Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm amazed by the number of threads about unfaithful men

66 replies

OskarLaTrey · 19/05/2008 12:38

New member here. I just wanted to say that I'm stunned by the amount of threads I'm reading about unfaithful men. Maybe I just assumed that because I would never and could never do it that the majority of men would be the same. And yet it seems there's a fair amount of anecdotal evidence to the contrary on here.

I'm not naive. I know it goes on, and have known friends who have done it. But I kinda sorta thought that guys like myself were in the majority. It must be awful for those of you who happened to meet one of the bad ones.

OP posts:
fluffyanimal · 19/05/2008 12:40

Hello nice man . Please stay on MN!

Original poster
OskarLaTrey · 19/05/2008 12:41

I don't want this to look like an "oh I'm so great, I'd never cheat" thread either. I just think that not cheating on a partner should be the baseline - the foundation for the respect you show your partner, be they male or female.

OP posts:
Pheebe · 19/05/2008 16:55

I think you'll find the evidence here is skewed, after all who needs help and advice about a partner who doesn't cheat there have been a few threads bigging up the responsible, kind, caring men who would never dream of straying out there they just get drowned under the weight of the shittiness created by the dumbasses.

Well done for being one of the former, keep up the good work

Pheebe · 19/05/2008 16:56

oops very sexist of me there - of course I meant partners not just men

tigana · 19/05/2008 16:59

Last week felt particularly "really crap men" heavy to me. I mean, every day there are threads about relatively minor crapness on the part of men, but last week there seemed to be alot of cheating/abusive/aggressive husbands/partners/ex's around.

PinkPussyCat · 19/05/2008 17:01

Hi Oskar! Funny you should say that, I was beginning to notice there were an awful lot of threads about cheating men/partners too. Glad it's not just me. They do make very sad reading.

Nice to 'meet' you, do stick around!

HappyWoman · 19/05/2008 17:01

Yes it is awful - and it sounds as if you have thought about the consequeces of it too which is good.

Statistics show that about 60% of men and 40%of woman cheat at some time. So it may be that you are in the minority.

The other thing that still surprises me is the number of prostitutes there are for so few men who ever admit to using them!!!!!!!

cestlavie · 19/05/2008 17:07

I know, it's been a pretty bleak couple of weeks for us guys on here although, as someone else said, I guess you don't get many women posting to say "My DH is just too lovely. What should I do about it?". That being said, spending a little time around here certainly gives you an alternative/ interesting/ depressing (delete as appropriate) view on men.

stirlingmum · 19/05/2008 18:51

I assume that you mainly see stories of extremes here. It could be a partner who is absolutely fantastic or one who is being an utter twonk!!

I am sure (and hope) that there are many relationships ticking along quite happily out there.

I know that I have found MN so helpful in dealing with my problems

Elasticwoman · 19/05/2008 21:53

When my dad died, I remember my mum telling me that in all their 52 years of marriage, he had never given her cause to be jealous.

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 07:42

Well, I am jealous of that Elasticwoman! What an absolutely sweetheart he must have been.

I think the Spring is a bad time for affairs. They all seem to crawl out of the woodwork then, in my experience. Most odd.

Oscar, I wish I could say you had restored my faith in men, but I'm battle-scarred and the things I see in other relationships tells me you are not necessarily in the majority. But well done you for being a nice guy, your wife is a lucky lady - and well done to your parents too for raising a nice man.

Okay, my faith is restored a little bit

OrmIrian · 20/05/2008 07:46

I must admit that I was too. I know people that have had affairs and people who've left their partners for someone else but generally they are in the minority. MN could give you the impression that it happens all the time.

wurlywoo · 20/05/2008 08:02

It is an awful thing, its a horrible feeling and can destroy your self confidence as it did me several times

Hi OrmIrian, you Are in the minority in my own personal experience, have to be careful here as I don't want to be seen as labelling all men as cheaters. It just seems to be the norm these days. It saddens me to think this, I see what you mean about MN giving the impression it happens all the time but I think it is merely the case that unfortunately a lot of women are victims of this and MN provides a support line at difficult times.

I echo what Oskarlatrey says, being faithful should be a grounding for a solid relationship that goes hand in hand with trust respect and honesty. Some men forget these important elements to a relationship as do some women for that matter!

You sound like a lovely man, OrmIrian wish there were more of you!

OrmIrian · 20/05/2008 08:06

I'm not a man! Not last time I looked.

wurlywoo · 20/05/2008 08:14

Whoops!! I wasn't the only one who made that mistake, fluffyanimal did too, although I feel rather stoopid now!! Sorry, was a natural assumption I have no idea why!

NappiesGalore · 20/05/2008 08:18

i agree oskar, re baseline of respect.
cant fathom why people put up with it tbh.

wurlywoo · 20/05/2008 08:29

I meant that to be for Oskar.. too early in morning.. been up since 5am I shall go and get a brain transplant.

Nappiesgalore - ppl put up with it because they believe they cant be without them even though they have done the ulimate betryal, I have lost count the amount of times I have stayed with men when they have cheated.

The relationship is never the sane though and you usually end up either cheating on them or splitting up!

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 08:35

Message withdrawn

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 08:40

Message withdrawn

NappiesGalore · 20/05/2008 08:45

look, id never settle for a relationship where i wasnt respected and cherished. i know because ive had many unsuitable relationships and i ended them all.
of course, anything i say on the matter is only going to confirm mellowmas opinion of me but youre absolutely right, its too early and i cant be bothered.

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 09:16

Message withdrawn

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 09:19

Message withdrawn

NappiesGalore · 20/05/2008 09:58

you told me i was a horrible person once. i remember it coz it came completely out of left field at the time, id never heard of you. (and i think youre the only person on mn to have ever said anything like that to me). i had no idea then what id done so no, i still dont know why youd have an opinion.

the 'look' was because you just seemed to get arsey and i didnt want to get into an argument [shrugs]

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 10:35

Message withdrawn

Baffy · 20/05/2008 10:59

I'd just like to echo some of the other posts on here. I had 14 years in a fabulous relationship and tbh, would never have dreamed of posting on here about it. I had no need to. H was wonderful, I was very settled, and perhaps took that for granted.

In the past 18 months he has cheated repeatedly and I have been through turmoil. Hence me posting a lot about the situation on here.

I agree, you don't tend to hear the good stories because people don't need advice when things are going well.

That's why it seems like there are so many bad stories and all men discussed on here are lying/cheating/aggressive etc etc...

I haven't lost my faith altogether Despite everything I'm sure there are just as many many decent men out there as bad ones - the trick is to find them!