OLD first date help for oldie!

[PrincessGraceless]

Hello - after well over 30 years, I have a date next week.😳 Someone I have ‘met’ on a dating app. I have no idea how to play it eg how do I greet him. Wave, just say hi I’m ‘Grace’, shake his hand (noooo), kiss on the cheek. Sounds ridiculous I know! Never even spoken to him, just messaged on the app. I know people say FaceTime but for some reason I don’t want to - just going to give it a go. He probably won’t like me anyway. I’m not v attractive. But I don’t want it to be obvious to everyone in the pub that it’s a first date. Help please! Also if I should decide early on or even immediately that he’s not for me (before he declares same about me) - what’s the protocol? It’s a bit of a distance to drive to meet him (halfway), so I can’t just up and leave after 5 minutes citing something’s cropped up. Or maybe that’s what one does. Just any guidance really. Thank you!

I was new to this back in December. I'm 55. Had a lot of fun with it for a couple of months. Take it lightly, no pressure, no expectations. Just go there to have a chat with a potential new acquaintance. My first few dates did not set me on fire but they were completely pleasant.

Then I met the most lovely man who I'm into month 4 with now. He's my perfect match in every way and we are having a lovely time getting to know each other like a pair of teenagers.

Enjoy 🍷 xxx

The first one is terrifying, I remember it well. Don't shake hands but I found everyone different - some did a kiss on the cheek, most it was more of an awkward hello and off we went. If it's not right for either of you don't be too let down. It's not so much a first date as a face to face meet to see if there is anything worth taking on to a date, so it's not at all rude to have a quick coffee and then move on. And don't take it personally if he does the same to you, for the same reason.

I always used to say yes to a second date if asked, even if I didn't want to. Then could politely change my mind via text when I got home. That's my main piece of advice. And have fun!

Between now and the date, I suggest you should actually speak on the phone. This will be helpful.

When you meet, having established quite a lot about him on text I presume, I’d say it’s ok to greet him like an old friend with a peck on the cheek.

Take care of your drink! Keep it covered, stand near him at the bar as he orders. You don’t want to risk a spiked drink.

Safety first:
Let someone else know his name and number, where you are meeting and when/what time you anticipate being home again.

If you immediately realise that hes not the one for you, be kind, grit your teeth and get through it until you can politely leave. Offer to split the bill maybe?

Dont make any noises about another date. See what he says about it and be non commital. Give yourself time to think on your way home. If you defo don’t want to pursue him, just send a quick text to say sorry but you want to continue flying solo for a while longer (or something!) No need to make up lengthy explanations. He might have other dates lined up anyway.

Thank you! That’s so helpful and reassuring. We’re both in our 60s so not
too worried about spiked drinks! We have a shared interest and so hopefully won’t be short on conversation.

I had a walk with my first date. And a coffee only 2 weeks ago. First time ever i was so anxious. Then had a 2nd wrnt bowling and a Chinese and romance at his. He's crap at text which makes me stressed but I'm trying to just c what's what anyways. I think what ive read online i need to stroke his ego abit and be more flirty but im used to marriage and long term not this so it's very different

Wondering if it’s best to meet in the pub or outside? To avoid that awkward - looking for him or him me, and the stilted oh hi etc in front of anyone looking. I’m private and would hate that. I work full time and am away weekends currently so it has to be evening. He’s probably much more experienced at this than I am. Suspect he’s not a newbie. I just thought it would be interesting. Hopefully not too soul destroying.

I would personally prefer to meet outside otherwise how will you find him wandering round a pub?! The worst part is when you see them and know on sight they are not your type. You can still stay for a drink and a chat and see how it goes.

My first date after 30 years I was terrified. I nearly dropped out so many times.

As it was he was a lovely man but I knew immediately there was no spark which actually made feel more chilled as I knew nothing would happen. We had a great evening chatting away like friends.

I won’t lie I’ve had a couple of disaster dates since then and not actually met anyone that I was attracted to - well there was one guy o found attractive but he had more baggage than Gatwick.

Go for a coffee ( never a pub) then if you don't like him or click.. it's easier to leave a cafe than a pub.
He will probably be as nervous as you .
Go with the flo
Good luck.

I would meet him outside as I wouldn’t want to be looking for him in the pub. I did online dating for 3 years and I actually think it’s worth it to have a phone chat with men before agreeing on meeting as it will get rid of men who you have nothing to say to. I met tons of nice men who I got along great online but once I talked with them it was awkward and meeting face to face would have been boring.
if you are not feeling it with him after a while just tell him it was nice to see him but you are going to leave now. If he asks any further just say you are not feeling it so no point in continuing the date. I know it might sound straightforward but there’s no point wasting your time.

if not FaceTime then at least talk first! Arrange a time for the call. Be ready to either just walk away - or carry on for a meal after, whatever. I’m more of an ‘it’s a long way so might as well have a nice meal even if they’re not right’ sort of person but everyone’s different - one friend said she’ll sometimes see the date walking from his car and instantly know she’ll have one quick drink and escape….
But if you’ve talked first you’ll know better and feel less anxious about it.

I phone call or face time beforehand would be good, just so you can verify he looks like he does in his profile photos!
I'd meet outside the pub, but don't feel pressured into a kiss or any kind of physical contact if that's not what you want.
I think I'd be prepared to have one drink but then if it wasn't working out as it will be a natural break point where you can say 'Well thanks for that but I need to get going - early start tomorrow' or something like that rather than having another drink.

I’m glad I’m not the only one taking a while to transition from marriage /LTR - after so long either being in a relationship or out - dating again can feel awkward AF!

I’ll go sharing the grain but I don’t do FaceTime - never done it in my life even with people I’ve known years - and I don’t find phone calls helpful. In fact the worst date of my life, we got on really well on the phone which made my mind up to have the date and I regretted it within minutes.

I’d rather just meet up and if it doesn’t work out then cut things short

Hi everyone - thank you so much. 🥰 He’s now suggested we go for ‘a walk and a talk and maybe a drink afterwards.’ I get why. I understand. But now I’m thinking oh heck, how far are we walking, what do I wear, how does it work walking side by side etc. I’m not a walker!

I’d be bailing out in your shoes. A walk and a chat isn’t a date and it’s far too low effort imo.

Walk and a talk? Fuck that, it’s not lockdown any more.

Coffee and a chat is fine, but walking and talking isn’t a date, it’s the lowest effort possible. I’m not one for dinner for a first date but I expect to be warm, dry and relaxed not schlepping round a muddy field with some tight fisted bloke who can’t even spring for a coffee.

If you’re not a walker - just tell him! I don’t think it’s about being tight, probably just that he enjoys it (more than you 😂)

A walk and a chat.!! Err no. Suggest meeting in a coffee shop somewhere. If it's horribly awkward, at least you can seek comfort in a slice of cake.

Long romantic walks can come later when you know you actually have something in common to talk about.

Gosh that’s interesting. Is that not a thing then? I thought maybe it was like a friendly way of making his acquaintance with no pressure either side. What should I suggest instead? I’ve kid of already agreed. 😬

I agree. I don’t do dinner for a first date as I cant think of a worse evening than sitting opposite someone over 3 courses that I realised was a twat after 3 minutes!

I’m happy to pay my way as well but I expect warm and seated - preferably inside a pub (or a beer garden in better weather)

A fucking walk - no no no no

Bear in mind this is evening as I work FT and it’s an hour’s drive

Okaaay got it re the walk. Really though? It definitely wouldn’t have been a thing way back when. Don’t you think he’s just keeping it simple and light?

If you are happy with a walk, then go for it. Maybe try to choose a walk that has a choice of medium, short and very short routes though.

I would message back and say had a think and would prefer original plan (safety first - walking where when you dont know the area and with a stranger but wouldnt say that).

Tripadvisor the pub. Most pubs have "ask for angela" if he is a fruitloop... If you ask for angela, bar staff know your safety is compromised. Me being farrrrr too spooked but just in case, ladies!

Meet in the car park? Ask for his registration so you can find him (not vice versa or give him wrong info - silly me etc haha)

Have fun and see where it goes x