Could I get thim back or is too late?

[Getexback]

My ex and I still live together but we are separated whilst we sort finances , sell the house etc and we also have an 8 year old child together. We are also married and are going to have to at some point file for divorce but we both have solicitors that are sorting out our finances.
We split last August, it was my decision to end it, I thought I had fallen out of love etc and I also had an emotional affair with someone at work.
Fast forward 9 months, he has been dating someone for 4 months , he stays at hers a couple of times a week. He also introduced his new partner to our daughter as she told me she had met her.
We sleep in separate rooms when he's here and we barely speak as it isn't very amicable.
I am having regrets about the split and would like to try again as we have been together a long time and have a child together and a lovely home. Is it too late to get him back or is he gone for good? Should I even try ?

I think that ship has sailed, sorry. It sounds like you only want him back because he's moved on. You had a child and a lovely home before you decided to end it, that hasn't changed. You need to find a way to get through the next difficult stages and come to terms with it ending.

@Getexback IMO - you have burnt too many bridges here - too much pain. Your affair, the divorce. Think about the impact of this new direction on your children?
Are you regretting divorcing him? Or actually just losing the lifestyle you had as a couple? Your wording of your post suggests the latter. If you really wanted him your comment would have been about how you see a new side to him and have fell back in love and enjoy his company.
You would be talking and have fun and great conversations if this was a situation that can be turned around.
Accept your life is about to change and focus on your children and how this is impacting them and what future you need to build.

You ended it, now he’s moved in and is seeing someone, you barely speak and it ‘isn’t amicable’? No chance. It’s not clear what your motivation for thinking about it is…

Clearly your needs weren't being met in the relationship so rather than wanting to go back to what wasn't working for you, look toward the future and a more fulfilling life.

Vivere xx

That ship has long sailed. He’s dating someone else.

The odds are not in your favour given you say you aren't very amicable, but I have heard of people who have come back from this kind of mess. Couples who have already filed for divorce and still managed to reconcile.
The decision is yours, but you could say to him that you are having doubts about wanting to progress to divorce. Ultimately though, you are the one who had the emotional affair, so he is the one who has to decide if he is willing to give you a second chance. Be prepared that if you do this, he may get very angry about you messing him about and see it as jealousy because he has moved on - is it?

In the meantime, get on with living your best life. Grow yourself and heal yourself so that you are as strong as possible for any future relationship, either with him or someone else, should you decide to move on.

Too late he’s met someone else

What a selfish attitude. You created this situation, now you have to live with it.

Has he actually moved on then? He's only been with her 4 months. We have been together 15 years

Only you know this. None of us know him. Have to asked him about a reconciliation?

I think you should ask him to try again. Otherwise you’d be wondering what if. He may refuse or give it a go but at least you know you’ve tried.

FAFO

He’s seeing someone else. That’s the very definition of having moved on, surely?

How much of this is about genuine feelings for him and how much your "lovely home"?

Please don't expose your child to a strife filled relationship because you want to keep that.

Not necessarily. Could be rebound, distraction, feel it is better than nothing at least. No one here can answer what the new relationship means to him, whether it is serious or just a temporary thing.

What are your motivations for asking? It sounds like you were quite decided and had moved on yourself emotionally until push comes to shove and you've got to build a new life and he's finding it easier.

Considering you are barely amicable is it wise? I was expecting you to say you had remained friendly and had something left to build upon.

I wonder how much of you wanting him back is a knee jerk reaction to him having somebody else and it would be unfair to play with his feelings when you were the one who ended the relationship.

Maybe it is a rebound or maybe he’s found somebody who wants him like you couldn’t and has fully moved on. It must be fairly serious for her to have met your child.

Trouble is once you've dumped that on a partner it's usually too late. It's better to sit on it until you are absolutely sure.
My exH served me with divorce papers and then asked to come back several times and i said no. I did not appreciate being messed around like that.
I shouldn't think he does either.

They have only been together for four months but how long did he have to deal with you falling out of love with him and having an emotional affair? He could have detached from you years ago for all we know.

I think it may be best to accept that you’ve made mistakes and lost him.

I can understand how you feel but yes.
It sounds like you’ve done him a favour if you’re marriage is at the point you can’t be amicable and he’s found happiness somewhere else, It’s probably a case of you didn’t want him until someone else did and now you’re probably feeling a bit jealous because he’s happy with her and you feel left behind and naturally that’s going to hurt, you’re human, you’re going to feel hurt.
He’s probably more over the marriage than you are, he is escaping from an uncomfortable environment at home to a new exciting relationship, I very much doubt going back will be an option now, maybe you thought he’d take more time, be more hurt, try harder to win you back? I get that but he seems to have come off better for it and you just need to processing everything.
Give yourself a break, time and patience, your life has completely changed but you will get through, you are just looking back with rose tinted glasses because someone else is happy with him.
Focus on you, you did this for a reason. It’s normal to question big decisions but he’s moved on which should tell you it was the best thing for him.

I disagree with previous posters. Obviously no-one here can tell you if you have another chance with him… but I always think it’s worth trying to keep the family unit together (providing there’s no abuse, etc) You wouldn’t be the first to have had a bump in the road.
All you can do is talk to him and see what his thoughts are.
If he has truly moved on then you can draw a line under it and move forward.

You’ve been flaky OP and if you had an affair first you have a lot of making up to do. But if there is any chance to reunite I definitely would try.

You need to start talking again though. Slowly. Ask him ‘I’m nipping to Tesco, do you need anything?’ I’m putting on a wash, do you need anything doing?

Then offer to cook dinner one night, suggest a day out with your daughter, she’s only 8 and with this nice weather you could go to the zoo, or country park and just say it’s important to be friends and put on a united front. I’d take it from there…and after a few weeks of getting on tell him how you are having second thoughts.

You sound exactly like my husbands ex wife... She ended it after losing her feelings for him, meeting someone else, and then massively regretted it and became bitter and jealous when we started dating and she could see he was happy.

Please take your decision with grace and not be that bitter ex wife. If he wanted to get back with you, I imagine he would have attempted this prior to being with someone else for 4 months and introducing your child to her.

Shoulders back, head high, and make your own awesome life with no animosity or jealousy! This is your own new chapter, and everything happens for a reason.
All the best.

He seemed to go on the dating apps quite quickly and met her 5 months after we split and now seems to be in a relationship, he introduced her to our daughter as his girlfriend apparently.
I'm a bit surprised that he's managed to meet someone so quickly to be honest , I thought he would have taken more time to be single.

Is that why you want him back?