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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you react to the awful spouses of friends . I’m so turned off marriage lately. Following on …

56 replies

twinkltwink · 08/05/2025 14:47

Would you ever get married again ? I’m horrified by the behaviour you f friends/ family’s spouses lately and feel so turned off the idea.
im divorced, healed, independent, financially and emotionally secure and love my own company.
Id really enjoy a romantic partner too though.. a committed relationship.

However, in the last few months I’ve witnessed horrible behaviours towards some friends/ family by their spouses and I’m turned off .
for example: One called his wife a fucking muppet when she made an observation he didn’t agree with.
One forbade his wife from going to the pub because man who hit on said wife ten years previous was going to be in the pub.
One comes in from work every single evening, eats his dinner in front of tv and falls asleep immediately until he moves up to bed.
several
crotocose their spouses publically when they disagree on a topic or if the other doesn’t parent exactly the way the other agrees with.
Maybe it’s a coincidence but I’m appalled at the disrespect. Yet, they still cook, clean, organise , sleep with these spouses.
The bar must be low in my circle.
These people are generally kind, well educated, highly respected in their work and hobbies.
I don’t get it whatsoever .
Give me some hope please!!!

OP posts:
Bustabloodvessel · 10/05/2025 18:58

Roxietrees · 10/05/2025 17:26

🙄 none of what she’s described is abuse bar maybe the one who banned her from going to the pub. MNers loves to throw that word around. It’s irresponsible and devalues the experiences of victims who have actually been abused.

I second that. Not every woman who has a crap marriage is being abused

Cherrysoup · 10/05/2025 22:15

We ended a friendship when a friend, who’d pursued the friendship to a serious degree (we thought it was odd, but she was really lovely) put my DH’s job at risk-too outing to mention. However, we were probably quite relieved to be rid of her Dh, who we had always considered an absolute knob. We socialised a lot and every time we just couldn’t get over why she was with him. He clearly thought he was great, loved to query me on my speciality at work, about which he had a very basic understanding. Just very peculiar.

twinkltwink · 11/05/2025 06:41

some great points shared thanks. I was at an event this weekend and spent some a lot time chatting and dancing with a gentleman and had great fun … until yesterday evening I was told that he’s married with four children and regularly features on the social pages with his wife and their stunning home / lives. He is my friends husbands friend and they’re finding it hard to believe .
I just give up at this stage.

OP posts:
AmIEnough · 12/05/2025 19:28

Mexcitedfam · 08/05/2025 14:49

Your friends are being abused op

and you don’t seem concerned in the slightest

What???? Have you read her post????

TokyoKyoto · 14/05/2025 10:36

TokyoKyoto · 08/05/2025 16:19

I have friends whose husbands are lovely (I mean I don't know them perfectly, this is just how they come across). They absolutely share childcare, they work hard, they do lovely things for their wives, they love their kids and look after their parents.

And then I have a couple of friends - who actually I am no longer that friendly with, partly because of this - and their husbands are complete cocks. Like, beyond the pale. One of them is so uptight and cruel about people, yet seems to adore her, but who knows what it's like behind closed doors. He is a prick. Another has hurt many people and is a professional laughing stock because of his behaviour, which has veered towards the sexually inappropriate.

But all that said, I just don't have it in me to find another man like DH, as they do seem rare. So if he isn't on the scene, I'm going to go it alone and I think I'll be fine. Certainly a couple of decades of seeing how men behave on the internet, where we can see their thought processes, has made me very sure I'm not risking my happiness and money for anyone.

Since writing this, it's come out that one of the dickhead husbands I mentioned has been soliciting amongst his colleagues for threesomes. I JUST CAN'T EVEN

He's at the extreme end of the twat spectrum, mind you. I have no idea why she thought he was a good catch but she's been his champion over the years, no matter what he does. I feel so sorry for her but I also, if I'm honest, feel some contempt. I know that's not very kind. You'd have to know them to understand.

Renabrook · 14/05/2025 10:39

People make choices on who they start and continue relationships with so i wouldn't be able to stay friends with people who make such bad judgement

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