Boyfriend of 6 months takes hours to reply to messages (never used to). Is this normal?

[complicated789]

Is it normal for messaging to slow down after a while?? He’ll go on WhatsApp and not even open my message for hours. I think it’s until he has a chance to talk to me properly. But then I keep thinking it only takes 2 mins to reply. Am I being over sensitive because his lack of communication is making me feel like I’m not a priority anymore. He used to reply so much quicker.

There is no normal. Have a conversation with him and ask why he doesn’t message as much as he used to.
I agree, it takes two minutes to send a message, even if it’s just to say that he’s busy and he’ll call/message you later.

Explain to him your feelings about this. Stay calm, ask him why he doesn’t feel the need to message as often.

I think he’s messaging someone else, sorry.

You're overthinking this. I take ages to reply to messages as I wait until I’ve got time to respond properly and I’d rather other people on my life did the same than just reply for she of a quick response with a pointless message or an emoji.

So I’m with him on this. Not everything has to be instant and people do have lives to get on with.

Thanks. It’s comments like the one above yours that get me anxious

Completely normal. My husband can take days (if he replies at all), because he rarely remembers to look at his phone!

I take ages to reply. I actually open and read the messages though, which the ops partner is not doing. This would concern me. He’s not interested in what you have to say. 20 years on if my partner messages me I’ll read it instantly

I don’t read messages til I have time to respond either.

Though my settings on all messaging is private so no one can see if I’ve read them or not to avoid this sort of scenario

Are you sending important messages occasionally, or loads of insignificant messages?

People respond to messages in different ways. He might be messaging someone else but that doesn’t have to be a potential partner. I prioritise replying to certain people (like my DC’s) and wait to reply to others when I’ve got time as they’ll likely message back.
This is only an issue if there are concerns in the rest of the relationship. Is he pulling back in other ways or fine when you see each other?

You say this is not usual for him. I wouldn’t like to be at the bottom of the list either. Especially you’ve started relationship not that long ago. If it feels off, that means it’s off. I would just say to him. No point stressing about it. If he is no longer interested then it’s better to know sooner rather than later so he is not wasting your time. If there is any other reason, then you’ll put your mind at ease.

Posters saying that people respond in different ways, when was the last time you were in a new(ish) relationship? The change in how he responds is what’s ringing alarm bells here. Speak to him, but be prepared for what he’ll say. Every time this happened to me (and my mum/ married friends would tell me I was overthinking) it eventually heralded the end of the relationship.

I hate the idea that I'm required to respond if someone calls/messages, and an instant answer is needed, and would find it suffocating. So would be totally fine to me.

Nah. He’s cooling

I noticed a different pattern in my new boyfriend’s communication and my friends said I was being silly. Sure enough, he dumped me for another woman. Hopefully it’s not what this is but you’re not wrong to be concerned.

I am fresh out of a 15 year relationship so I don’t know the norm really

He has his notifications set so he can preview the message without opening it. Maybe what I say doesn’t warrant a response til later

Honestly, OP to paraphrase Miranda, "He's just not that into you". I think you need to move on.

Perhaps actually talk to him in person?

I can't stand all this messaging, it feels like I'm in a penalty shoot-out where a message can be interpreted in the wrong way and it's all over.

Depends on communication style, if he’s always been the same, slow to answer because he’s never checked it often perhaps you have different communication preferences or he used to be quick to message back but he’s cooling off and losing interest.

Dh doesn't bother replying to my messages so I don't bother 🤣 just call him if I need a quick response

The point isn’t about whose husband does or doesn’t take seconds or days to respond, the only relevance is the CHANGE.
if soneone changes from texting a lot, to not, then that means they are no longer as interested.

When they are keen they are keen and at the start I think almost everyone is on best behaviour. However different people have a very different view of messaging amounts.

How many messages are you batting back and forth in 24 hours?

What is your connection like? Do you feel confident to ask him about it?

Completely normal! I go with the thought process of if it's important and needs a quick reply then they'll call, if they message they're not requiring an immediate response

What has how someone's husband responds to messages or doesn't have to do with someone in the early stages of a relationship?! Presumably you live with your bloody husbands and see them daily. 🙄😂Jeez.

OP, I think if you're feeling like he's lost a bit of interest then it's worth a conversation, but if he doesn't up his game afterwards, you might be wise to start investing less in it yourself.