OLD first date help for oldie!

[PrincessGraceless]

Hello - after well over 30 years, I have a date next week.😳 Someone I have ‘met’ on a dating app. I have no idea how to play it eg how do I greet him. Wave, just say hi I’m ‘Grace’, shake his hand (noooo), kiss on the cheek. Sounds ridiculous I know! Never even spoken to him, just messaged on the app. I know people say FaceTime but for some reason I don’t want to - just going to give it a go. He probably won’t like me anyway. I’m not v attractive. But I don’t want it to be obvious to everyone in the pub that it’s a first date. Help please! Also if I should decide early on or even immediately that he’s not for me (before he declares same about me) - what’s the protocol? It’s a bit of a distance to drive to meet him (halfway), so I can’t just up and leave after 5 minutes citing something’s cropped up. Or maybe that’s what one does. Just any guidance really. Thank you!

Update for you all. I met him and he was a nice guy. I knew immediately that there wouldn’t be a spark, but we still went our walk, in a busy place, and had a coffee. He was extremely nervous, but we got on well, and he told me more about his experience as a man on OLD (I asked). Doesn’t sound great tbh! Quite an eye opener for a newbie like me. I think he’d have liked to have seen me again but I ensured my messaging was ‘not’. I may not have been very good at that bit! We parted as friends. I am a bit disappointed and sad, even though I knew it was unlikely to lead anywhere. No one else on the horizon. Here’s hoping. Thank you again for your input! Always good to hear others’ experiences and advice.

Thank you for the update! Everyone tells me the OLD is a numbers game, the more people you meet, the more likely you are to strike it lucky. And you won't be so nervous next time. Good luck!

Thank you. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else worth meeting - an I ask for recommendations of platforms that aren’t just hookup sites? I’m in my 60s as mentioned.

It's awful. I had a relationship not long after marriage and I didn't really date. He was introduced to me and just moved in so to speak. I now realise I was love bombed and he is and was a narc. Rushing things etx. But because I was used to marriage I didn't think anything of it. Dating is difficult. I'm adhd anyways and today God knows what's up with me but to cheer myself up me and teen dd are of to marrakesh booked via wowcher for 350 quid in 2 weeks :)

I do think you should be more concerned regarding your own safety.

I’m also over 60 - and would make no assumption that age makes me less vulnerable to danger.

I would never meet a stranger in a car park. What if they produce a knife and bundle you into their car?

I would prefer not to go for a walk - and end up on the next day’s News ‘presumed missing’.

And what on earth makes you think a 60 year old man can’t get hold of Rohypnol? (Do you not follow national and international news?)

Don’t get drunk. Don’t go to their home. Don’t let them take you to their friend’s home, either. (The one with the woman sized freezer in their garage …)

Stay alert! Hope you meet lots of nice people.

Hi - I didn’t meet him in a car park. I am pretty careful. We were in a busy place.

It's like looking for a parking space - you only need one! 😂 I met my now husband on number 6 at the same age as you. Good luck!

@Fluffypotatoe123987 spunds like perfect timing for a break to reset! Marrakech is fun - don’t miss Jardin Majorelle

Hi everyone - advice please! The site I’m on, anyone can message ie there’s no ‘matching’ or whatever. Which is fine BUT what’s the done thing when someone messages who you’re not interested in? Eg barely literate (not for me I’m afraid) or really odd photos? I don’t want to be unkind but is ignore the best thing?

Just ignore.

What sites are you using OP? I found Bumble to be the best.

Thanks.

I might give Bumble a try but as my phone is sometimes used by colleagues I would rather not have an app on show. Although I suspect they have seen me on the other site!

One of my issues is I am in a v rural area (lot of farm workers etc). I don’t mind travelling but there’s a limit to what’s practical and in any case it puts men off if I’m 100 miles away 😂 Makes a casual coffee date a bit tricky.

Ignoring unsolicited illiterate messages is fine! I’m sure they’ll be used to it (and equally sure that there are men who send them to absolutely anyone and everyone). If it makes you feel better, you could put something on your profile like ‘Thank you for your messages but if I don’t reply it is probably that you’re too far away’.
Yes, in some areas you’re going to find that you’re fishing in a small pond full of mutant fish so you need to cast your net a little further. 100 miles is also likely to be ‘as the crow flies’ ….. But train routes and motorways mean not all distances are the same. If there’s somewhere half way that’s viable to start to meet until you know each other better, give it a try.

Ignore! I used to be kind in the early days and it’s a mistake.

They invariably try and engage usually desperately bringing you to give them a chance or they get abusive. I had a man 20 years my senior who looked like Dobby who took a polite no thank you as his cue to tell me I’m an ageist bitch I’m not all that anyway and he was doing me a favour - since that charmer I just deleted unsolicited messages

@Bittenonce thank you. I’m happy to travel but it seems they’re not. Maybe they just don’t like me 😂
Oh this is such a minefield!

More likely they’re just lazy! That’s fine…. They just filtered themselves out without you having to do it 😁