4 dates in…

[Holibobby]

Date 1-3 all really great , 1&3 ended up being nights out. Date 2 was a really nice meal and really great conversation. He initiated all these dates.

Date 4 yesterday was initiated by me in the afternoon to go for an evening drink. However, I noticed a subtle change in his behaviour.

Dates 1-3 said he was humble, came across lovely. Couldn’t find any issues apart from that he was in a relationship from age 14 - 30 and then she apparently ghosted him.

Date 3 he was pretty drunk and after speaking about a singer he booked us tickets (which we are going to this week) which cost a lot of money but he said it was his treat.

Yesterday I met him and he said ‘can’t believe we booked tickets - what do you want to do with them’ like what does that mean? In my head I thought does he mean like sell them. So I just said well what time you want to go and he said ‘I haven’t even a clue where it is’ - even thohhh he screenshotted me a pic the next day.

We we’re also talking about phobias and he said his biggest phobia is commitment and laughed said he was joking. Whereas on first date he said he was looking for a relationship.

Maybe I’m looking too much into it. He hasent messaged since last nights date and neither have I. Should I write it off or continue?

I suddenly get his reaction 😀

I think you should offer to drive if he has paid. Getting a taxi an hour away from a concert will both be a nightmare because of how busy it gets after a concert and an absolute fortune. Leave him to get in touch with you to arrange dates if you want to see him and then you’ll know if he actually wants to see you.

“We we’re also talking about phobias and he said his biggest phobia is commitment and laughed said he was joking.”

This stands out more to me.

@ItsAWonderfulDayForPie Yeah I agree, especially as he said on previous dates he doesn’t do short term casual, then it changed

On previous dates when we’ve been out on he’s been quiet for a few days and then normally got in touch a day or so before to say ‘are we still on?’ So will see what happens. Like previous posters have said if we do go I might offer to drive and then atleast I know I’m getting back and not having to worry at the end of the night.

I'd definitely drive or prearrange the taxi. Don't be stranded or reliant on him. It's a lot of having to wonder what he's thinking etc and you want straightforward really in early dating. You've offered to pay so he can't query that. Maybe offer again if he's still off, so there aren't any loose ends.

Fair enough to go to the concert but please don't leave yourself open to struggling to get home late.

Maybe he is angling for an invite to 'sleep over'?

People who say they're humble are a bit of a red flag for me personally. I don't need to know that. I will judge for myself. We are all allowed to blow our own trumpets sometimes, and still be humble. It's for others to judge how that feels for them. So if someone opens with "I'm a humble sort of a person" I think, hmmmm, but are you? I am not so sure.

And the repeated miscommunication about money, or going to the concert at all, whatever it is: another red flag for me. Who can be bothered?

Is he such a catch that you're writing on a forum trying to work out what's going on with him? Doesn't sound like it.

In my opinion, this is alcoholic-like behaviour.
Also, all the stuff about him being humble and needing to protect himself is bullshit.
I, personally, would get out now.
Sorry I’m not good at texting you back? Bullshit.
If you read this thread to a man they would say the same. He’s playing you like a fiddle and there is no way his ex has ghosted him after 16 years for no good reason.

His ex-wife ghosted him after 16 years? Now there's a story......

Honestly, he sounds like a pain.

This.

He takes something, or ADHD, or drinks to excess, or a combination.

A lot more common than you might think, even for guys who are doing well financially and professionally.

People like this, they can be great but also a bit volatile so you can enjoy them socially but it can be challenging with bigger plans. It's not about the commitment stuff, that's a red herring.

I wouldn't stress too much about this or try to problem-solve or overfunction....just prioritise yourself and your peace of mind, cancel the ticket, and step back a bit and observe.

Maybe he's dating other people as well? It's only 3/4 dates after all.

Could he be hinting that you should drive and organise parking as he has bought the tickets? Especially since he seems to like a drink

I'm definitely getting coke vibes off this guy!

@CeffylCoch Yeah maybe, he did message the next day and said he would drive what time did I want picking up. Maybe I should mention it.

Coke vibes really? Why?

How could she ghost him if they were married? Does that mean he's not divorced because she just disappeared?

I'd be disappearing myself after his 'commitment' joke - though if I were you I'd at least go to the concert first 😂

Have you heard from him since ?

@Bumblebeestiltskin He said the divorce all went through ok - am I being really naive haha I don’t know anything about divorces having never been married.

@workshy46 Yeah he messaged at lunch time today asking how my weeks going