to have a bad case of keeping up appearances.

Your DH should be speaking to his Mum and Dad and gently explain to them that you his wife is his first priority. No arrangements on your part should be changed to primarily suit his Mum and Dad. After all you have not heard your BIL to be moan.

If you were to cancel the operation you'll have to wait a long while for them to reschedule it (for a start the surgical team, theatre time and anaethestologist will need to be rebooked. Not worth the hassle for one day).

I would not change your op because of your ILs.

It sounds like you have been planning this a long time!

'A breastreduction is not a lifesaving op where something can go wrong, etc. It is fine to wake up on your own, and your dh will be with you shortly after.'

This operation is a long procedure. It is NOT and in no way a minor procedure and, as with any operation involving GA and that much cutting, there can be complications.

Her DH has decided he would spend the time with his wife instead, his brother hasn't even bothered to call, don't see why she should change an op that has a HUGE wait list for that you have to prove is causing your serious health problems to get on the NHS.

It's not 'just a boob job'. The NHS wouldn't pay for it if it were and it's a far, far more complex procedure to have a reduction than an augmentation.

Thanks - how did your op go Lovemygirls? what was it like afterwards & now? Dh has told his mum & dad that i'm his priorty and he's happy for me not to change op date. It was my idea to try to change it because i feel guilty about missing the wedding. Going privately so, can change op date to a fe weeks later, but only if dh can get time off and not sure if my sis can help then either

I had a blot clot after mine and had to have a blood transfucsion I was on morphine for the pain I really needed my family around me at that time I wouldn't have wanted to go through it alone, I needed a lot of emotional support as it affected me more deeply than I had imagined.

I don't regret it though so not trying to put you off ODOD

i was told i might get it done on nhs but ironically booked to go private as then we could choose the most convenient time for me & dh and getting help, etc..... and then this happens

oh no poor us lovemygirls. when did you have yours done? how long did it take to get back to lifting your dd, driving, etc?

look, it sounds like you and your DH have worked it out what is best for you.

as girls pointed out, you really need your family around after the op.

if his brother can't even bother to call to tell his own brother the news, i don't see why you should change it.

i agree expat - it's just my guilt. dh happy to keep things as they were. I'd fell differetly if he and his brother had a good relationship and HE had phoned. But i know i'm just worrying because of what his mum and dad will think. ( they don't know what the op is, just that i'm having an op and dh will need time off to look after me and ds afterwards)

At the time I was in a lot of pain and really couldn't do anything for the first few weeks thenI had to be very careful and nothing heavy, when I took the bandages off it wasn't good but 5 years on and i've healed quite well I wish the surgeon had let me be a D instead of a C because I was used to having a very big chest (G) and to go down to a C was a massive shock (obviously given the choice between a C or a G - or bigger if I had grown! I wanted to feel normal, they were too huge to manage and were giving me problems, I was put on the waiting list when I was 20 I dreaded to think how I would cope having them all my life or if I had waited 20 years)

Plan a shopping trip so you can buy yourself lots of pretty strappy tops to make yourself feel better.

You need some crop bra's for a few months before you can get underwired bra's.

Thanks lovemygirls, I'm a G too. I've said to surgeon that ideally i'd like to do down to D/DD as like you were ,i'm used to a large chest - but would like a more manageable size, etc. he said he can't guarantee what size i'll be when i've healed , etc but asked if i'd like ot go as small as poss (C/D) or aim for slightly bigger. Did you have yours done on NHS?

The more i thik about it, i'm getting quite annoyed with myself for changing our finely tuned and well thought out plans for his mum and dad, and esp as his brother hasn't even phoned

Yes I had mine on NHS he said he had to keep it in preportion to my size (i'm only 5ft 3) but he's taken so much off that one side doesn't really look right (at the sidewhere it's been joined back together) if he'd just done them a little bit bigger that wouldn't be so bad and I'd have been a lot happier with it if i'm honest.

Driving I waited about 10 weeks (only because I didn't drive anyway I had the op in july and passed my driving test in september) I got a seatbelt exemption certificate from july until january.

Any chance of you getting a cleaner to come in once your dh is back at work just for a few weeks? If you can't then you'll have to try and manage but if you can manage that then it would be helpful imo.

dh has managed to get 3 weeks off a few weeks later so i guess i should move the op so we can go to the wedding?

bump..