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Original poster

4 dates in…

68 replies

Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:19

Date 1-3 all really great , 1&3 ended up being nights out. Date 2 was a really nice meal and really great conversation. He initiated all these dates.

Date 4 yesterday was initiated by me in the afternoon to go for an evening drink. However, I noticed a subtle change in his behaviour.

Dates 1-3 said he was humble, came across lovely. Couldn’t find any issues apart from that he was in a relationship from age 14 - 30 and then she apparently ghosted him.

Date 3 he was pretty drunk and after speaking about a singer he booked us tickets (which we are going to this week) which cost a lot of money but he said it was his treat.

Yesterday I met him and he said ‘can’t believe we booked tickets - what do you want to do with them’ like what does that mean? In my head I thought does he mean like sell them. So I just said well what time you want to go and he said ‘I haven’t even a clue where it is’ - even thohhh he screenshotted me a pic the next day.

We we’re also talking about phobias and he said his biggest phobia is commitment and laughed said he was joking. Whereas on first date he said he was looking for a relationship.

Maybe I’m looking too much into it. He hasent messaged since last nights date and neither have I. Should I write it off or continue?

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 06/05/2025 23:22

Was he so drunk he didn't remember getting the tickets?

Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:24

@S0j0urn4r He was a little drunk, but he messaged me the next morning when he woke up sending me a screenshot of the tickets. Then yesterday in conversation he said he had been listening to some of the albums to see what new songs would be sung.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 06/05/2025 23:24

This is bizarre behaviour on his part. I’d ask him what was going on, tbh.

S0j0urn4r · 06/05/2025 23:25

I think I'd have at least one foot out the door at this point.

BudgetHotel · 06/05/2025 23:26

How much are the tickets - did you offer to pay for yours?

Hoolihan · 06/05/2025 23:27

He wants you to pay for your ticket. Buyers regret.

Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:28

Yeah it really threw me yesterday, i was tired yday so was wondering if I was overthinking that there was a change in behaviour, but defintley noticed something felt different compared to all the other dates. I felt like conversation became strained

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:31

Yeah so I said I was looking at tickets with my friend and early on in the date he said I will go with you so I just laughed and brushed it off. After a few drinks we were in the back of a taxi and he said I’m going to book us tickets so I said how much are the tickets and he said sort it in a bit. And then he bought the tickets and I said how much was it and he said £225 overall. In back of my mind I was thinking bloody hell I didn’t expect to pay that much so I said send me your details and I will transfer money now. He sent no not at all it’s my treat. He seems very flashy with his cash but I always like paying my way

OP posts:
BlossomMoon · 06/05/2025 23:31

It sounds like he was hinting at you possibly needing to pay him for yours.

Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:33

@BlossomMoon Do you think? Previously on a message he said so what are the logistics with times ect do you want me to pick you up. Do you think I should offer payment again?

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 06/05/2025 23:34

and he said I’m going to book us tickets so I said how much are the tickets and he said sort it in a bit. And then he bought the tickets and I said how much was it and he said £225 overall

Well the time for him to tell you the price (if he expected you to pay) was before he bought them.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 06/05/2025 23:37

No you don't need to offer payment at all! He didn't tell you the price so you don't need to pay, he can't commit you to a big spend like that unilaterally. I would just wait and see what his next steps are, but tread carefully as he seems potentially flaky.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 06/05/2025 23:41

Do you think he might have spooked himself by booking the tickets, that perhaps he felt he'd shown too much interest and wanted to backtrack on date 4?

Maybe it's time to ask? If his feelings have cooled or changed, wouldn't you rather know than walk away?

Psychoticbreak · 06/05/2025 23:44

I think he is regretting telling you it was his treat and is hinting for you to offer again to transfer your half of the cash.

Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:45

@DidILeaveTheGasOn hmm I didn’t think of it like that. He was defintley a little quieter so maybe that or he’s done it drunk and thought oh shit why did I do that.

I would have been feeling really hopeful if I had not met him for a quick drink last night. I kinda wish we had just left meeting until the concert as on message he was asking what time I want picking up etc and planning on the parking at the concert. Whereas in person he was like ‘I don’t even know where we are going?’ He clearly does because the day before he was texting about the location.

OP posts:
Bowlandbillow · 06/05/2025 23:48

I don’t understand what you mean by, ‘ he came across humble, which was lovely’.
Do you expect him to be humble. Do you expect him to humble himself before you?
I don’t understand your wording or what you mean by it.
it sounds like he is not for you. He spent a lot of money on the tickets. Perhaps Let him know soon if he is not the right fit for you so he can re sell them. It is fine to be uncomfortable about him spending so much on a very short acquaintance. You don’t owe him your company. He can go with someone else.

ToffeeSquirrels · 06/05/2025 23:53

‘Humble’ what a bizarre description OP.

Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:53

@Bowlandbillow sorry I didn’t make that very clear in original post. So on first 3 dates he said he’s a very humble person, doesn’t brag about his achievements or successes etc and then on date no.4 he said he’s probably the least humble person he knows - he likes to say how well he’s doing.

I noticed that he was talking about how well he does financially and all felt very braggy. It just feels mismatched to how he originally depicted himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:56

@Bowlandbillow I don’t feel uncomfortable that he spent so much, I think it was his ‘so what do you want to do with these tickets’ ‘I don’t even know where we are going’ even though he had been messaging about them the day before acting interested.

OP posts:
BlossomMoon · 06/05/2025 23:57

Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:33

@BlossomMoon Do you think? Previously on a message he said so what are the logistics with times ect do you want me to pick you up. Do you think I should offer payment again?

It's strange how he worded it isn't it?
It could mean anything really, as you state it could well be making enquiries as to how you were going to arrange travelling to the venue, times for picking you up if deciding to travel together.
Is it quite local?
As if he's going to be drinking it means travelling back, he may have been putting feelers out to stay over.

I personally wouldn't offer payment again, you've already offered. Just be careful that he doesn't adopt the attitude that he's paid for tickets, and expects you to find the rest of the evening.

You didn't ask him to book the tickets it was his decision to do that.

Bowlandbillow · 06/05/2025 23:59

It is four dates in. You don’t owe him anything. You do not sound as if you like him much on closer acquaintances. However, he has spent a lot on tickets so end it quickly so that he can re sell or go with a friend.

Catlord · 07/05/2025 00:01

I'm getting coke vibes.

If i'm honest I would cancel and let him resell (you have offered to pay.). Better than going and him feeling you owed him not only for the ticket but him taking you to the concert.

Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 00:02

@BlossomMoon It’s an hour away so he said he could drive and pick me up (this was when he seemed interested) but every time we’ve been out he’s had a drink so I have a feeling he’s intending on leaving his car. I do think an hour away in taxi would be very expensive.

I didn’t think about the ‘staying over’- he’s never insinuated that.

OP posts:
Someone2025 · 07/05/2025 00:03

Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:53

@Bowlandbillow sorry I didn’t make that very clear in original post. So on first 3 dates he said he’s a very humble person, doesn’t brag about his achievements or successes etc and then on date no.4 he said he’s probably the least humble person he knows - he likes to say how well he’s doing.

I noticed that he was talking about how well he does financially and all felt very braggy. It just feels mismatched to how he originally depicted himself.

he said he’s a very humble person,

Who says things like this?!?

Silsatrip · 07/05/2025 00:04

When someone has to tell you how humble they are....