How would you interpret this?

[Gardenwithtea]

Today is DC 8th birthday. DC is at school, and will get home at 3.15.

Parent 1 is self employed, has appointments all day and will get home at 4.30/5. None of these appointments are essential, they could be scheduled on other days.

Parent 2 said as parent 1 left "DC will be sad you're not home after school". Parent 1 was upset and said "thanks for that, that's made me feel really shit".

Was parent 2 being unkind with what they said, or was it just a passing remark.

Yes, I know it was obvious. And yes, you're right.

Yes. DC needs a reassurance at the moment, they need to know they are important and loved because they're at the age where they feel everyone is against them a bit. They have placed an order for a victoria sponge 😂 so I am off to buy ingredients and make that... although what I need to be doing is writing a 10,000 word report. And when I panic about not hitting the deadline, DH will say "you should have done it when you had the time" or similar supportive comments.

I'm not ignoring comments, taken on board that I was a "dick" with what I said. And I will reiterate, I'm not bothered that DH is out, it was his comment that stung.

I won't be weaponising DCs birthday, no worries there. DC comes first.

Yes. DC needs a reassurance at the moment, they need to know they are important and loved because they're at the age where they feel everyone is against them a bit

Do you think you could be catastrophising a bit? Yes children need to feel like they matter but dad coming home an hour or so after school because they had a work meeting isn't going to make them feel unimportant is it?

I read this and my initial thought was you were parent 1 (not sure why) and I thought it was a bit of a dick move by parent 1 😅
P1 can easily steal an hour /90mins and be present for their childs birthday.

I think Parent 1 should have just been around so you can have a nice evening together.
You were a bit pass ag but I get why.
I am past this nonsense now and just tell DH how it's going to be "do whatever you need to but be done at X time. We are going to pick up DS together, then go to the park and out for cake at Y. Its his birthday." but I am quite type A.

Petty

If Parent 1 didn’t WFH, they would probably be out of the house until much later.

The comment made by Parent 2 to Parent 1 has already caused some upset. If this spills over into the evening it will most likely be that which makes the child sad on their birthday, not Parent 1 being an hour late.
Could Parent 2 & child go for ice cream/other treat straight after school. Then when they get home Parent 2 would be there waiting to celebrate with them.

Sorry, Parent 1 would be waiting to celebrate with them

It wasnt about DH not being here would make them feel unimportant, it was more about the focus on celebrating their birthday.

"DC needs a reassurance at the moment, they need to know they are important and loved because they're at the age where they feel everyone is against them a bit"

Is that actually a thing - 8 year olds "feel everyone is against them a bit"? Because I think that's not an 8 year old 'thing'.

Feck knows how the OP will react when her child hits teens...

I think its fine for parent 1 to be home for 4.30/5pm - still late afternoon and all evening available for birthday celebrations

The birthday can have everyone’s 100% attention from half 4 till bedtime. He’s the only one working atm, I don’t think it’s unreasonable he sees clients until an hour after DS finishes school.

You could be baking or doing your studies instead of making a big deal of this. You did mean to criticise him, it wasn’t necessary or productive. And he’d have a point if he told you you should have been doing your report instead of spending time pointlessly stressing about a brief interaction that you made unpleasant and then panicking later. It takes minutes to bung a cake in the oven and you could have bought the ingredients before now.

It’s all just unecessarily angsty and a bit precious. Probably because you’re stressing about your report and angry about his golf. Take a step back, focus on the things you have to do and don’t worry about this afternoon/evening.

Why didn't agree together you will both be home and do something with your child. Very simple🙄

Agreed. This is more than a little passive aggressive @Gardenwithtea and you know that.

It was designed to make parent 1 feel shit so I’m at a loss as to why you would be surprised they said that to you.

Honestly, you need to get over yourself you really do. A place of sadness due to 1.5hrs more on less in the home on your kid’s birthday.

As my late mother would have said, haven’t you little to worry about.

The "OP" is a person, you know? I'm sat here on my sofa, towel on my head waiting for my hair to dry, drinking a coffee and listening to BBC radio.

I don't know if you've noticed, but kids don't come out of a mould all the same shape, size and personality. Maybe it's not a "thing" but it's how MY DC is finding life at the moment.

And now I've bitten, you can go off and offer your guidance on someone else's thread. I posted in relationships not AIBU for a reason.

“You should feel like shit… Your child’s birthday is the same day every year and you didn’t block your calendar. That IS a bit shit. So is trying to guilt-trip your wife for your lack of care and organization.”

I also think how the child reacts/feels depends on how the parent handles the situation. For example if Parent 2 makes certain comments about Parent 1 being late home such as it’s disappointing, sad, avoidable etc the child is likely to feel negative.
However, if Parent 2 puts a positive spin on it eg Parent 1 will be home soon, he’s disappointed to have to work but he’s going to love watching you blow out your candles, open your cards/presents etc
Its about boosting the child and putting any differences to one side.

Parent 2 is the dick, people work & presumably Parent 2 is the main breadwinner?
Parent 2 will be home not long after school finishes so what's the problem?

Yes, this. Or have you tried to discuss it and it's not worked?

Maybe your communication in general is quite passive-aggressive and he's tuning you out so you don't keep getting to him?

@Gardenwithtea if you are concerned your child feels the world is against them , perhaps consider modelling a little more resilience and perspective?

You haven’t said, but I presuming your child is an only? The most well adjusted older / adult OCs I know are those who learn early on that whilst they are of course important and loved - the world does not revolve around them. That happens as a by product of siblings - parents of OCs may need to apply a little more thought. Ignore obvs if you have multiple kids.

Wow. Just wow mumsnet.

I'm happy to admit my comment was out of order. But some of these responses?!

I am a person. I have a backstory. I have feelings.

Not that it's even what this thread is even about but up until recently I had a professional, well paid job but life had a different plan.

I posted on here because I wanted some advice. A friendly shoulder.

They are not an only child.

Parent one has prioritised Work over the special birthday. In 50 years time he’ll look back over his life and this will be one of his regrets.

You are getting advice. It won’t necessarily be what you want to hear but maybe listen to it?