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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner invited to a family wedding without me

78 replies

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:05

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years. We have split up quite a number of times for various reasons but mostly due to family issues on his side. His children, who are 20 and 22 from his previous 20 year relationship, have never wanted to meet me and the daughter has pretty much cut her father out of her life since we have been together. The main issue, from what we understand, has come from my partner asking me out only 2 weeks after he had split amicably, must I add, with his ex. We also have a 20 years age gap. This was clumsy on his part as this really upset everybody in his life, especially his ex but they had agreed to split up. We can only assume thar the ex had a big part in turning not only his children against him but also family and friends. He has a sister and a brother. The sister has a wedding coming up in June and has always been nice to me. I have been to hers a few times, and we have been out a couple of times too. The brother, who I've also met a few times, however, has barely spoken to me. Him and his wife are close to the ex but so is the sister. After yet another recent break up and subsequently getting back together, my partner tells me about this imminent wedding which he or I knew nothing about until recenlty. It turns out that the reason we are hearing about this so late is because I am not invited due to the children and the ex being there... My partner however is invited. How am I supposed to feel about this, having never done anything wrong?

OP posts:

PlanetOtter · 12/05/2025 13:10

So you’ve got a short and turbulent relationship, which has caused family angst. Whatever the rights and wrongs, I can see why they don’t want you there. Don’t cause more angst - and decrease the likelihood of you being welcomed in the future - by making a fuss.

Mrsttcno1 · 12/05/2025 13:12

I don’t understand why you’re shocked by this. It’s been a short, on and off again relationship which has caused family upset- of course you’re not welcome.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 12/05/2025 13:13

I think it's obvious that his family don't see you as an established couple (frequent break ups in a 2 year relationship) and

I'm kind of surprised that you think you should have been invited. I do understand why you're upset, and I think I would too, but it's a fair reflection of your relationship with him and with them.

queenrollo · 12/05/2025 13:13

I wouldn't have invited you - you're not exactly a stable and permanent fixture in this man's life and certainly not established enough to be part of a family event.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 12/05/2025 13:14

You started dating a man who was out of his marriage for a matter of hours, break up frequently and have an enormous age gap? I don't think it would be a great idea for you to be invited.
Is there no better man in your own generation to date, enjoyably, rather than with all this baggage and drama?

arcticpandas · 12/05/2025 13:14

I would feel that it's perfectly normal as a on/off girlfriend that the children don't like for whatever reason to NOT be invited.

OhMyGollyGoshGosh · 12/05/2025 13:16

Lol.

I'd expect you to feel how most people in your position would, and that's of course you're not going to be invited given everything you've said.

SilverButton · 12/05/2025 13:17

Don't assume it's his ex who has turned the children against him. Given the circumstances it's likely they feel this way without any influence from her! 20 years younger and 2 weeks after he split with their mum - did you expect them to be happy about it?

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/05/2025 13:17

You’ve caused a lot of issues with his family, you know they don’t like you (and you don’t like them) and there’s a strong possibility that having you there is going to end with drama among other people they do like and care about. Surely you’re not surprised to not have an invitation? I wouldn’t invite you either. This isn’t a partnership, it’s an on-off drama between two two daft people who shouldn’t be in a relationship but don’t seem to be mature enough to realise it.

FishDancer · 12/05/2025 13:18

arcticpandas · 12/05/2025 13:14

I would feel that it's perfectly normal as a on/off girlfriend that the children don't like for whatever reason to NOT be invited.

Yes, it would be far more surprising if you were. No one wants to fund a plus one who is as much 'off' as she is 'on', and whose relationship has caused a lot of family upset.

Original poster

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:19

Please read the post carefully. Its because of the drama I have left the relationship multiple times. We wouldn't be on and off if it wasn't for them.

OP posts:

DeedlessIndeed · 12/05/2025 13:19

OP, as a side note - is this really the right relationship for you? Is it really worth the trouble of on-again, off-again. Breaking up isn't a rational way to regularly resolve issues and makes it seem like no-one is taking the relationship seriously.

I would not expect to be invited, because, without being facetious, how on earth are the bride and groom supposed to take your relationship seriously when you both are happy to end it, seemingly, on a whim.

pikkumyy77 · 12/05/2025 13:20

SilverButton · 12/05/2025 13:17

I agree with this. If my dear bro broke up with his wife of 30 years and started dating a teeny bopper half her age I wouldn’t invite her to family events. Especially not ones where my SIL and niblings were coming.

FaceOrf · 12/05/2025 13:20

It doesn’t sound like you’re in a serious relationship. You’ve broken up quite a few times in a short time and you’re twenty years younger? Why would you be invited you’re not really a serious long term partner and most of his family won’t speak to you.

DeedlessIndeed · 12/05/2025 13:21

Just seen your update OP.

But they aren't going away are they? DH isn't going to cut off his children and wider family for a new relationship. So what is the point of the back and forth and expecting it to be different?

Inbloom123 · 12/05/2025 13:21

I agree with the other posters. You’ve only been with him for 2 years and have split up a number of times. It’s not a very stable relationship. I can understand why they wouldn’t invite you.

Try to see it from his family’s perspective. Your frequent break-ups are not their fault. You can’t keep blaming them.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/05/2025 13:22

You're barely in a relationship with the man and none of his family like you. Why would you expect an invite?

Original poster

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:22

I haven't caused any drama. At the end of the day, he's the one who shouldn't be invited, as hes the one whose made some shitty choices. Not me. I have been nothing but nice to eveyone but eveyone else is not moving on from something that happened 2 years ago. He shouldn't have askee me out but I didn't know the situation do please dont get on top of me. Be a little bit logical here.

OP posts:

MaryGreenhill · 12/05/2025 13:23

I don't blame them for not inviting you tbh , it's not as if you are engaged or married or have a stable relationship in the past two years . How on earth can you be bothered with this turbulent relationship OP. Honestly l would be asking myself if it were really truly worth it.
Good luck in the future whatever happens.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/05/2025 13:24

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:19

Please read the post carefully. Its because of the drama I have left the relationship multiple times. We wouldn't be on and off if it wasn't for them.

You’re still an on-off girlfriend, much younger than they all are, and bluntly, they know that you’re unlikely to be on the scene for very long. They’re not going to be bothered about upsetting you, and they certainly aren’t going to prioritise you over your boyfriend’s children who are their actual family - you’ll be yesterday’s news soon enough as much as you don’t want to acknowledge that.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 12/05/2025 13:24

People are being logical.

MaggiesShadow · 12/05/2025 13:25

I don't know why you're assuming that his ex had anything to do with the children's feelings about this drama-fest!

And I don't know why you'd think they'd invite the on-again, off-again, sometimes together, half-his-age girlfriend to a family wedding!

outerspacepotato · 12/05/2025 13:25

Your relationship is short term, unstable, there's a 20 year age gap, and started the week after he broke up with his ex.

His family dislikes you. His kids refuse to meet you and one has gone NC.

Your expectations of inclusion are whack.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/05/2025 13:26

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:22

They don't need to move on.

As far as they're concerned, he was having an affair with you. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, that's what they'll believe. When a new girlfriend suddenly appears 2 weeks after a marriage ends, every one is going to put two and two together.

So you'll forever be the other woman in their eyes, and you still expect an invite?

saraclara · 12/05/2025 13:27

I don't understand. If you blame the family for all your troubles, why would you even want to go to this wedding?

Whatever the rights and wrongs, it would be unwise for you to be invited, and unwise for you to go.

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