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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm amazed by the number of threads about unfaithful men

66 replies

OskarLaTrey · 19/05/2008 12:38

New member here. I just wanted to say that I'm stunned by the amount of threads I'm reading about unfaithful men. Maybe I just assumed that because I would never and could never do it that the majority of men would be the same. And yet it seems there's a fair amount of anecdotal evidence to the contrary on here.

I'm not naive. I know it goes on, and have known friends who have done it. But I kinda sorta thought that guys like myself were in the majority. It must be awful for those of you who happened to meet one of the bad ones.

OP posts:

bananaknickers · 20/05/2008 11:31

Is it not beacause this site is mainly women folk? I am sure it would be evened out if it were the other way around. Again, people do come on here for advise and unfortunatly it is not something that we are open about in real life.

Salla · 20/05/2008 12:27

bk: I agree with you. All these women on this site should be out there working in those offices, to stop the married men having their affairs. Its no good talking virtually to other women here, the men are not likely to read the stuff.

Mellowma · 20/05/2008 15:30

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 20/05/2008 15:32

I'm amazed at all the complete crap people will put up with from their partners, be it affairs, bullying or just being treated like dog shit, tbh.

cestlavie · 20/05/2008 15:38

I know, I find it absolutely staggering as well expat! I know every situation is different and everybody is an individual but I am routinely stunned by some of the things I read on here... there is no just way on earth that DW (or I) would put up with some of things that seem to go on.

expatinscotland · 20/05/2008 15:40

i wouldn't treat a guinea pig the way some people are treated that i see on here - and sadly, that they accept.

madamez · 20/05/2008 15:42

Women are still told in a million subtle and unsubtle ways that they are not complete, real, or grown-up unless they have A Man around. Smart women can shrug off the propaganda, unhappy, insecure and, OK, stupid ones believe it and put up with any old crap just to be able to lay claim to a male partner.

expatinscotland · 20/05/2008 15:52

I agree, madame. It's something I find so sad and which, despite my upbringing (which was by two very good, strong role models), I bought into briefly and which therefore caused me much misery.

Thankfully, I soon saw the light - thanks, Nuala O'Faolain, RIP! - and moved on.

Hope the same for my daughters and, if I have one, for my son, too.

stirlingmum · 20/05/2008 16:22

I dont believe that I thought that I wasn't complete, real, or grown up unless I had a man around.
I actually didn't want to marry because most marriages seemed shite to me.
I was devastated when h had a 6 month affair because it showed him to be a different person to the one I thought he was. You should be able to trust someone who has promised to be faithful.
I know that I am complete without him and if he doesn't want to be here then I shall be fine without him

mrsmaddyd · 20/05/2008 16:29

There not necessarily bad men. Just a little misguided and easily led. Much like a child! And this is from a woman who trusted her dh 100 and 10%, the only man in my life that i have done this with. A definate candidate for husband and father of the year and the bastard has just let me down.

Never again will i trust a man. Never

UnquietDad · 20/05/2008 16:36

I can understand the moaning about the fact that you have an unfaithful man, a feckless man, a man who'd rather go and play golf at the weekend than ever do anything with the children, etc.

What I can't accept is the "men" attitude. You know: "Men!"

As if anecdotal evidence proves that "all men are like this."

In my life I have had maybe a dozen girlfriends, up to and including DW - precisely two of whom have turned out to be completely foul bitches. That's 1 in 6. I don't go around going "women!" because of this.

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 16:37

Easily led removes the responsibility from them, MrsM. Easily flattered perhaps?

PosieParker · 20/05/2008 16:45

I think we live in a day and age where people believe they can have everything with ease. This includes cake and eat it with relationships. I think life is supposed to be a little difficult at times to feel like it's worthy, ie when your relatioship gets a little tricky you knuckle down and sort it out and then it's all the more worthwhile.
As far as cheating goes we (society) allow adolesence to spill into our twenties and thrities and some people have no sense of responsibility, still bunge drinking on a Friday noght when they've got children etc, all part of the same story I think.
Unquietdad, people don't say all men, they say a lot of men based upon the ones they've met and heard about. I can assure you that you make generalisations about women when you are discussing behaviour that is associated with women.

PosieParker · 20/05/2008 16:47

binge drinking!!

cestlavie · 20/05/2008 16:52

Actually PP, it's funny, I was about to agree with UQD. In my experience, blokes almost never say "God, women!" with anything close to the same regularity that it's said the other way round.

PosieParker · 20/05/2008 17:08

Women talk much more, and there's nothing easier than moaning about a common thing, like th weather, politics, credit crunch and men. Women soend too long in the toilets, getting ready, talking etc..........

Salla · 20/05/2008 18:39

Well, there is a sort of a long history of malebashing by women and womenbashing by men. Might be something to do with the fact that we need each of so much and find that difficult. I personally try to take care and not enter into that, as it seems old-fashioned to me.

Elasticwoman · 20/05/2008 18:50

Thank you Littlewoman. I appreciate my Dad more since he died, and reflect that he is probably responsible for my own rather trusting nature.

NappiesGalore · 20/05/2008 19:06

sorry mellowma, i havnt a clue where to look. cant remember the thread or subject or even current posting name ... remembering it after all this time (it was ages ago) is clearly MY problem!
having a few issues of the head meself atm, since were being open here.
i apologise for holding a grudge, tis a petty thing to do.

unquietdad - i couldnt agree with you more! i hate that shit too, and as the mother of sons i am quite vigilant about casual conditioning in that way.

madamez speaks the truth too, as (almost) always

Anniegetyourgun · 20/05/2008 21:47

One has to remember, after all, that in nearly every case the men referred to are cheating with, er, women. Either there are a lot of slags out there, or a very few are very, very busy.

Elasticwoman · 21/05/2008 14:45

Oh yes, it certainly takes 2 to tango.

UnquietDad · 21/05/2008 17:05

And three to do the Dashing White Sergeant.

GryffinGirl · 21/05/2008 18:37

I thought it was eight

GryffinGirl · 21/05/2008 18:38

Elasticwoman · 21/05/2008 19:25

You mean "Now the fiddler's ready ...."?
How does that need 3?

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