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Original poster

Partner invited to a family wedding without me

78 replies

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:05

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years. We have split up quite a number of times for various reasons but mostly due to family issues on his side. His children, who are 20 and 22 from his previous 20 year relationship, have never wanted to meet me and the daughter has pretty much cut her father out of her life since we have been together. The main issue, from what we understand, has come from my partner asking me out only 2 weeks after he had split amicably, must I add, with his ex. We also have a 20 years age gap. This was clumsy on his part as this really upset everybody in his life, especially his ex but they had agreed to split up. We can only assume thar the ex had a big part in turning not only his children against him but also family and friends. He has a sister and a brother. The sister has a wedding coming up in June and has always been nice to me. I have been to hers a few times, and we have been out a couple of times too. The brother, who I've also met a few times, however, has barely spoken to me. Him and his wife are close to the ex but so is the sister. After yet another recent break up and subsequently getting back together, my partner tells me about this imminent wedding which he or I knew nothing about until recenlty. It turns out that the reason we are hearing about this so late is because I am not invited due to the children and the ex being there... My partner however is invited. How am I supposed to feel about this, having never done anything wrong?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 12/05/2025 13:28

Whilst acknowledging the hurt, above all who people invite to a wedding is their choice and should be respected. Sorry if that sounds blunt.

Original poster
MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:28

As usual this kind of thing is useless because theres too much detail that you don't know. Even before we split they were being difficult but they were still happy to have a relationship with him. Does that make sense? Hes the one who did the wrong thing. At the end of the day, I was just someone minding my own business who got asked out for a coffee. Next thing I know, tberes some big drama in his household over them finding that out but I didn't know anything about his situation. When you go on a date, do you kniw everything about someones life? Font think so. Imagine being single and being thrown into this yourself? I was innocent and he came running to me when everything went wrong so my bad, I know, for accepting him.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 12/05/2025 13:28

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:22

I haven't caused any drama. At the end of the day, he's the one who shouldn't be invited, as hes the one whose made some shitty choices. Not me. I have been nothing but nice to eveyone but eveyone else is not moving on from something that happened 2 years ago. He shouldn't have askee me out but I didn't know the situation do please dont get on top of me. Be a little bit logical here.

It’s his family, of course he’s invited.

You’re just some random he’s been shagging on & off for a year, you’re not a partner and you’re certainly not a committed couple.

It’s quite obvious why you haven’t been invited, shocked you don’t understand that!

HiRen · 12/05/2025 13:31

Why would you WANT to go? You know his ex and his children and the rest of his family are going to be there. I can’t think how you would expect to be invited, want to be invited, want to have anything to do with it. Whether you’ve done anything wrong or not has zero bearing on any of it. It’s not about you. You’re the outsider, they are the group you are outside of. I don’t see your logic.

MaggiesShadow · 12/05/2025 13:31

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:28

As usual this kind of thing is useless because theres too much detail that you don't know. Even before we split they were being difficult but they were still happy to have a relationship with him. Does that make sense? Hes the one who did the wrong thing. At the end of the day, I was just someone minding my own business who got asked out for a coffee. Next thing I know, tberes some big drama in his household over them finding that out but I didn't know anything about his situation. When you go on a date, do you kniw everything about someones life? Font think so. Imagine being single and being thrown into this yourself? I was innocent and he came running to me when everything went wrong so my bad, I know, for accepting him.

Of course it makes sense! He's their relative. You are not. Does that really need to be pointed out to you?

Original poster
MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:31

So basically I should leave him again because no ody will ever accept me. He will tesent them forever. Not healthy.

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/05/2025 13:33

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:28

As usual this kind of thing is useless because theres too much detail that you don't know. Even before we split they were being difficult but they were still happy to have a relationship with him. Does that make sense? Hes the one who did the wrong thing. At the end of the day, I was just someone minding my own business who got asked out for a coffee. Next thing I know, tberes some big drama in his household over them finding that out but I didn't know anything about his situation. When you go on a date, do you kniw everything about someones life? Font think so. Imagine being single and being thrown into this yourself? I was innocent and he came running to me when everything went wrong so my bad, I know, for accepting him.

The detail doesn't matter. At the end of the day he's family, you're not. It's easy to not invite you, it's less easy to not invite him.

You don't matter to them. At all. You never will. He does.

Ask yourself if thats what you want for your life, and then ask yourself why on earth you want a relationship with a man 20 years older than you with so much baggage.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/05/2025 13:33

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:28

As usual this kind of thing is useless because theres too much detail that you don't know. Even before we split they were being difficult but they were still happy to have a relationship with him. Does that make sense? Hes the one who did the wrong thing. At the end of the day, I was just someone minding my own business who got asked out for a coffee. Next thing I know, tberes some big drama in his household over them finding that out but I didn't know anything about his situation. When you go on a date, do you kniw everything about someones life? Font think so. Imagine being single and being thrown into this yourself? I was innocent and he came running to me when everything went wrong so my bad, I know, for accepting him.

He’s their brother. They might not like his behaviour, but he’s family. They don’t have or need to extend the same goodwill towards a new girlfriend he’s in a very unstable relationship with, whose presence upsets their nieces and nephews.

This whole post just screams drama - and highlights that you’re young and naive. You know what I and most sensible women closer to his own age would have done the moment they found out their first date had been with man who’d only been separated from his wife for a matter of days? Run. Run for the hills. Not tried to enact some sort of state-crossed lovers narrative.

Mrsttcno1 · 12/05/2025 13:33

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:31

So basically I should leave him again because no ody will ever accept me. He will tesent them forever. Not healthy.

You’ve been on and off again multiple times in the space of 2 years, it’s not even a relationship to leave OP, it’s all a bit of a joke to be honest

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 12/05/2025 13:33

Yeah, just dump him, life is for enjoying.

The only reason to date a man is for your life to be made easier fun, enhanced. This was never going to be the case when choosing to date a married man two generations elder.

FishDancer · 12/05/2025 13:33

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:22

I haven't caused any drama. At the end of the day, he's the one who shouldn't be invited, as hes the one whose made some shitty choices. Not me. I have been nothing but nice to eveyone but eveyone else is not moving on from something that happened 2 years ago. He shouldn't have askee me out but I didn't know the situation do please dont get on top of me. Be a little bit logical here.

You're the one being illogical. Anyone with two functioning braincells would have made themselves scarce once they discovered they'd been asked out two weeks after the end of a 20-year relationship, regardless of whether his adult children approved or disapproved. Plus this relationship clearly doesn't work, as you keep splitting up. It's a waste of everyone's time. No one wants drama at a family wedding.

DeedlessIndeed · 12/05/2025 13:34

Yes, you are an easier target in one sense. Your DP is the one to blame, but he is also their sibling / relative. People will overlook things for people they actually know well and like.

Surely you can see that if the kids and ex-partner are going, (who are related to and closer to the couple) then it would be awkward to invite someone who's involvement caused a lot of pain and discord?

Even if you weren't the instigator, once you found out and realised what an absolute dog he'd been you could have distanced yourself? The fact you stayed looks like you condoned DP's actions.

Maybe if the family start to view your relationship as more stable then they will invest time into getting to know you. But you have not reached this point, so in terms of who gets the invite, it remains an easy choice.

MaggiesShadow · 12/05/2025 13:35

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:31

So basically I should leave him again because no ody will ever accept me. He will tesent them forever. Not healthy.

I don't see why you'd stay, frankly, but that's up to you not Mumsnet.

outerspacepotato · 12/05/2025 13:36

It's been 2 years of you supposedly splitting up because of his family's drama.

What do you expect him to do? He can't control how his kids and other family feel about you. He can't lay down the law accept my sweet half my age gf or else.

He's already got the or else for getting with you way too soon. His family is not going to accept you or include you. They aren't changing their minds. He can't do shit about that. You seem to think you can force acceptance on them by using him to try to force the issue. His own family relationships are going down the tubes, hon. He's got nothing they want.

You keep doing the same thing with the same results. Break up for good

mindutopia · 12/05/2025 13:36

You don’t sound like a particularly stable partner and you keep breaking up with him. Plus it sounds like they probably just want to spend the day with their niece and nephew, who you don’t get along with, by your own admission. That’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t invite you either given the relationship history and the fact that I’d want to put family first over a fleeting girlfriend who’s in and out.

Beyond that, based on everything else you’ve said, this relationship sounds absolutely doomed. I’d pick yourself up and head for the hills and not look back.

Sofiewoo · 12/05/2025 13:36

They obviously like and want the ex and their niece and nephew to be there more than you. It seems pretty reasonable that they aren’t going to invite their brother’s off and on again fling their wedding when number 1 you were broken up when they did invites and 2, people close to them don’t want to be around you.

murasaki · 12/05/2025 13:37

Sp you think he shouldn't go to his sister's wedding???

Where is the logic in that?

Mrsttcno1 · 12/05/2025 13:38

Sofiewoo · 12/05/2025 13:36

They obviously like and want the ex and their niece and nephew to be there more than you. It seems pretty reasonable that they aren’t going to invite their brother’s off and on again fling their wedding when number 1 you were broken up when they did invites and 2, people close to them don’t want to be around you.

This is the top & bottom of it to be honest.

Family comes first & not only are you not family OP but you’re not even a partner or a consistent feature in any of their lives. You’re irrelevant and so not invited.

WhatHaveIJustRead · 12/05/2025 13:39

Is this a joke? Can you really not see why they wouldn’t invite you? He’s family, they can choose to overlook his shitty actions somewhat and invite him. You are nothing to do with this family. You’re the brothers off and on again, 20 year younger fling. His ex wife, who they’ve known for 20years is going to be there. SHE is family. As are his children. And none of these people like you. Why on earth do you think they’d invite you?

Thunderpants88 · 12/05/2025 13:39

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:19

Please read the post carefully. Its because of the drama I have left the relationship multiple times. We wouldn't be on and off if it wasn't for them.

Well then they clearly don’t like you so why are you shocked you aren’t invited?

FishDancer · 12/05/2025 13:41

mindutopia · 12/05/2025 13:36

You don’t sound like a particularly stable partner and you keep breaking up with him. Plus it sounds like they probably just want to spend the day with their niece and nephew, who you don’t get along with, by your own admission. That’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t invite you either given the relationship history and the fact that I’d want to put family first over a fleeting girlfriend who’s in and out.

Beyond that, based on everything else you’ve said, this relationship sounds absolutely doomed. I’d pick yourself up and head for the hills and not look back.

I think that's perfectly reasonable. Why would they choose to piss off their their niece and nephew, and their mother, to whom they are close, by inviting their brother/BIL's on-off girlfriend whom many of them don't like?

0hs0tired · 12/05/2025 13:43

I've read the post carefully, and I can see why they wouldn't want you there. Why do you think they should want you there? You clearly bother this man's kids. So why would his kids family want someone around who upsets them?

piehj · 12/05/2025 13:43

Oh come on OP, would you be emphatically inviting a relative’s 20 years younger on/off gf who he got together with only a fortnight after a marriage break down? Come on, less of the faux naivety. You’re going to need to earn your place in this family, I personally wouldn’t bother and would run a mile, but if you want to persist, you’re going to need to be more patient.

MarimarD · 12/05/2025 13:52

MyOpalTraybake · 12/05/2025 13:22

I haven't caused any drama. At the end of the day, he's the one who shouldn't be invited, as hes the one whose made some shitty choices. Not me. I have been nothing but nice to eveyone but eveyone else is not moving on from something that happened 2 years ago. He shouldn't have askee me out but I didn't know the situation do please dont get on top of me. Be a little bit logical here.

He shouldn't be invited to his own sister's wedding but you should?

Doitrightnow · 12/05/2025 13:59

Tbh I would make the relationship off again and find someone else with less drama, family you can get on better with and nearer your own age.

Under the circumstances I can see why you wouldn't be invited.