I'm amazed by the number of threads about unfaithful men

[OskarLaTrey]

New member here. I just wanted to say that I'm stunned by the amount of threads I'm reading about unfaithful men. Maybe I just assumed that because I would never and could never do it that the majority of men would be the same. And yet it seems there's a fair amount of anecdotal evidence to the contrary on here.

I'm not naive. I know it goes on, and have known friends who have done it. But I kinda sorta thought that guys like myself were in the majority. It must be awful for those of you who happened to meet one of the bad ones.

Am I thinking of the right one? Sorry, I'm not an expert. The one where one man dances with two women.

It's easy to say what you would never tolerate until the thing you say you would never tolerate is staring you in the face.

New Yorker Magazine cover story in the current issue is about "the secret lives of married men" - an interesting read

(I would start a thread on it but I think you will beat me off with your dildos. And not in a good way)

Very interesting reading.

"From the time I was small, I was led to understand that people have affairs. C?est la vie. This is just going to happen. You?re not going to make a big deal out of it when it does happen. You shouldn?t be hurtful about it. You?re going to be discreet. Don?t shove it in people?s faces".

That says everything, in my view. We can't do much about biological needs, but we can respect our partners and families.

The affairs the writer is mainly referring to are just for sex.
I could have dealt with that alot better then the other type where there is an emotional attachment.

I'm amazed there hasn't been more kick-off in response to that article. I found it very interesting, but I was expecting rolling flames of caustic outrage.

Stirling - the affairs though do start of as sex - whether the promise of with flirting or actual, trouble is though we are not taught to distinguish between the sexual desires and love.

Littlewoman - are you saying then that we should just accept that these things happen so just turn a blind eye? I disagree my grandmother was brought up that men went to work and woman kept the home but we still can and do fight against that.

It is about the dishonesty in an affair that is disrepectful rather than the need for sex with a different person.
I think people could handle it more if they were honest in the first place and said 'i need a bit of spice in the bedroom' rather than sneaking around all the time.
How many affairs would continue if the ow really thought the wife was ok about it? The ow is after more than a bit of 'extra' sex but that is where these 'silly' men get it wrong because they all too often fall into the trap of believing the ow wants nothing from him and so appears somehow 'better' than the wife.

I think to it is the double standards - how many of these men would be happy to be told by their wives that they were lacking in the sexual department and so wanted to try someone new?

I think we all accept that it is to some extent true UD

that's the most depressing article i've read in a long time.

Hate to have to stereotype, but a lot of those types in NY mag I'd expect to cheat and worse.

UQD yes it is very thought-provoking and challenging I think! Considering the comments of the NY Readers about the article, I'm surprised there is not more comment about it here.

Expat: What do you mean?

It caters to a certain type of American reader, mp, that mag. One that tends to ascribe to certain values which include a propensity to take qualities like fidelity and what it means as lightly as honour or giving your word.

Again, I'm precluding this by saying this in general, but again, it's one reason I stopped reading all but the book reviews in that mag.

It all starts to sound remniscent of a Fitzgerald novel after a while, albeit well-written, something I found depressing.

No. not really HW, that was strictly from my own point of view - and I think what I implied when I said it was, basically, 'I'd have handled it much better if I'd never known' .

The reason I knew that he was having affairs was that he was just so horrible to me . I had obviously been devalued in his eyes because of other woman being fabby to him. But that didn't make me any less of a nice person, and I didn't deserve to have my hair pulled and be sneered at because he was playing away. I still deserved some respect, which was what the article was saying and I agree.

Not really going to argue about the rights and wrongs of affairs, I'm sure you know my thoughts anyway, most of you, having had it done to me and barely lived to tell the tale .

Oskar, I don't doubt you. However, my DH always said he was a man such as you describe. He always said he never would or could cheat and leave me and our children. Yet 2 months ago, he left for a woman he'd been seeing for a very short space of time - a matter of weeks. So it goes to show you really never can tell.