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Original poster

4 dates in…

68 replies

Holibobby · 06/05/2025 23:19

Date 1-3 all really great , 1&3 ended up being nights out. Date 2 was a really nice meal and really great conversation. He initiated all these dates.

Date 4 yesterday was initiated by me in the afternoon to go for an evening drink. However, I noticed a subtle change in his behaviour.

Dates 1-3 said he was humble, came across lovely. Couldn’t find any issues apart from that he was in a relationship from age 14 - 30 and then she apparently ghosted him.

Date 3 he was pretty drunk and after speaking about a singer he booked us tickets (which we are going to this week) which cost a lot of money but he said it was his treat.

Yesterday I met him and he said ‘can’t believe we booked tickets - what do you want to do with them’ like what does that mean? In my head I thought does he mean like sell them. So I just said well what time you want to go and he said ‘I haven’t even a clue where it is’ - even thohhh he screenshotted me a pic the next day.

We we’re also talking about phobias and he said his biggest phobia is commitment and laughed said he was joking. Whereas on first date he said he was looking for a relationship.

Maybe I’m looking too much into it. He hasent messaged since last nights date and neither have I. Should I write it off or continue?

OP posts:
Catlord · 07/05/2025 00:04

Yeah, I'd cancel and let him resell or cancel. It sounds weird and his behaviour has changed. I'd abort mission after four dates. I wouldn't want to be stuck needing to get back somewhere with him late at night.

Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 00:04

I do like him I thought things were going really well, we’ve had lots of fun, despite only being on a few dates. It’s just I got an uninterested vibe off him last night and it’s put me off.

OP posts:
Catlord · 07/05/2025 00:07

Well at least can you arrange the taxi?

Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 00:09

@Catlord Yeah I could let him know I could arrange taxi home

OP posts:
Someone2025 · 07/05/2025 00:09

Holibobby · 07/05/2025 00:04

I do like him I thought things were going really well, we’ve had lots of fun, despite only being on a few dates. It’s just I got an uninterested vibe off him last night and it’s put me off.

He probably annoyed with himself for booking the tickets and behaving like a flash Harry when he may not actually be that flush,
It was his decision to buy them though not yours so I don’t see why after you offered to pay him once you would offer again

The one thing out of everything that is in his favour is that he was able to hold down a LTR from the age of 14 - 30

giddyauntie123 · 07/05/2025 00:10

He sounds like he's gone a bit embarrassed/defensive, I didn't read that as not interested.
Maybe he felt silly for a big financial gesture ..?
You sound quite grounded, he sounds a bit ADHD/impulsive.
It could be fine, sometimes the 2 qualities balance each other out.
I would probably just be frank with him

chaosmaker · 07/05/2025 00:26

Go to the concert if it's something you like and then dump him for being confusing?

JeremyVineyard · 07/05/2025 06:54

Does anyone else feel the need to know what singer/band the tickets are for 😀

Theredjellybean · 07/05/2025 07:10

You maybe overthinking it all...but he does sound a bit odd.
Id go to the concert but definitely drive yourself, so you can come home if something feels off.
But go and see what he / the date is like then decide afterwards if you want to continue seeing him

Jamfirstest · 07/05/2025 07:12

It's just erratic behaviour and that would put me off

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 07/05/2025 07:16

I would trust your gut OP… you offered to pay for the tickets, he declined said his treat, now he’s acting strange. I wouldn’t get in touch with him and see if he gets in touch with you and then take it from there, usually you find with men like that he likely won’t get in touch now so he has a ‘reason’ to sell the tickets, either way you’ve spotted red flags and ignoring them is never a good idea

TwistedWonder · 07/05/2025 07:20

It’s all a bit manic and a lot of drama for 4 dates.
And who actually tells someone they’re ‘humble’?

PumpkinScarf · 07/05/2025 07:21

If he’s been with his ex for pretty much his entire youth then I think that’s playing a major role in his odd behaviour. When did they break up? Does he drink on every date?

I suspect he is wanting to date around a bit and rediscover his lost teens/20s but doesn’t want to put you off. He’s probably scared of being single too at this point. If you want children and you’re 30ish too then I’d throw this one back.

I also don’t think you need to offer payment again. Mumsnet usually fixates on stuff like that and ignores the rest.

Bittenonce · 07/05/2025 07:29

So he has a deep insecurity- he wants to be loved but he’s scared of being left again - he wants to show off his money and success but doesn’t want to be thought a show-off. The ticket ‘unease’ was sort of a panic attack? I think there’s a load of issues bubbling away here, I’d just be a sort of cautious for a while until you better understand what’s under the surface. In terms of etiquette - if you want to see him again after the concert I’d say that you pay for next time. Pride won’t let him accept money and really it would be a mistake to pay on your back at this stage

Lesleyann25 · 07/05/2025 07:56

Hoolihan · 06/05/2025 23:27

He wants you to pay for your ticket. Buyers regret.

Haha I had this with a guy once he spent about £100 on something when we were out then on the next date moaned about it the whole time. That was the last date. Dont get pissed then try to make the other person feel bad.

Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 08:00

@Bittenonce Yeah, I think you’re probably right. He told me his ex-wife ghosted him after 16 years as her feelings changed - if that is true he’s probably got some deep insecurities around abandonment and rejection. I’m not always quick to reply to messages as my life is really busy. On the last date he said to me ‘sorry if I take ages to message back I’m not a big texter’ maybe to protect himself. I don’t know

OP posts:
HollidaySunshine · 07/05/2025 08:07

What did what shall we do with the tickets mean!?! I can’t be doing with riddles like that from someone

smallsilvercloud · 07/05/2025 08:10

The tickets are his problem, him saying what do you want to do with them sound like he’s offering them as he doesn’t want to go. I’d say it he’s no longer interested in seeing you again either, I could be wrong but when the messages also dry up it’s usually a sign.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 07/05/2025 08:12

JeremyVineyard · 07/05/2025 06:54

Does anyone else feel the need to know what singer/band the tickets are for 😀

I’m guessing Sam Fender.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 07/05/2025 08:14

I’d ask him if he’s gone off the idea of going.

Tell him why I asked.

Say I had.

And leave him to his drama.

Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 08:14

It’s very bizarre behaviour when he booked them he said you better not pull out of this now so I’m left going on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 07/05/2025 08:15

@JeremyVineyard haha it’s Bryan Adams

OP posts:
BeachRide · 07/05/2025 08:17

By date 4 I knew I was going to marry my now-husband. This all sounds very confusing and not worth it.

PurpleMango25 · 07/05/2025 08:17

Said he was humble, that's a redflag. Show don't tell.

Allegedly ex ghosted him after 16 years: yeah there is way more to it. He doesn't owe a new date his entire life story of course but this narrative of poor me I don't know what happened in a relationship with someone from 14 to 30 shows he's clueless or worse was abusive that she had to abscond. He doesn't seem self aware and potentially a liar.

Gets so drunk, that's a goodbye for me there.

Goes back and fourth about the tickets and can't or won't communicate properly to rectify his drunken mistake, not a good sign of communication and shows immaturity.

What I would do is:
Having offered to pay, I would not offer again. I would say I'm not feeling the connection and to suggest he sells the ticket wish him a good life then block him from everywhere. It's his problem what to do with the tickets, his drunkenness and bragging about money, drunk purchases are his own lessons to learn it's not your responsibility, matter of a fact I wouldn't even have offered to pay in the first place, it was always his treat.
He's a grown man, it's his own responsibility to handle his finances and drink.

You have to block him because he will likely be the type to get drunk or on drug and harass you.

Don't regret having met him again, it was a blessing to see him for who he was before you wasted more time on him.

PurpleMango25 · 07/05/2025 08:18

Holibobby · 07/05/2025 08:14

It’s very bizarre behaviour when he booked them he said you better not pull out of this now so I’m left going on my own.

He is guilting you, I'm sure he can find someone else or sell them. He's an adult and he bought them, it's his problem.