Boyfriend of 6 months takes hours to reply to messages (never used to). Is this normal?

[complicated789]

Is it normal for messaging to slow down after a while?? He’ll go on WhatsApp and not even open my message for hours. I think it’s until he has a chance to talk to me properly. But then I keep thinking it only takes 2 mins to reply. Am I being over sensitive because his lack of communication is making me feel like I’m not a priority anymore. He used to reply so much quicker.

People taking ages to reply to messages can be normal.
A boyfriend suddenly taking ages to reply and not even opening messages usually signals a slow pulling away unfortunately. And you’re made to feel like you’re going mad when you ask them about it.

And I don't live with my boyfriend (we are LAT): we message a lot, the amount that would make lots of MNers tell me we're too needy etc😂

Most of it's not earth-shaking news or anything, just sharing everyday stuff. If his contact levels dropped off, I'd know something was up.

This. I live with my soon to be husband and we message all day and he likes to phone me whenever he gets a spare 5 minutes. If he has a busy day where he can’t then he tells me that. If he suddenly stopped opening messages but still being online I’d be concerned.

I'm really sorry but I'd see it as a sign he's losing interest. I might sometimes take a while to reply to people but not someone I was dating, who I should be excited about seeing and developing feelings for. It's possible there may be another thing going on with him but I'd have to ask.

Are you sending him too many messages about things that aren't particularly urgent?

Doesn't have to be urgent when you're used to having ongoing conversations. Why do the messages have to have particular purpose?

This - it's not about hus messaging style in general, it's about the change.

6 months into a relationship I'm either still in the excited, 'loved up' stage, or I'm bored of them and taking longer and longer to reply to messages.

Not sure how to reply without being perceived as rude, but imho messages should always have a purpose.

Maybe that's how you use messaging, but as I said, I don't live with my boyfriend and we chat all day via messaging.

If we lived together we'd have conversations in person that weren't particularly for a purpose, just bonding and sharing.

The medium is different for us, that's all.

OP the red flag here is you worrying. Because he’s taking a little longer to respond. Not everyone can answer immediately and if he can see the preview maybe it doesn’t warrant a response? How many times a day are you messaging him? Are you smothering him and he is trying to find some breathing space?

Who is to say OPs boyfriend uses messaging like you use it either though?

I agree. I’ve never been involved with someone where we message pointless stuff . I also would never reply to messages during the working day.

Someone messaging numerous times a day would do my head in

So if you didn’t live with your partner you wouldn’t bother speaking to them unless it was a rare message with a purpose?

My last partner we had a phone call most evenings (just one call) but we weren’t messaging during day unless there was don’t important to say.

Certainly I have no interest in the ‘how’s your day going’ type stuff. I find it pointless but others are different.

Some men set the bar high in the early days so when they ease off it can leave you feeling anxious like this.

I do think a man that is interest wouldn’t purposely ignore you for hours though.

I'm not.

But for 6 months, OP and boyfriend have been messaging however they message (whether for chitchat or even super important purposeful messaging 😂) and the content of what OP is sending is unlikely to have changed.

But how he's responding has changed.

I would step back a little and observe him. There isn't any extra stuff he has on at the moment? I'd trust your gut op if you're feeling their is a change or a distance with him then there is.
Can you have a conversation about it? Equally if you're someone that needs more conversation then perhaps you just aren't well suited. You can end the relationship for any reason you like.

When I was dating the ones who were serious about wanting a relationship never left me guessing I knew exactly where I stood with them. The ones who I was just a option for always left me wondering or unsure if they would reply and when. Ergh I hate games. Life's too short for that op.

Surely you'd meet up or phone them too?

Yes, and he's maybe thinking the messaging is a tad excessive.

This is why I don't have read receipts and last seen on. I answer when I have time unless it's an emergency.

You're overthinking.

But he's on WhatsApp just as much.

Presumably interacting with friends, family etc, not just one person.

I think it's normal for the new relationship energy to fade and you settle into something a bit less exciting, but if you're getting a gut feeling he's changing towards you then tune into that. It would bother me too.

Bit rude if he's never given her any indication their communication was 'too much' before.

My husband is a first responder. I’m lucky to get a response back at all if that helps. He’s been one for entirety of our relationship and sometimes I wouldn’t hear back until he was off his shift.

If you guys have only been dating six months - the chase is over. I wouldn’t say that he’s talking to someone else. I would question if he’s going on to WhatsApp and just not responding to you. If he’s doing that, is he using WhatsApp for work and he’s busy and can’t prioritise your messages yet, or is he just choosing not to respond to you?

Are your messages positive, negative or just general reaching out like - how was your day kind of thing ?

How often are you messaging him ?

Is he still making plans with you or are you carrying the whole relationship with contact and scheduling dates ? If you are then back off and see what he does.